Chapter 11: Her Story
"Mu Yan?"
She looks around the dark place. She's in the same dream again and in between the blue and white lights around the corners.
It feels magical actually and it's surely unreal— she stiffened.
"Unreal.."
"Your highness."
When she heard his deep and husky voice again, her heart hammered fast again as if it wanted to be out of the rib cage.
"Mu Yan?" the voice came from behind. So she turned around and when their eyes met again, tears began to fall from her eyes in an instant.
"Mu Yan!"
After seeing her tears, he immediately walked towards her and wrapped both of his arms on her waist to give her an embrace.
"I'm here.."
Upon hearing those words, she can feel something caress her heart and it made her cry harder because of the relief that she felt.
"W-Why do they have to bring it back?" Now she begins telling her feelings towards him.
"It wasn't my fault. They're the ones who made me do that thing. T-They made me like that.."
"Shhh.." he gently rubbed her back to comfort her.
"I-I was just a little one back then. I don't know anything. I am always alone because wants to befriend me. I'm always at the corner and silently watching them laugh and smile together."
She remembers those times when she was still in the orphanage. She was still 3 years-old that time when she was sent to the place so she can't remember how or who her real family is. She was timid and lonely. She can't interact with the other kids around and so did they.
They don't want to befriend her and leave her like she has some serious illness. No one stayed beside her until such time, those kids that she always saw playing were gone one by one. They got their foster parents, a new family— except for her.
Then such time came, she became a nine-year old kid. Six years had passed but still no one came for her. She's still alone in the corner and silently watches all of them having a happy living. There's a smile on their faces and as time goes by, as she stared at those genuine smiles.. a green monster slowly creeping her heart that is named jealousy.
It was midnight and she's still up. She walked towards their kitchen to drink some water but she went still when she saw some shadows.
Out of curiosity, she went there and saw two children slacking around. She remembered how they turned pale upon seeing her. She remembered how they were caught by their sisters and those two accused her, that she's the one who invited them to slack off in the middle of the night. She remembered how she was punished by locking her in the isolated room where she stayed there until noon without even eating something.
She remembered how jealousy and madness consumed her. She remembered how she became rebellious and found herself quarreling with the other kids. She remembered how they made her go to the woods in the night and made her scared in the night alone. She remembered how scared she was when she accidentally stripped which caused her lamp to fall from the grass which ruined everything.
The big fire that caused their orphanage to be destroyed. She can still hear the loud noises, their cries, the screams— everything. All of it was brought back to her memories.
"I-I didn't mean it.." she started crying again as she felt her heart was gripped tightly.
"Your highness.."
"A-And now they're questioning my worth if I deserve to be a writer. Do I, Mu Yan? Do I really deserve—"
"You are, A'Xia. You are worthy."
"T-Then why do they have to do this?"
"A'Xia.."
"You know what?" she loosens his embrace and faces him with a bit of smile plastered on her lips.
"Writing saved me from dying. I was about to give up. I was about to end my misery but it saved me." she sighs.
"I found myself picking up the pen and writing everything that I've been feeling. I used to write stories that have happy endings because I believe that everyone deserves it, isn't it?" he nodded so she continued.
"I used to believe that someday, I'll have my own happy ending.. but—"
"You're writing tragic ones now, your highness." She smiled again and nodded.
"I used to love happily ever after but after waiting for how many years.. I still haven't found it. I'm still alone and after what happened today, I think I won't—"
"But I am here.." she was stunned and went dazed to his stares. He's looking intently into her eyes.
"I will always be here."
"Mu Yan..."
He once again went closer and gave her a hug.
"So believe in happy endings again, okay? You'll never be alone because I'm always here.. in your heart, your highness."
That made her smile widely.
'Why does it feel so comfortable saying to him everything in an instant?' She didn't feel conscious or having a hard time telling everything she feels right now to him. What does it mean?
As she was hugging him back, the loud heartbeat came back and it's beating rapidly again.
'Why does it feel so right being in his arms? I felt at peace. It feels like I'm not really alone.' She closes her eyes and savors the moment.
'Why? Am I really falling?'
***