Do not worry I haven't deserted you, I'm still here.
I've told you about him now, well how he was with me. I think it's only fair if I tell you his name.
If you've made it this far, you sure are very patient.
I've been deviating and telling you about my thoughts yet you keep reading. Well done.
His name is Felix.
Oh and I think I forgot to introduce myself.
I'm Aphidah.
A girl who was once really bold but now shy. A girl who was once innocent but now corrupted by the horrors of the world. A girl who thought that life was all princesses, cupcakes and rainbows. A girl who thought that a father's love is not important as he is always working in order to provide for you.
Yup that girl is me...all me.
Felix was my compliment.
Just like how there are complimentary goods and substitute goods, Felix and I were like that.
Did you think me saying Felix was my compliment was like a praise?
it wasn't.
Haha (giggling) you made me giggle.
The thought of you thinking that was what I meant coupled with me thinking you were silly made me giggle.
Thank you.
I'm actually really serious thank you.
It has been so long since I've giggled I actually thought I couldn't feel like any human anymore.
Now back to my story telling.
On a faithful day, I received a certain news from my Dad.
The day was definately faithful because for the first time in my 12 years of existence, my dad spoke to me.
I was having breakfast and my dad walked into the dining, informing me that we would be having his friends over. I had to dress "responsibily" and make sure that I didn't embarrass him.
As my dad said 'make any mistake and you shall be punished'.
I had to make sure I was well behaved, I was really scared.
When dad's friends came over, it turned out they came with their children. I was really shy and I was trying to make sure i didn't attract any attention.
I hated the kids, they were really rude and snobbish.
Typical rich people
Now I'm thinking
If I had my dad's support and love would I have been rude?
I just wanted to escape the gathering. I felt like I didn't fit in but there was nothing I could do.
You know when i said this day was a faithful day, I really wasn't joking.
My dad had dragged me to introduce me to his business partner and his son.
The business partner was Felix's dad.
And there he was Felix.
My savior from boredom.
After the introduction Felix spilled the beans saying I was his best friend.
Our fathers were relieved and I didn't even understand the meaning of the look on their face at that point in time.
I ran out of the room grabbing Felix when our dad's left, taking him to my room.
We talked all night long till it was time for Felix to leave.
After that, my relationship with Felix progressed as he would come over to my house well more of mansion.
It never occurred to me that I have never been to Felix's house.
Maybe because I knew my dad might not allow me or he doesn't want to see me or learn about my existence.
So I did what I know how to do best. Ignored my dad and make sure I was not anywhere he was.
And then it all began.
As they say it's always calm before the storm.
First my dad introduced me to a woman who would be and is still my stepmum apparently.
I vividly remember the lavish wedding. She was nice to me when she was still my dad's girlfriend.
I remember picking the invitation card style thinking I would finally get the love of a family apart from Felix.
It was a purple and gold invitation card with Alec and Celine in beautiful cursive writing.
After the wedding Celine made my life hell. She made me call her mom saying it brought her joy but in reality it was to remind me that she was and would always be the man my dad chose to get married to.
She manipulated my dad to make me work.
I became a slave in my own fathers house.
I do not even know if my dad knew about all the chores I had to do.
She would smack me and beat me up when I did something wrong saying I was a curse.
I hated her so much.
I couldn't tell my dad because I knew he wouldn't help.
I couldn't tell Felix because I didn't want to bother him.
Then I started hearing the voices.
They started creeping in my head making me believe everything that Celine said about me.
I was scared.
Then the nightmares started coming in.
How do you expect my naive 12 year old mind to react.
I couldn't sleep.
I couldn't look in the mirror without thinking I was ugly and didn't deserve any love.
I was scared Felix would leave me just like my dad abandoned me.
I started believing my mum died because of me even though I knew it wasn't my fault.
I hated myself, hated my body.
This continued for 4 years. Even though Felix started noticing I couldn't tell him. I started bringing up excuses to avoid our meetings.
Then we started drifting apart.
Even though I was scared Felix would leave me I still couldn't bring myself to meet up with him.
Felix was persistent though.
He kept on visiting, making sure I was okay even though sometimes the atmosphere was awkward.
Then one of the most important events in my life occurred.
When I was 16 on a Thursday in May, Felix and I were lying on the grass in my garden basking and enjoying the evening sun.
He made me promise him that I wouldn't leave him.
I can vividly remember his angelic face with a serious expression
"promise me"
"promise me that we'll be together forever"
"promise me you would never leave me"
And I responded "i promise"
I think that was the biggest mistake of my life.
Never make a promise you don't know you can keep especially if you are not in control of your life.
I thought I could keep the promise.
I mean Felix and I were together for years already.
I thought we could be together forever just like every other friend.
Grow up together and make our kids become friends.
But sometimes a promise can be broken.
A promise has to be broken if you have no control.
A broken promise leaving everything in ruins.
Making me bare.
Do not forget the voices are still in my head everytime I blink.
Sleep
Eat
And even close my eyes.