I've only been in jail for 5 minutes and I've already been raped twice.
My uncle really doesn't fcuk around when playing Monopoly.
…
That was just an uncle joke. Don't mind it.
But Erect did mind something else.
"I can't accept your father as my uncle, my lord. I am not deserving enough for that."
Bruh, if we are talking about deserving then I also didn't do anything to deserve such a milk enthusiastic father.
"Fine. And get that milk away, old man. How did you even store it inside the bottle?"
"Well, I directly targeted m-"
"Don't answer that. I will make the Aliens drink this."
"Sure."
"My son!"
I received another hug.
After my father, it was my mother.
I hugged her back.
After that, she removed her hands from around me and surveyed my body.
"How are you? You became so thin. Are you eating fine?"
Yep. The unicorn semen was so nutritious.
"It's literally only four days since I left the village. I can't become thin that fast."
"My grandson!"
"Grandma!"
After my mother, grandma arrived and I hugged her. The only person whom I love the most.
Even if she was a goblin, her love remained the same as any human grandma.
After the hug, she also examined my body.
"You became so thin!"
"I know. But now you are here." I replied.
My mother looked at me with wide eyes.
"When I said the same thing you gave me a retort." She complained.
Sorry, mom. I am biased towards your mom.
"Don't be jealous of your mom, mom. Forget it." I said.
My mother kicked the ground. She was like a toddler.
Grow up, woman. You have a son now.
"My nephew!"
This time it was goblin aunty Sofia.
Don't get confused between Sofia and Sophia.
Sophia is Erect's sister and Sofia is my mother's sister.
I hope you have received enough education to distinguish between the two. If not, then just drop out at this point. Don't waste your parents' money.
I hugged her as well, I don't want to make her sad.
"You have become more handsome than the last time I saw you." She said.
I smiled. "And I think you have become smarter."
"You bet I have. I even stopped climbing over glass walls to see what's behind them."
"Er.. right. Good for you."
I had no idea what to say there. I didn't know she was that stupid. I think she is so stupid that if she got locked inside a furniture store, she would still sleep on the floor.
Anyway, goblin aunty stepped aside and the next person came.
"My grandson!"
It was my grandpa.
We hugged each other and then he moved back.
He had a smile on his face.
"Have you lost your virginity yet?"
This was his first question. But I guess I could answer him.
"Nope. Though, I got many chances but if I had taken them, I would have lost my desire to have sex again."
"Hah! Don't sweat it. You will get many more chances. You are the Hero King." My grandpa patted my shoulders.
He was a big burly man with white hair and a mustache. He was handsome too. I must have gotten his genes in regards to looks.
"I still remember the day I lost my virginity." Grandpa said.
He must have done some other race.
"With whom?" I asked.
"It was an Orc."
Thought so.
"An orc?" Erect asked. He seemed surprised.
"Yes, child." My grandma said. "I lost my virginity to an Orc. It was the first time for both of us."
"How was it?" Erect asked. Why was he so interested in that?
My grandpa smiled and while looking in the sky, he answered :
"It was a pain in the ass."
Hmm? Wait a second…
"It was a pain in the ass? Who exactly lost their virginity to whom?" It was me who asked this time.
"Well, you can't blame the Orc. It was his first time too."
"His?! The Orc was a male? Wait… So it was a pain in the ass for you because.. Don't tell me…"
"Yes. I thought that Orc was a female so I tried my luck. But then it was too late to back out. So I just went with it."
"You just went with it? That was not some amusement park ride, man."
"I know that.. But hey, the Orc was happy. So I think that amounts to something."
Grandpa laughed out loud and I glanced at Erect.
What will he think about my family? And there is Sophia here. Such talks shouldn't be happening around her.
"Don't mind him, Erect. He just likes to joke." I said.
Erect smiled. "It's fine, my lord. Now I am really certain that I am really not deserving enough to receive your family."
I don't know if that was an insult or praise but I won't pry further.
I'll change the topic.
"Let me introduce you all to these two, everyone." I said to my family.
"Oh. You got yourself a girlfriend. That's my son." My father praised me.
He mistook Sophia for my girlfriend. I wish that was true.
"No. This young man here is the strongest hero of this continent. He stays in this country. And that girl is his sister Sophia. She considers me as her big brother so she is my sister."
"Nice to meet you." Erect bowed at my family.
"Nice to meet you." Sophia did the same thing.
"Oh. Your name is Sofia too."
As expected, my goblin aunty came forward. She didn't receive enough education to distinguish between Sophia and Sofia.
She shook hands with Sophia and they became friends right away.
Then my mother came forward.
"I always wanted a daughter. Consider us your family, dear." She caressed Sophia's face with a warm smile.
She surprisingly talked well. I didn't expect that.
I expected her to say something like 'would you like to drink milk now that you are my daughter'
"Would you like to drink milk now that you are my daughter?"
Of course.
My mother repeated that word by word.
"No. I am good, ma'am." Sophia refused.
"Come on, don't be shy. You will like it." My mother insisted.
Leave the girl alone, mom.
I opened my mouth to stop my mother but I didn't have to do that.
Sophia spoke herself :
"Actually I am lactose intolerant."
My brows shot up.
Such a thing exists here? That's news to me.
But before my mom could reply to Sophia, my father came forward.
"Oh. You are also into that?" He said.
What does he mean?
He was looking happy for some reason.
"You are also the same as me, sir?" Sophia asked.
My father nodded like a chicken. As if he found a kindred soul.
"Yes. Yes. I am also the same as you. You see…"
He arrived closer to Sophia and with a friendly smile, he carried on saying..
"I also licktoes intoilet."