My father said that he is just like Sophia, Erect's sister.
She was lactose intolerant and he too licktoes intoilet.
By toilet he meant bathroom. Thought I should clarify before you think something grossier.
But before going further, you know the drill. I somehow keep remembering stuff. Here :
A man and his friend had an amputee foot fetish.
They knew it was gross, but they could only cum on prosthetic legs.
Anyway, on their last threesome with an amputee, they both prematurely came on her real toes! Then they had to politely ask the girl, "Can we start over? I feel like we got off on the wrong foot."
…
Now I would correct my dad.
"What she is saying is entirely different from what you are saying. You just revealed your fetish by not hearing correctly."
"Oh." My father was surprised. "Haha. I was just kidding. Yeah. It was a joke. Don't mind it."
It was certainly not a joke. But I won't indulge in it further.
I mean, I think men have foot fetishes because they lost their cherry to a sock.
"I see. That was some joke." Sophia said. She had an awkward smile.
"That's so weird, dear. Don't joke like that." My mother chimed in as well.
Imagine saying something so weird that even the weirdest person finds it weird. I created a tongue twister there. Nevermind.
"That's enough talking. All of you go inside the castle. The top floor is mine. Other than that, there are many rooms on other floors. Get settled there. We will have dinner together. Me and Erect will join you all soon."
"Okay. Let's go, people."
My grandpa walked in the front and all the other family members followed him.
"Take care, grandma." I said.
My grandpa patted my head with a smile and went inside the castle as well.
What did I ever do to receive such love?
After my family went inside, only Sophia remained standing.
She looked at me and Erect.
"Don't leave me alone, big brother." She said or pleaded. I don't know.
"We are not leaving you alone. We will come back." Erect replied.
But I know what Sophia meant by her words. She wanted to say : Don't leave me alone 'with them' big brother.
She is afraid of being with my family alone. My dad lowkey traumatized her.
"Don't worry, Sophia. They are just easy going people. They are harmless. You'll be fine." I said with full confidence but then I remembered how my parents almost killed me on my very first day in this world.
"But still, be careful. Stay locked in your room." I warned her anyway.
"Okay." Sophia nodded and went inside the castle again.
"Sophia dear! Would you like to see dogs doing missionary?"
"Aaaaaa! Nooo!"
I heard some noises coming from the castle.
I don't want to know who said the dog part and I hope Sophia safely reached her room.
"What now, my lord? Do we have to go somewhere?" Erect asked.
"I don't know. I want to see each and every continent of this world. So first we will buy a world map and on the way, we will see how this country is doing. Since I am the King and all."
"That's a great idea." Erect liked it.
I nodded. I am not all that interested in doing all those things that I mentioned. I just said all that to increase the word count.
The MC should constantly do something otherwise in no time some bitches sitting behind the screen will start calling me stupid.
I am not talking about you, of course. You are good. You stayed with me till now so how can I complain? But if you ever decided to go away… let's not talk about that for now.
"Let's go." I started walking.
Erect walked beside me.
My stats were turned On and my armor was equipped as well.
I may be eighteen years old but I look like a handsome hunk. I wish I could show you my picture... or did I already show you that? Well, if you are not living under a rock and know even a little bit of technology then you must have seen me.
Anyway, enough bullshit.
Me and Erect walked down the road.
I looked around and things were peaceful.
Kids playing, elderly taking a walk in the park and two dogs doing missionary.
You could only accept loyalty and such things from dogs. And instead of loyalty, Humans decided to learn sex positions from them.
Anyway, I soon reached a shop. Erect told me it was a general store that contains necessary things.
The shopkeeper was a middle aged healthy man.
He was bald and the sweat on his head and the sun rays were making his head shine.
"How can I help you, my lord?" The man asked.
But I have a question of my own.
"Do you know why bald men cut holes in their pockets?"
The man frowned. "I don't know. Why?"
"So they can run their hands through their hair."
I said it.
I wanted to say it as soon as I saw his bald head.
I kept my eyes on the man and the man just sighed.
"I didn't get it, my lord."
"It must have gone over your head then."
I am on a roll today. Two back to back.
"Just what do you want, you bast- my lord?"
The shopkeeper went through some emotions there.
Well, I won't harass him anymore. Though, I wanted to ask him how long does he take to wash his face.
I looked at Erect and he had a smile on his face. Well, at least he enjoyed the sequence.
"Give me a map of this world. Everything should be written clearly. I want the best quality map." I finally stated my purpose.
"Oh. Sure. Sure. I will give you the best map. I will add some countries of my own for you."
"That's not how a map works. Give me the real thing."
"I was just joking, my lord. I know how maps work. I have a good head on my shoulder."
"I don't doubt that."
With the amount of sun rays landing on his head, he can place a solar panel there and generate electricity.
I didn't say that to him of course. There is no concept of solar panels here so no one would understand it. Only the Aliens could have laughed at this.
Anyway, the man went deep inside his shop and came back with a rolled up map.
I took it and stored it in my spatial inventory.
[ Glory Hole ]
This was the name of the spatial skill that allows me to store things.
"How much does this cost?" I asked the shopkeeper.
"Oh. No. No. I certainly can't take money from you, my lord."
"I am not giving you money either. I was just asking about the cost."
"Oh. I see. It's 10 Morals." The shopkeeper answered but he lost his smile. He was expecting some money.
Fine.
I waved my left hand in a swift motion at Erect.
No one saw it, even Erect and then I looked at the shopkeeper.
"Here. Take it. Don't be sad."
I reached out my hand with a smile and the man found his smile back as well.
He spread his palm and I handed him what he wanted.
"It's a 10 Morals coin." I said.
The man nodded and closed his palm, afraid I might take it back.
I shook my head.
"Alright. See you later." I waved my hands and began walking.
"Take care, my lord. May the Supreme Man bless you more." The man wished me luck.
After walking for a while, Erect suddenly stopped.
He was beside me so I also stopped walking as well.
"What is it?" I asked.
"My lord, I lost my shirt's button. I just felt something amiss."
"Oh. Don't worry about that. Get a new shirt."
"I have to do that I guess. But the button was right there just a few moments ago. Where did it go?"
I smiled. "It reached its right place. Let's go now."
Like that, we both started walking towards the castle.
———
After Racis and Erect went away from the shop.
The shopkeeper was giddy.
"Hehe. That map only cost 2 Morals. But I sold it for 10. I made some nice profit. I wish that oversmart Hero king comes here daily. Let's see.."
He opened his palm to see the profit he made.
He saw the coin that Racis gave him. That was what he had hoped to see, at least.
But that was not a coin.
"It's a fucking button!"
He jerked his head towards the way where Racis had left and with all the capacity of his lungs, he hollered :
"Don't ever come here again, you hero king bastarddd!"
———
It's me again.
I heard the bald man's last scream loud and clear. My stats were On so all my senses are also heightened to the max.
I never intended to give him any money. I am the Hero king. I risk my life to save these people. I don't have to pay anything.
Though, I didn't know the map only cost 2 Morals. The shopkeeper was also a cheater. He was selling it to me for 10.
Anyway, as I was saying, my stats are On right now and all my senses are heightened to the max.
All my senses including my sixth sense as well.
And that sense was telling me that something is about to happen that would change this comedic atmosphere.
I assure you, it's not a clickbait. Something is surely going to happen.
I just hope that you will be here to see it.