Dear Diary,
The day after the storm always feels… different. The air is fresher, clearer, like it's been rinsed of everything heavy and suffocating. But even with the sun shining and a soft breeze playing with my hair, I couldn't shake the feeling that the real storm was just beginning.
The morning started off normal enough. I walked to school, the sunlight warming my face as I tried to focus on anything other than Rei. But of course, that was impossible. Every time I closed my eyes, I could still feel the warmth of her hand on mine, the sound of her laugh echoing in my head.
It's ridiculous how much space she takes up in my mind. I've tried distracting myself, focusing on homework or doodling flowers in the margins of my notebooks, but nothing works. She's like gravity, pulling me back no matter how far I try to drift away.
When I reached the school gates, Rei was there waiting for me. She leaned casually against the fence, her bag slung over one shoulder. Her smile was like sunlight breaking through the clouds, and just like every other time, it stole the breath from my lungs.
"Morning, Gabu!" she said, her voice cheerful as always.
"Morning," I mumbled, my cheeks already starting to burn.
"Still thinking about yesterday's storm?" she teased, falling into step beside me. "You were pretty out of it."
I glanced at her, wondering if she had any idea what she was doing to me. Probably not. Rei has this effortless way of making people feel special without even realizing it.
"Something like that," I said, trying to keep my voice steady.
The first half of the day passed in a blur. I couldn't focus on the lessons, not with Rei sitting so close, her laughter ringing out every now and then like a melody I couldn't ignore. By lunchtime, I was a mess.
Akemi found me sitting under the big oak tree in the courtyard, picking at my bento without much enthusiasm. She sat down beside me, her sharp eyes immediately zeroing in on my troubled expression.
"Still haven't talked to her, huh?" she asked, not bothering with small talk.
I sighed, setting my chopsticks down. "No. It's not that easy, Akemi."
"It's not supposed to be easy," she said, her tone firm. "But you're only making it harder by overthinking everything."
"You say that like it's so simple," I muttered, crossing my arms.
"Look, I get it," Akemi said, softening her tone. "You're scared. But Rei isn't just some random person. She's your friend. Do you really think she'd let something like this ruin everything?"
Her words struck a chord, and I found myself staring down at my bento, the weight of her question pressing down on me.
"I don't know," I admitted. "What if she doesn't feel the same? What if—"
"Gabu," Akemi interrupted, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You're thinking too much about the 'what ifs.' Maybe it's time to focus on what you do know."
"And what's that?" I asked, my voice barely audible.
"That Rei cares about you," Akemi said simply. "And if you care about her, you owe it to both of you to be honest. Even if it's scary."
The rest of the day passed in a haze. Akemi's words stuck with me, replaying over and over in my mind like a broken record. By the time the final bell rang, I felt like I was walking through a fog.
Rei caught up with me as I was leaving the classroom, her bright smile lighting up the dim hallway. "Hey, want to walk home together?"
I hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Sure."
We walked in comfortable silence for a while, the sun casting long shadows on the pavement. Rei hummed softly to herself, a tune I couldn't quite place but found soothing nonetheless.
"You've been quiet today," she said suddenly, breaking the silence.
I glanced at her, my heart pounding. This was my chance. I could tell her everything right now. But the words caught in my throat, tangled up in fear and uncertainty.
"Sorry," I said finally. "I've just been… thinking."
"About what?" Rei asked, her tone curious but gentle.
I hesitated, my pulse racing. The question hung in the air between us, heavy and unspoken.
"Rei, can I ask you something?" I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Of course," she said, turning to look at me. Her eyes were so full of warmth and kindness that it made my chest ache.
I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. "Have you ever… liked someone? Like, really liked them?"
Rei blinked in surprise, her expression softening as she considered the question. "I think so," she said after a moment. "Why do you ask?"
"I was just… curious," I said quickly, averting my gaze.
Rei studied me for a moment, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "You're such a mystery sometimes, Gabu. Always so thoughtful."
Her words made my heart skip a beat, and I felt a lump form in my throat. How does she do that? How does she make me feel so seen, so understood, without even trying?
"Thanks," I mumbled, my cheeks burning.
By the time we reached my house, the sun was starting to set, painting the sky in hues of pink and orange. Rei lingered at the gate, her hands stuffed into her pockets.
"Gabu," she said suddenly, her voice unusually serious. "If you ever need to talk about anything, you know I'm here for you, right?"
"I know," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
Her smile returned, bright and reassuring. "Good. I'll see you tomorrow, then."
"Yeah," I said, watching as she turned and walked away, her silhouette fading into the distance.
Now I'm sitting here, Diary, staring at this page and wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do. Akemi's right—I can't keep this bottled up forever. But every time I try to say something, the words just… disappear.
Rei deserves the truth. But how do I give it to her when I'm still struggling to admit it to myself?
Love,
Gabu