Chapter 9: Confusion
"Are you okay? You've been sighing since then," there's a hint of worry in his voice as he said those.
She blinked. "I'm fine."
He doesn't look convinced. "Really?"
She sighs and gives him a smile. "I'm fine,. Maybe it's just lack of sleep. I woke up so early today." She explained to him but still, he doesn't look convinced by her reason but him being considerate, he didn't push her to answer and instead, he wore that grin again on his face.
"You woke up early? Ah, I didn't know that you're too excited to see me."
She gasps in awed and her lips part while looking unbelievably at him. "Seriously?!"
He laughed. "Chill. I'm just kidding." and laugh again, making her blood boil in an instant.
But sadly, it's just a matter of time because as she stared at the man in front of her, her mind brought back to her dream and remembered someone that she met last night.
Mu Yan...
They look really the same. The way their eyes glint every time an emotion would pass through, the way they curve their lips to form a smile or even a naughty grin, the way they move, and everything but it's just that this man infront of her is in the reality and that man.. was he just purely made by her imagination?
"You're staring at me again. I'm feeling cocky you know? The woman behind those tragic books is staring at me." he said and laughed, making her out of reverie.
"Jerk." and he just grinned.
She sighs and shakes her head. "Let's just start writing anyway."
"Sure, your highness."
She stilled. 'That your highness again.'
"Hey, why are you two always calling me that anyway?"
His forehead creased. "Two? What do you mean? Is there another man who is calling you your highness?"
And she doesn't know what to answer. Is there really someone? She shook her head and decided to face her laptop.
"Nevermind. Let's just start working on this piece."
...
.
"We're half way done already." he said and took a sip from the cup of coffee.
"Hmm.." she hummed and continued typing. Her mind is still drowning from the other world. It's flooded with so many thoughts and all of the emotion from the character in the story is enveloping her, making her feel those.
The struggle that the character is facing right now. The confusion, doubt, and frustrations that it feels— all of it, she can feel it running down towards her. She can already feel the character's heart and she's drowning by her thoughts.
Deeper and deeper, it feels like it's dragging her— pulling her to the other world until such time. She didn't notice that her fingers stopped typing and her head dragged her to the table. It rested there until she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.
And there, she met him again.
...
.
"Your highness."
Slowly, she opened her eyes and found him staring at her directly.
"Your highness." he called again.
"Mu Yan?"
He smiled. "How are you? Are you still okay?"
She nodded. "I guess."
"Hmm.."
She looked around and saw the lights again. "This place looks lonely yet beautiful, Mu Yan."
"Just like you?"
She stilled and blinked . "W-What?"
"You're beautiful, your highness."
Upon hearing those compliments from him, she can feel her cheeks getting hot and reddened and her heart beats rapidly.
"I-I'm not." she said and looked away from his gaze.
"You are."
"W-Well, thank you?"
He chuckled but turned his expression into serious after a second. "Beautiful yet lonely, your highness."
She didn't say anything.
Maybe he's right. She's lonely, but why?
"Why? Who really is behind the writer of those tragic books? Who's behind Ms. Lu? Who are you, Lu Xia?"
His question made her totally shut up as her mind questioned her too. Who is she, really?
She's just Lu Xia. Nothing is special to her. She's just a girl who has dreams in life. She's just a girl with a simple life, writing to the fullest. To make herself continue living.
To make herself believe that there's still a reason to continue her empty living. Lonely? Why is she lonely?
'Cause she's alone. She's just in her own self and no one is with her all the time.
No one asks how she is, no one will ask if she's still alright, no one will ask if she's still doing fine, and no one will care if she's already tired.
All of it is totally fucked up. A mess and no one is willing to fix her.
But why? What is the reason why she is like this? Did someone hurt her? Did someone make her like this?
"Your highness."
A memory from an old past that she really wants to hide. A wound that left her heart with scars. When would it fully heal?
"Your highness."
What will she do to start filling herself again with love? With acceptance and forgiveness? She just can't.. because after all, what happened from that painful past— all of it.. was because of her.
"Your highness!"
She blink and look at him who's now looking at her with a worried expression on her face.
"Mu Yan?"
"Are you alright?"
Is she, really?
"I-I.." What will she say to him?
She has no words to speak and he notices it. So he sighs and what he did next stunned her totally.
He went closer to her and wrapped both of his arms around her and pulled her to an embrace, a tight warm embrace.
"Shh.." he gently stroked her long and wavy black with brown highlight hair and continued whispering to her.
"Shh.. Everything will be alright, okay? Just endure this for the meantime. You can get through this. You can do it." with so much courage, he said those words and then patted the back of her head gently.
"Soon, you'll be finally happy. Soon, you will never be alone, your highness."
It was just some simple encouragement words but it totally caressed her heart. She can feel her eyes getting warm and it watered. And then, tears finally streamed down on her face.
"I-I.."
"It will be alright. Just trust yourself and be brave, okay? You can get through this. I know you can 'cause I believe in you."
She found herself raising her both arms and wrapping it around his waist and hugging him tightly.
"And remember this," he continued. He looked at her eyes so she met his onyx deep brown eyes. His hands touch the side of her face and give her a warm and genuine smile.
"You are worth it to live not just because you're a writer, you are because you are you, your highness."
"Mu—"
"So value your life and continue to live and write, A'Xia."
..
.
"Lu Xia?"
She heard someone call her.
"Lu Xia, wake up!"
Groaning a little, she slowly opened her eyes and this time, it's not the onyx deep brown eyes that met her honey brown orbs— it's the nut brown owned by this man named He Tian.
"H-He Tian?"
He nodded. "Yeah, you slept while writing."
"Oh." That's all she can say and fix her crammed clothes.
"You're feeling sick again? Do you want to rest now? We can continue this again tomorrow."
She looked up and stared at him.
The same features but different people but they're both the same. That is worrying for her.
And as she thinks of it, she feels nothing towards the man in front of him.
Her heart is beating calmly, not like what happened to her in her dreams. It's not the same, she felt different between the two.
But why?
Why does her heart want Mu Yan when even though he's just in her dream and probably not real and feels nothing towards Hex who's with her in reality?
Does her heart want beautiful fiction rather than facing this real man who's always been with her?
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