My name is Bella Weiss. Most of the people I know call me "love". Corny, yeah, and a little bit cheesy, but what can I do? Just look at my name, so they 'all decided' to set that as my nickname. I tried to change it into Bell or just my full name, but sadly, it didn't work all the time. And as time passes, I just accept it and get used to it.

I am the kind of girl or woman who is a little bit introverted and is in love with food—both cooking and eating, reading, and, of course, sleeping. I know you too—the last part, I mean.

I hate going outside, even when attending school, but I needed to go to school, so it's the only exception.

Yeah, I admit, I am a very boring person.

And people like you guys, who are social people, will never understand and accept no matter what you will or what we introverted people will do.

I am a very moody person too. As in, a total of a hundred and one percent moody. According to what I've read, it is a kind of mental disease or illness.

Can you believe that? I am NOT MENTALLY STABLE. 

Due to that, I have no real friends, and the people around me have hated me because of this since high school and senior high school—except, of course, for my lovely, sexy, and super kind 'Beshy. She is Christine Joy Collins. I know, I love her so much. They don't know how to catch up with my mood swings, 'causing me to always be on guard and wary every time people came close to me and wanted to talk to me.

Because I know...

That.... 

They will surely... 

Not going to... 

Stay. 

From my elementary days to high school and to my senior year of high school, I am always alone. I feel alone, but that's okay. I'm okay.

Now I'm in my college years.

But before I entered college, on my first day, I hypnotized myself to be a little bit social. To try to come out of my comfort zone and explore the world.

A little, just a little bit.

I guess, for me as this kind of person, I really did well, and I am really proud of myself. Because by just giving myself a little chance to talk, I have gained my circle of friends now. They accepted me for who I am.

In my days in college, I had a classmate who, for some reason, I hated for no reason at all. I don't know and don't understand.

Now, last night, I dreamed about me and that person, Myrick Wyatt. I dreamed that we were in a relationship that all started with us becoming tentmates, and in the end, we agreed to enter a relationship. It was night then.

The day after that, I was so nervous because I was not sure if I was just imagining things and all that happened that night was just an illusion. With that confusion, I just proceeded to go to school as usual. When I saw him that morning, while he was sitting on the stairs in front of the entrance that leads into the floor that our classroom is on, he was doing something on his notebook. I purposely glanced at him directly when I was passing by his side, and thankfully, our sight met. I knew at that time that he understood what I wanted to say that I couldn't say out loud.

He smiled playfully at me.

After a while of staring at each other, he shush me by putting his right index finger in his mouth, indicating that I must keep quiet and keep it a secret.

I was relieved.

'Thank God I am not imagining it.'

With a slight smile, I ask him,

"Did you already eat?"

Once again, he smiled back at me, widely this time, then shook his head and said, "No", So without saying anything, I turned my back and walked through the entrance after I indicated for him to follow me. I don't know if he understood the silent message I gave him, but when he followed me, I was relieved.

We're heading to the canteen; he's just right behind me. We just silently walk until we reach the place, then I let him order his meal. While he ate, I just sat silently by his side, quietly, casually having small talks. Yes, it was silent, but I thought it was comfortable. IT IS COMFORTING. As time passed, I lent my head into his left shoulder and signed in contentment. And I know he was content as well.

Days pass, and our relationship goes well, but it's still hidden. I'm not complaining at all, because I know if others know, then there will be a problem. I just don't remember what that problem is. As we interact more, I can say that I am very happy. We were very happy. Sometimes the others saw us when we were together, but we spouted alibis every time, and I guessed they believed those alibis.

Hehe.

So nothing really happened, just the fact that my love for him, as time flew by, grew more, and I thought that I would be scared as this was my very first time loving someone, but I didn't feel anything, and that greatly surprised me.

One morning, Lovelyn Kingsley, one of my very few friends, asked me,

"Is there anything going on between you and Myrick?" she asked bluntly.

That was when we were heading somewhere and we would do an activity, and that question shocked the hell out of me big time, and thank God she didn't notice that. I didn't expect that sudden question, and I didn't expect that. I racked my brain out for a reason or excuse, so I stayed quiet, and I thought at that time she already knew the truth, and that makes me so nervous.

I don't know what to say because I was offhandedly confronted. I'm not prepared. So I thoroughly searched for my boyfriend and was hoping that he'd be able to help me out of the situation, but I saw him at the front talking with the others. HE WAS DEFINITELY UNAWARE!!!

Urgh!!!

