Running.
I'm tired of running away from him.
You're probably wondering why I'm running and who I'm running from.
I'm running away from him and it has always been him.
That doesn't answer your question does it?
That's just what I think.
Why am I running, what am I running from?
Maybe because I broke his promise.
Stomped on his heart and made him heartless.
Now I'm scared of the person I've made.
Well the person who my dad helped me carve out.
I'm tired of running yet I need to keep running.
Running for my sanity.
Running for my mental health.
I keep hearing the voices.
They keep calling me.
But who are those calling me?
Who do these voices belong to? I have no idea.
But they are successfully breaking me.
He has successfully become a monster.
Very deadly and dangerous.
I'm scared...no one will help.
My dad is not an option. My stepmum is not an option. My friends are not an option because I can't tell them.
So I'm all alone.
All alone diving deep into the sea of despair.
If he finds me I'd probably never live again.
Why would he let me live? I keep running.
To him I look like an innocent flower but I'm the serpent under it.
I think I need help.
No, I'm positive I need help but who will help me?
It's not like my dad can't help me it's just that he is so selfish.
He thinks I'm an abomination after all I killed his wife.
Yes my mum died while giving me life.
She exchanged my life for hers.
She shouldn't have done that.
That was her biggest mistake because my dad made my life hell.
He wanted a boy and I was a girl.
He is a sexist and doesn't believe in my abilities.
He keeps controlling me telling me what to study, where to go, what to do and how to live my life.
My stepmum on the other hand was a manipulative witch.
She keeps on controlling my dad telling him what to do and how I need control.
Yes you heard it right I need control.
Oh yeah did you forget I said I was running away from him.
I got carried away telling you about my parents.
I'm sure you also forgot I was running.
Do you know how I got in this position, running away for my life?
I'm sure you don't.
Obviously you wouldn't because I haven't told you.
Silly me.
Maybe this is why hardly anyone listens to me because I question a lot of things.
It all started when we were young.
We grew up together and unlike every romance story that you have read, we didn't think of ourselves as soulmates we were just friends...well that was what we were until it all began.
Our fathers were friends and you might think that I would have known him all my life but we became friends when I was 6. I was in the park while being watched over by my nanny. Obviously my dad had no interest in my well being.
He was two years older and he helped me unto the slides, to climb the ropes and then I became attached to him. We became friends and we would meet everyday at the park on my "daily walks"
Yup, I had to go on a daily walk when I was younger from 4pm till 7pm.
I think it was my dad's method of pushing me out of his house and out of his space. He was hardly home anyway. Always going for different business trips and business deals, taking women along with him to business gatherings which will then be displayed on the television.
It made me sad seeing my dad having time to go for parties, go for business gatherings and deals forgetting that he had a daughter. I craved attention and when i eventually saw him, he would tell me to go into my room looking and planning my schedule.
I had a schedule.
When I told you that my dad planned my life I wasn't joking. I couldn't do anything without it being in the schedule. My nannies wouldn't allow me.
I craved attention and love. Just an element of recognition and I found it in him.
He gave me all the attention I needed. He would look at me reading and playing to my hearts content.
Because he was two years older, my nannies thought he was more responsible and he really was. He would watch over me, make sure I was safe.
He was like my guardian, the dad I never had. He was all in one. I was over the moon when I started school and I was enrolled in his school.
He would protect me from bullies and make sure I was safe.
He watched me grow up and grow a back bone. He was the shoulder I could rest on, my rock and motivation.
I'm sure you must be wondering how someone who is so nice, watches over me and protects me is the same person I am running from.
But it's all in due time.
I'll tell you, you just have to be patient.
As they say Patience is key.
I wish I was patient, maybe it would have helped me.
Wishes, wishes, wishes there are a long list of wishes I wish were a reality.