After that night, I didn't know that Kashrut also noticed what happened. Then, because I was annoyed with her sister, I couldn't stop myself from saying to her everything. I told her what happened and the reason behind it.
"Sister Lief, she really is something else. I also noticed that it was you whom Liam approached not her. The girlfriend of brother Taylor and I were also surprised, you know. It's like you two have your own world there"
"Hahaha! Yes. I saw that Yohan sing. I didn't even enjoy what he sung." I complained to Kashrut because she knows how I feel about Yohan.
"That's right. How much did you spend there, sis by the way?"
"I don't know, I just give them 1,500."
In the amount I mentioned. Kashrut was taken aback. With that amount, I guessed it's too much already as she knows how much we spend when we usually drink sometime. It can't even reach 1000 but with that amount, we all chip in.
"Wow, that's really something, and then she did that. And she's the one who suggested that you drink that."
"Hahaha! You what, it's okay. Don't worry about it. It's just a onetime thing" I reassured her.
After that escapade, in the month of September, I learned that I pass the Civil Service Examination, in Professional Level. According to them, there's a total of 64,420 examinees passed the Career Service Examination – Pen and Paper Test held nationwide, representing a 16.88% passing rate.
The Civil Service Commission (CSC) announced that 54,478 examinees, constituting 16.42% of the total candidates, have successfully passed the CSE Professional Level. Furthermore, 9,942 individuals, accounting for 19.97% of the examinees, passed the Subprofessional Level.
Knowing the result, I was so happy that I passed. Out of the many people who took the exam nationwide, I am one of the few who PASSED. I was lucky to be one of them.
It's just that, Kashrut tells me that, Brenely said, that's just luck. I was just getting lucky that I got passed the exam. Sheesh!!! Ay, wow! She's just jealous of me. Hahaha! I don't care if she'll die of envy. Then, I learned that she too, apply for the next exam in the next year, 2024. She even buys a reviewer. Also, before her exam, Kashrut said to me that, in the church, they prayed for Brenely's success repeatedly that she will pass the exam.
As for me, I just stayed quiet and then told Kashrut, at least she bought a reviewer and she has the time to study. You see, when I took the exam, I couldn't have the time to review, and I was extremely sleep-deprived when I take the exam and during the exam, I was having the problem in fighting myself into not sleeping because the night before the exam, I have to finished baking something for my customer.
But when the results came out. She didn't pass. I actually laughed. Then I couldn't help but tell Kashrut that it served her right. Should she say that I got lucky when I passed. She even reviewed, and then they prayed for her. It turns out, she won't pass. Yes! I'm being bad here. But, it's her fault. I didn't even pray that she wouldn't pass.
Starting that. Well, It's just me. I started to dislike her attitude. Even before, I already have a problem with her. Since during our college days, actually we always go home together. I always wait for her, even if we come home very late in the night. One more thing, I can't say no to her mother because her mom requested that we should go home together when she learned that the time we will be dismissed in the evening, the difference is just small. There's only 30 minutes.
In those times, her family didn't know that she has boyfriends, different exes and flings. All the neighborhood of Emerald Mountain Village or our families that live there, saw her as a Maria Clara type. So innocent and pure. No one knows that she's a 'black lotus'.
Only I know.
One time, during those years, we always come late as we needed to walk a long way even if it's already 9 pm in the evening but, she wanted to stopped by first at her sister's house because her boyfriend that time is living just right beside her sister's home. I wanted to complain. I wanted to do something. But I just can't do a thing. I can't do anything anymore. That's why I just agree.
I didn't even say a thing when she requested that we should be going home using the other path which is climbing in our place because she said 'no' when I told her that we would take a ride down to our place because there's a path leading to our house that goes downhill, but she didn't want to because he said it was too dark. That it's scary. Scary my ass!! She's being dramatic again.
I ask her if she's serious about her relationship that time with the man but she only said to me that, she's very interested with him because he has money, Also, she has many flings at that time. I mean, she has many men that she entertains through online and if they talk to her with something. She always likes that.
As we keep going home late, I didn't know that she always uses me as the reason why we go home late while in fact, SHE is the reason of everything. I just go with the flow as SHE'S, MY COUSIN!!!! While me, I just want to go home directly and sleep as I have so many works, assignments and projects to do as an IT student.
I felt hurt, of course, and really feel disappointed. That time, I said to myself that I shouldn't be lenient to the likes of that kind of woman. SHE'S NOT WORTH IT!!!
Anyways, as I don't like her attitude and she begun to be incompatible with the likes of me, I really distance myself to her.
Back to the story, during our drinking session in the big sister of Mar, we we're so loud. We don't know that we're actually bothering the neighbors next door because they kept complaining about us. Our bad. But within the night, the three started to play Dart games while I was only watching them. While playing,
"Lief you should play with us!!" Brother Steward invited me smiling. Then he reaches out his hand to me holding his pin darts.
