Dear Diary,
I've replayed last night so many times in my head that it's beginning to feel like a dream. But it wasn't a dream. It was real—every word, every touch, every moment. I can still feel the warmth of her hand in mine, the way her voice trembled just slightly when she said she liked me.
Rei likes me. Rei actually likes me.
Even as I write it down, I'm scared to believe it. How could someone as confident and radiant as Rei feel that way about me? She's always been this untouchable star in my life, shining so brightly that I was afraid to even hope she'd notice me. And now, here we are.
But, Diary, I can't shake this fear.
This morning, everything felt different. Not in a bad way—just different. When I walked into school and saw Rei waiting for me by the lockers, my heart skipped so many beats I thought I might faint. She waved, her smile soft and easy, like nothing had changed. Like everything had changed.
"Morning, Gabu," she said, her voice warm and full of that casual charm she always has.
"Morning," I managed to reply, though my voice sounded far too squeaky for my liking.
She didn't tease me about it. Instead, she reached out and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze. It was such a small thing, but it felt monumental. I could feel the warmth of her hand lingering on my skin long after she let go.
We walked to class together, like we always do, but it felt different today. Every little glance, every brush of her hand against mine, every smile felt charged, like there was an invisible thread tying us together. And yet, I couldn't help but notice the looks from the other students.
Was I imagining it? Or were people looking at us differently? Did they notice the way I kept sneaking glances at Rei, or the way she stayed just a little closer to me than usual?
At lunch, we sat with Haru and Akemi like always. Haru was her usual bubbly self, going on and on about some new game she'd been playing. Rei was laughing, teasing Haru about her obsession, and I tried to join in. I really did. But it was hard to focus on the conversation when all I could think about was the way Rei's knee kept brushing against mine under the table.
Akemi, of course, noticed. She's always been sharp like that, picking up on things no one else does. Her eyes kept flicking between Rei and me, narrowing slightly, like she was trying to piece something together.
"Gabu," she said suddenly, interrupting whatever Haru had been rambling about. "You're acting weird. What's up with you?"
My heart stopped.
"Nothing!" I blurted out, probably a little too quickly. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks, and I knew I was turning red. "I'm not acting weird. You're acting weird!"
Smooth, Gabu. Really smooth.
Akemi raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. "Right. Sure."
Rei, thankfully, jumped in to change the subject. She started asking Haru about her weekend plans, steering the conversation away from me. I shot her a grateful look, and she responded with a small smile that made my chest tighten.
After school, Rei asked me to walk home with her. My first instinct was to say yes—I wanted to spend more time with her, just the two of us. But then that familiar fear crept in. What if someone saw us? What if they started asking questions?
I hesitated, and Rei must have noticed, because she gave me that soft, understanding smile of hers. "It's okay, Gabu. We don't have to rush anything."
Her words made my chest ache. She was being so patient, so kind, and I didn't deserve it. But I wanted to be brave for her, even if it was just a little bit.
"Let's take the quiet streets," I said finally.
Rei's smile widened, and she nodded. "Lead the way."
We walked side by side, the late afternoon sun casting long shadows on the ground. The air was cool, with a gentle breeze carrying the scent of flowers from someone's garden. It was quiet, peaceful, but my heart was anything but calm.
For a while, we didn't talk. The silence wasn't awkward, though. It felt full of things unsaid, like we were both waiting for the right moment to speak.
Then, Rei reached out and took my hand.
I froze for a moment, my brain short-circuiting. Her hand was warm and steady, her fingers lacing with mine like it was the most natural thing in the world.
"You don't have to be scared," she said softly.
"I'm not scared," I lied, though my voice betrayed me.
Rei stopped walking and turned to face me. Her eyes were so serious, so full of emotion, that it felt like they could see right through me.
"Gabu," she said, her voice gentle but firm. "It's okay to be scared. But you don't have to do this alone. I'm here."
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. How does she do that? How does she always know exactly what to say?
"I don't want to mess this up," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.
Rei squeezed my hand, her grip reassuring. "You're not going to mess anything up. We'll figure this out together, okay?"
I nodded, unable to find the words to say how much that meant to me.
When we reached my house, Rei didn't let go of my hand right away. She stood there, looking at me with that soft, patient smile that made my heart ache in the best way.
"See you tomorrow," she said, her voice light but full of warmth.
"See you tomorrow," I echoed, watching as she walked away.
As I closed the door behind me, I leaned against it, my heart still racing. This fragile happiness we've found feels like a delicate flower, beautiful but so easy to crush. I don't know what's coming next, Diary. I don't know if I'm ready for the questions, the stares, or the whispers that will start when people figure this out.
But for now, I'm holding onto this moment, this feeling, with everything I have. Because for the first time in what feels like forever, I'm not just writing about my dreams. I'm living one.
Love,
Gabu