Dear Diary,
There are days when everything seems to align. When the world feels a little lighter, the air a little clearer, and your heart just seems to know exactly what it wants. But then there are days like today, where nothing makes sense, and the weight of your own feelings is enough to crush you.
It started off with the usual routine—wake up, get dressed, try not to get lost in thought about Rei before school. But no matter how hard I tried, she was there. In every glance, every thought, every quiet moment. I couldn't shake her.
When I reached school, Rei was already standing at the entrance, waiting for me like always. But today, she seemed… different. There was a quiet intensity in her eyes, something I couldn't quite place. She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Morning, Gabu," she said, her voice soft, almost hesitant.
"Morning," I said, my heart racing for no reason.
We walked together to class, but the usual lighthearted banter wasn't there. I kept stealing glances at her, trying to figure out what was wrong, but she wasn't giving anything away. She seemed… distracted.
It wasn't until lunch that I finally caught a glimpse of what was bothering her. We were sitting under the oak tree again, the one spot where we always seemed to talk. I was picking at my lunch, trying not to look too obvious, but Rei wasn't eating at all.
She was staring at the ground, her fingers absentmindedly twirling a strand of her hair.
"Rei?" I asked softly. "Are you okay?"
She didn't answer immediately. When she did, her voice was barely above a whisper. "Gabu, do you ever feel like everything is just… out of your control?"
I felt a shiver run down my spine at her words. "I don't know… sometimes. Why?"
Rei hesitated, her eyes meeting mine, and for a second, I thought I saw a flicker of something deep—something vulnerable. "Because I think I might be in over my head with something."
My heart skipped a beat. Was she talking about me? Was she thinking about us the way I had been thinking about her?
"Is it… about something personal?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly.
Rei's lips twitched into a faint smile, but it was more bittersweet than anything else. "Yeah. I guess you could say that."
The silence stretched on, heavy and filled with unspoken words. I wanted to say something, anything, but the fear of getting it wrong kept me paralyzed. It felt like we were both standing on the edge of something, but neither of us had the courage to take the leap.
The rest of the day was a blur. My mind was too occupied with the conversation from lunch, replaying it over and over again in my head. What did Rei mean by that? Was she trying to tell me something?
I tried to distract myself with schoolwork, but even the most mundane tasks felt like mountains. All I could think about was her—her words, her gaze, her presence.
By the time school ended, I was exhausted from overthinking everything. Rei didn't say much as we walked home together, her silence only adding to the tension between us.
When we reached my house, she paused by the gate, her gaze lingering on me.
"Gabu…" Rei started, her voice low, almost hesitant. "There's something I need to tell you."
I felt my stomach tighten, my heart pounding in my chest. This was it. This was the moment I'd been both dreading and hoping for.
"What is it?" I managed to ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
Rei took a deep breath, her eyes searching mine. For a long moment, neither of us said anything. It was like the world had stopped, and all that mattered was the space between us.
"I… I like you, Gabu," she said finally, her voice soft but clear.
I froze, my mind going blank. Did I hear that right? Did she just say what I thought she said?
"You like me?" I repeated, my voice sounding foreign to my own ears.
Rei nodded, her cheeks flushing a little. "Yeah. I've liked you for a while now."
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, each beat louder than the last. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, but at the same time, the floodgates had opened, and I had no idea how to handle it.
"I—I don't know what to say," I stammered, feeling overwhelmed by everything.
Rei reached out, placing a gentle hand on my arm. "You don't have to say anything, Gabu. I just wanted you to know."
For a long moment, neither of us spoke. It was the kind of silence that felt comfortable, despite all the tension in the air. Finally, I looked up at her, my heart still racing but my mind clearer than it had been all day.
"I like you too, Rei," I said quietly, my voice steady for the first time in what felt like forever.
Rei's eyes softened, and her lips curled into a shy but genuine smile. "I'm glad," she whispered.
And for the first time in a long time, I felt like maybe—just maybe—I was starting to understand what it meant to be honest with myself. To admit that I liked her, that I wanted to be with her.
Now, as I sit here and write, my mind feels strangely calm. I don't have all the answers yet, and I'm not sure where things are going between Rei and me. But for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm heading in the right direction.
Love,
Gabu