I shake my head no, "No, I'm okay here. You know, I'm so short, so of course my hand couldn't reach that far." Then I laugh hard. Which the three showered me with their teasing.
"Really? You can't be kidding us!!" Mar roasted me.
I just pouted in my sit as my form of complain. Then I stand then went to the dart board and uses my very best to reach it, but I just couldn't reach it as my hand can't reach the dart board.
They all laugh at me.
"Shit Lief you won't even reach the dart board!!" Mar teases me while the other two laugh.
I just turned to see them and make a face at them earning another round of laughing. After that, as we all drunk. Yohan suggested that we will get a coffee first inside the house to ease our dizziness a little bit. As usual, I am only complying with them as I am not that actually drunk. I am still composed, and just watching them.
After drinking coffee, we talk, we laugh. I am very happy and contented at that time.
As always, as we come the same direction. In making our way back home, I am with Yohan. I was touch because while we climb the stairs, because the place where Mar's sister's house is located in a very low place, my back faces him, his right in my back, unexpectedly he holds my waist to support me for me not to fall down.
I smile secretly because I am sure that he won't see me. But as if remembering something, he let go. I kind off, disappointed. Yeah!! Super bad of me!
As we walk on the path upward, because there's a road going up into our own destination as they were only separated with one house, suddenly, Yohan, went near me and held my waist tightly.
"Huh!! Your actually really small." He said my laughing. His crazy. I didn't know that, in that move of him, he checks my height. My head only reaches his shoulder.
"Hmp!!"
I can't on replying to him as my mind is only thinking on the heat that his body gives me as his body, we're really close to my side.
"Remember what happened at Mommy' comfort room?"
For a while, I stays silent then I look at Yohan, telling this way and confirming that I remember. This is the third time he said to me that remembers. I didn't expect that he knows. That he still remembers. It's been many years. I thought he already forget it as his drunk at that time.
To my surprise, he kisses me suddenly.
My heart melted.
I can't do anything.
I wanted it badly!!
"Let's do a quickie?" He invites me and pulled me at the back of the car that is parked in there.
I don't have any knowledge of sex. The last intimate that I did, was way back. That one which happen in mommy's comfort room, with Yohan. I admit, at my age, as I was already 23, I am watching porn. Any kind of porn, but I don't actually have any experience about that. As I said, his my first in everything!!! But I do know what a quickie is. So, I kind of feel a little nervous. But my nervousness has that anticipating feeling.
I'm being bold here actually. With the knowledge of him having longtime girlfriend only, as they we're still in a relationship for many years, I know it's bad.
I let him, pulled me. Thank God the place is so dark. Our kiss continues in there. As the kiss deepen, he guides me into tasting his core. I didn't object. I just go with the flow because I wanted to try it and wanted to please him so I just did it. After bobbing my head for a while, as I know, my teeth sometimes touch his core and I kind of chocked on it, I guessed he felt it, he stopped me and guided me into facing the car, my back, in front of him. Accidentally, I slam my hands to support me at the car so he shushes me. Then, he started to unbuttoning my jeans and starts to lowering it as he pushes me down so that my butt will face him further.
As he enters me, I am surprised that he enters my back entrance. It hurt, as didn't expect it. As you know previously, his my very first. . . IN EVERYTHING!!!
It really hurts, but I didn't protest. After five thrust, he stopped. I looked back at him questioningly. He didn't respond as he guided me to face him. Before I can say something, he kisses me deeply. After a while of kissing and he started to hold me down there again, my mind abruptly thinks about his girlfriend which it's like a cold water was splashed at me there and that woke me up. Interrupting my urges, my seeking feelings at him and my delusions.
So, even my body and heart protest, I stop Yohan in taking more steps further.
"As you said, we can do all the way when our house is already built and is accessible to live. You can wait at that time." I said to him sincerely while my hands hold his faced side by side for him to stare at me directly to my eyes. Then I kissed him in the side of his mouth, full of emotion.
Yohan didn't say a thing and he just kisses me there again, lips to lips. But after a while, like previously, I stopped him again.
"I promise!!" I said again to him directly, con breaking our eye contact.
Thanks God!! He listens to me. So, after calming ourselves there, we proceed to walk back in our home. While walking,
"Huh!! You really got me hooked today. Remember, you owe me." He said to me while holding my waist and hugging me sideways.
"Hmm. . "
When we reach the gate through my uncle's house, I said my goodbyes to him, strengthening my courage, I give him a hug there. I'm sure I surprised him with my actions, but thankfully, he didn't say a thing.
But after a while of me just hugging him there, he joked, "Hahaha. Let's go to your house."
"Haha. No. I'm already contented just the way it is." I said, which in the last part, I really say it to console myself. I don't care if it confused him.
After I let him go, he says his good bye and left. I just stand where I am standing. My gaze never left him, it followed him, when I can't see his silhouette, I then left too slowly.