So I force myself to calm down.

I look back at Lovelyn, then hesitantly smile, then laugh awkwardly.

"No, why would you say that?"

She smiled back at me. My heart stopped.

'Shit!!!'

"Well, your attitude towards him a while back is not good, but this changes. It's like something changing. Also, sometimes I catch you guys with each other, talking and laughing, and sometimes he'll hug you and hold your hands intimately. The two of you are so sweet."

I was speechless.

"Ah that?..." 

I stopped. Then I look around to see if someone heard what she said. Gosh, it's so embarrassing! What would I say, and the fact that she reminded me of the time I hated my boyfriend for no reason at all, hit a tad on me. FUDGE!!

"Hahaha, well about my attitude towards him; I just thought that I would treat him nicely from now on, and I feel tired of having hate for him for no reason, you know." I told her, then laughed awkwardly.

"And now, our relationship is just being with each other, like brothers, you know." I hesitantly added, and my gaze went to Myrick, then quickly went back to Lovelyn.

I think she understood what I said as she nodded, smiled widely, and stayed quiet. This is why I love her most; she's easy to coax. We continue to walk.

'Thank God.' I sign, relieved.

'Oh my god, that was so close.'

"You know, I wish I would have a relationship like that too," she suddenly said. And again, my heart stops.

'Oh common, when will this stop?' I rub my chest, calming myself.

"I'm sure you will find someone that will surely make you happy, just like mine—I mean, just like the relationships of the others."

Yay, I slip.

I look at her. She doesn't seem to have caught what I've said.

I signed again.

Thank the Lord, she quieted after that, and we started to talk about something else.

After that incident, nothing much happened. I have told Myrick what happened, and he just laughed loudly at me. But I thought I saw that his expression darkened when I told him that he was just my friend and like a brother of mine, though I just shrugged it off, thinking that it's just my imagination.

Days passed by again, and as usual, we were happy with each other. Last night, after he accompanied me until I caught a ride back home, I hugged and kissed him on the cheek for a sweet good-bye. He keeps texting and messaging me to check if I'm home already, and as usual, he's sweet and romantic.

When morning came, he texted me something disturbing, and I quickly replied, comforting him. Saying that he still had me. Then, after a while, as we had our classes, he said he'd wait for me in the room. When I entered the room, I saw him with Marina Haley, the one whom I always thought he loved. Because he treats her well, she is gentle with him. He's always happy when he's with her, you know. Well, I was dumbstruck, then I forced myself to forget what I saw, thinking that he was just being his friendly self again.

When the teacher came, he said that we should have an activity and that we should go to the gym. So we hurriedly walked to the gym. Myrick sits in front with the same group as Marina . When I saw that, I decided to sit two seats above them on the bleachers. The teacher said that we should first describe Australia on a whole sheet of pad paper, and as expected, Myrick finished first, so I didn't look to see who was the one who stood and passed his paper because I knew it was him, so I didn't notice that he looked at me with a complicated expression.

As I finished my own work, just checking if there were any grammatical errors, out of habit, and also checking the time, I looked at my phone and saw that he had texted me, asking where I was already. That text was about 15 minutes ago, meaning it's when I entered the room, so of course I didn't have the time to check my phone, so I didn't know that I got a message from him.

That's maybe the reason.

After we finish the essay, the teacher gave us another activity, this time it's a group discussion but it's still an individual activity. After some time of working on the activity by myself as usual, my first paper flew and it went beside Myrick, I waited for him to pick it up and gave it to me but he didn't so I decided to get it myself. Then as I pick that paper, Myrick decided to pick it up suddenly and gave it to the owner when he realizes that the owner didn't pick it u. As he truly pick the paper up, he putted it on the stairs about his side because he sense that something's coming to get the paper, without checking who it was.

So he didn't know that it was me, so when I picked up the paper and looked up to see who it was, he was stunned when he saw me. I slightly smile at him, then quickly go back to my own place without saying anything, not minding what his reaction would be.

"Meany," I thought, then I pouted.

After I finished the activity, I decided to talk to Myrick, as I miss him, so I excitedly looked at where he was previously and was about to stand and walk through, but he was not there. Then suddenly, I heard his laugh above me. I looked in the direction where his voice came from, and then in there, I saw him talking excitedly and laughing lively with Marina. They seemed happy with each other, not minding the others.

That second, minute, hour, and day, I felt like my heart was breaking. Jealousy consumed me slowly as my eyes started to water.

And that's when I woke up.