10 August, 2023
Dear Sun,
"Hey," I had said out of the blue as I was kneeling for almost about 5 minutes or maybe an hour I don't remember. I remember how adrenaline rushed through my veins and my cheeks might be flushed up red with a huge grin plastered on it…you whined with the utmost endearing large grin making my lips curve every time. You had said, "Come on now" I chuckled so hard that maybe my voice was echoing around your garden which was lightened up with my mostly tangled fairy lights. So many imperfections weren't there? There were unpolished grasses, and dead flowers scattered around, and messier were our hairs, old worn-out clothes, swollen eyes and puffy noses, and quivering dry lips. "What? I said, "No, the moon looks so beautiful tonight, doesn't it?" you whined as your wide grin faded so quickly that I had to retreat myself from bursting into laughter. Your eyes filled with curiosity, anticipation, desperation, impatience, and a hell lot of madness. Your eyes almost were glistening with numerous starlets like tears. Pearls were on the verge of falling and I was drowning in those unexplained craziness of yours to hear me. "If you don't have anything else to say?" you had said and I shook my head and was almost getting up to make you believe I wasn't gonna say anything else. You pouted hilariously...okay how I was supposed to survive. How does someone's lips curve that much low huh? I still cannot discover it. How someone's eyes can cover the entire universe's shine huh? How can someone radiate life into human bodies? How can someone make humans feel alive? "The moon is beautiful, isn't it? Answer me no '' I whined while still kneeling. You tiredly looked at the moon and nodded, almost getting disappointed thinking I was gonna propose to you. I was. I was…I then got up and asked near your ears in a whisper, "So when's the marriage" You pouted so hard I thought you were gonna curve your lips' shape into a different one, but you had said, "Not until you propose to me huh" why were you so cute huh? Like why are you cute huh? Your ears were bright red, and your cheeks were heating up with pink tints. I pulled out a platinum ring slowly slid it through your ring finger and said, "Will you always say that the moon is beautiful even if the moon is not seen in the sky?" I saw tears falling from your eyes looking down at the ring finger inclined with mine. Your eyes reveal the most charming pair of pearls falling on my hands. You looked at me and said, "I will, I always will…Now come to ask if I can marry you?" you pronounced each word by exposing so many shapes of your lips. How can someone's shoulder hunch up that much when talking huh? How can someone just act so weird when asking for something…why were you so adorable? Why are you still? Can anyone make that many faces like you when they speak? I doubt it. I was laughing and knelt again. "I can't believe this, we just got engaged that means I asked right?" you shook your head and your hair perked up. How can someone be this much like a baby huh? Still are. Might be a cheesy letter this is. But never mind. So I said, "Okay my moonlight in the night sky, would you mind holding my hands when they are worn out and need support to walk the path of difficulties, would you mind curving your lips when I speak, would you mind sparing me a dramatic glance when I don't even ask for? Would you mind making those weird expressions when you are embarrassed in front of me? Would you mind being this much pouty when you are sulking? Would you mind spreading star-like radiation when I am in darkness? Would you mind growing old with me huh, would you mind spending the rest of our worn-out lives in our home in the countryside? Would you mind me calling you old man when we grow old and would you mind seeing me growing old with you..so old man will you marry me?" you laughed in between your uncontrollable sobs. You knelt and hugged me. I giggled as I hugged you back so fervently that I thought I was hearing your heartbeats. Might be faster than mine. We were laughing our asses off. "How fucking cheesy you are" you had remarked and I laughed so hard burying my face in your neck and inhaling your sweat. Kinda gross but I loved it. I love you. "I love you, you old woman" You carried me as you swayed me in the air and our voices echoed on the entire imperfect decorative garden. "Stop calling me old, you old man" You chuckled and said "Old woman, an old woman and you are an old woman" you stated and I glared at you and you were laughing so hard. "The only old woman I can fall in love with so many times, God I love you" You kissed my cheeks chastely and I burst into giggles. I loved you so much, I loved you so much and I loved you so much, and many many many more times…
Yours Sunflower
23 October, 2023
Dear Sun,
I still remember our first night, the night we were too tired to even admire each other. After all the wedding functions, we were exhausted. I remember us running to our rooms to just freshen up and get some sleep before we start packing for Paris. Our honeymoon. But you know honey, I felt like I was on top of the cloud in those moments. The moment we decided to get married, the functions, the hassle with family members, the jam-packed venues with our friends, I felt like, I was fleeing from all those heavy thoughts, all those thoughts which were my daily parts, but for a moment, I felt I just breathed without thinking a single content, without letting a single viewpoint to cross my mind. I just let myself laugh freely, now if I reminisce about those days, I feel like I am seeing a slow-motion fairy tale. At that moment, I felt like flying, swaying my wings in the sky. I felt like capturing the time and letting it freeze for a while for me to grasp it. I needed those times to stop for me to live in it. But those moments were me and I lived. I felt like happiness became like a liquid substance and it was filled to the brim. I could inhale without thinking about anything. My trauma wasn't overpowering the feelings, my past wasn't reflecting in front of my eyes. I remember being the attention of your eyes surrounding thousands. I remember people showering us with flowers and we were looking at each other, forcing the time to be still for god's sake. We lived at that very second when we accepted the future for us, we loved that very second when we said yes to each other.
I remember waking up in the middle of the night, letting my eyes wander on you. you were holding me as your wife for the first time. You were holding me as if I was the only warmth in the cold, as if I was the only softness around the harshness as if I was the only flower in the world without thorns. As if you can rely on me and let you lose the messy you as if you are content to the brim. I could cry. I felt you snuggle to me more in tiredness, I felt you stirring and finally finding a more comfortable place to snooze in sleep, my arm pillows. I saw your pillows were left aside and you were sleeping in my arm pillows, burying your face in my neck as if I was a blanket that protects you from the cold and rough winter. I was holding the raw you, the bare you, the true you. Not the guy who is a perfect son, not a guy who is a perfect man in his job, who is a perfect brother of his sister. I was holding you as a husband. My husband. Only mine was this bond. My fingers combed your hair and you slept peacefully in my cocoon. My eyes never get tired of seeing you. I wasn't admiring you. I was just bathing in you. I counted your 6 moles. Yeah, you have 6 moles. I have always counted them. On your lips, eyes, cheeks, forehead, nose, and chin. I drew my fingers in your moles and then your eye patches, they are so long to look at and delicate to touch. What were you huh? A sky? A star? Never
You were the Sun, the sun every element of the world worships for lights. You shine as if the universe bows to you and as if the stars get chained surrounding you to protect you, as if the planets turn their heads to you as if the earth feels grateful for letting it, you're home. But at this moment, your home is me. I know. I have always known. I have always known home is where you come after a tiring day. But for you, home is also a place where we can get tired without getting ashamed. Home is me to you when you want to get tired of life, home is me to you when you want to cry, when you want to break apart, when you want to be shattered. Your home is me where you expect me to gather your shattered pieces and replace them with mine for you to breathe easier than earlier. You are still my sun
I remember I was your home before too; I was your home that night too when I kept looking at you until the sun rays shined to shower you with its glazes.
My first night wasn't sexual. But it was intimate. I could see you realizing I was your home and will be your home for the rest of my life. Intimacy was overwhelming that night. I loved you so much. I always have. I always have.
Yours Sunflower