When I got home, I entered silently through the door as I know, everyone within the house is already fell asleep. Though when I entered the door through the shared room of mine and my cousin silently, my younger cousin is still awake. She greeted me when she felt that I am already home.
I guessed she saw that I am not alright when I got home so she asks me if I am okay the day before.
I am not okay. As usual, every time we we're having an interaction between him and me, I always have the feeling of being loss. Every time, we have an interaction, my state will never be the same after that night, though I recover after a day of feeling down. Me, feeling depressed.
I keep wanting more.
As I can't take it anymore, I blurted out everything. All the way from our very first interaction. Until today as well as my every dissatisfaction with Brenely even if I know that Kashrut is close to Brenely. All of it.
"Big sister, seriously, how long it is?" Kashrut abruptly asks me which I looked at her unbelievably.
"Really?" I ask.
She just laughs.
"I don't know but I got choked." I said straightforward at her causing her to laugh hard.
'Jeez. . . . this girl!!'
We didn't notice the time as we have a heart-to-heart talk. She even complains that she too, have many complains with Brenely. As Kashrut too, Brenely uses her sometimes within her alibis when she wanted to go out or she's going home late and many more. Also, according to her, she's a big flirt in disguised of a decent lady. I laugh hard because of that.
When I tell her that she's a woman who wanted to have all the attention of boys. As that time, we know that she's seeing a man, younger than her that time but, she's still entertaining others. Causing for me to laugh hard is the fact that he agrees to me.
Kashrut even told me that she feels Brenely can't accept that she's a pansexual. Because she had a secret girlfriend way back, and Brenely found out.
After two days before of our 'drinking session' that night, Kashrut tells me that, according to Brenely, why didn't we invite Brenely and we didn't say to her that we were going to drink? Then maybe I only wanted to be the only babe in that drinking session. She also said we are not that very close anymore.
LIKE WHAT THE HECK!!!
In the first place, she's the reason why Mar and I didn't invite her as she always declines and said she already change her lifestyle, that she's already passed the time when she drinks till midnight. Then that's what she would say. SHIT SHERLOCK!!!
My hatred to her intensified.
Because of what she said, and I hated her more because of that. Being childish in my part, I told my aunt when I am buying barbeques to her in every complains that I have in Brenely. Because when I am waiting for my barbeque to be cooked, she told me that, according to them, and IT IS WHAT THEY ARE SEEING, they think that, THAT woman is very nice.
She was surprised, of course. Then she responded, "So, that's how she is. In fact, her mother always proudly said to every person who buys in their store that her daughter is kind to other people."
Which I only laugh at. That's theirs. Huh! I don't care! As long as for me. They're all wrong!
I know. It's very bad in talking someone behind their back. But, is she worth it? Noooo!!!! SHE"S NOT!!!! I don't care.
Months passed by again. Within these months, our long distant cousin, I guessed, said to uncle that her, together with her live in partner want to take a vacation. As they don't have any to go with, uncle Tyrus just say yes to them and tell them that they are welcome.
It's just that, the woman is pregnant already and her belly is big. After their one-week vacation, they're still in the house even if it's already 3 weeks. Then I learned that, they're going to live in there after all. I am shock so, in the face of Kashrut, I complain. It turns out that she too, have many complains. But we don't have the right to say no. So, we just go with the flow. Within 2 months of being with them, I learned from Kashrut that that 2nd or 3rd cousin of ours, Candace, said that my cooking is not delicious and she's not getting used with the taste.
I was really offended. I can tolerate anything, except the fact that if anyone will complain in my cooking. Hell. They will surely offend me. I know uncle Tyrus and Kashrut love my cooking, even if they have complained sometimes, they didn't say as they know, that I am in-charge of cooking as they don't know how to cook. I always do the cooking, even if I am very tired because of my work.
I just stay silent and didn't say a thing and Kashrut too, didn't say a thing as we saw that uncle really favors that girl.
After many days, and the fact that I already urge mother before that we're having our comfort room be done, I insist at my mother that I will be living on our house which is a little far away from uncle Tyrus's house, even if I'm going to lived their alone. Because I can't take it anymore living with that woman and her partner too. In addition to my dissatisfaction living with that them, I learned that the boy, Candace's live in partner say's to Candace's face that I am pretty which makes that girl jealous of me. As I didn't want a conflict, I decided that I should be the one to go.
When I moved out the house, I'm not really get used to it as the house is not yet finished, we don't even have a water and a light. Though we get the windows done, when I move in. Thank God, I still have water due to the rain water that was slowly storage there. Though I got used to it right away because in fact, I'm a loner. I want to be alone sometimes. And the house, gave me that convenient. I didn't fear living in that house alone and even though, they said that they always say that people saw a ghost in there.
I lived there happily and contented. No problems, no worries. It's just the longing that I felt for him, Yohan.