Hiraeth
"Yes, Jaycee. Love, I will be fine. Stop feeling guilty. It was your work. It's important. We both know it right?"
I told her, almost whining as my lips were smiling. She could come with me to the airport. She suddenly got an interview to attend in Boston, so she took the flight yesterday night. I am here alone in the airport, boarding along with my baby. I grasped my belly with one hand and rubbed it. There is a sudden warmth spreading against my cheeks just by thinking we are going to meet his or her father, how his boxy smile would burst out and he would kiss me. I bit my lips, feeling giddy all over.
Being pregnant made me extra conscious as I assigned 6 guards to escort me. I need to feel safe and the paparazzi are always following me, I can't move freely. But it's not like I don't appreciate the love I am getting, it's just the commotion I hate. I hate crowded people. I still remember how Javi used to take me to deserted places because of my social anxiety. But after marrying Tristan I was bound to attend his award shows, events, promotional interviews, etc. It's not like I am complaining. I loved it with Tristan.
I walked as the camera flashed against my face, I walked more steps as cameramen surrounded me asking me various questions, mostly irrelevant. Reporters crowding around me, I felt extremely nauseous. In this condition, I feel my feet are becoming heavy as my steps are becoming slow. I feel tired very easily.
"Yeah yeah. I know"
I heard Jaycees' voice on my Bluetooth earpiece. I almost forgot she was still on the call.
"But call me whenever you need me, I will come to you. Are you still sure, Hiraeth?"
I smiled as I said
"Of course love. Take care, okay? Come to me quickly when the interviews are done"
She said her wishes as she cut the call. I smiled and kept walking until I reached the reception.
My insides were feeling extra giddy. I don't know why there is a certain anxiousness.
Suddenly my eyes found something familiar, someone familiar as it wandered and stuck on a particular figure. A buff figure, wearing a bucket hat. A Calvin Klein leather jacket loosened and a pair of cargo oversized pants. Black chunky sports boots. The hat was covering most of his eyes, doe eyes. A certain pair of star eyes, who would have thought I would recognize my Javi this easily just by a glimpse? I could recognize him by stares only. My heart knows its favorite person. My lips curved.
His hair was short and morally gray. He changed his hair color. Earlier the bucket hat couldn't hide his long lushed hairs overlapping each other against his forehead. But now his hair was barely there, he cut his hair in a more muscular way. He walked and behind him, a pair of muscled guards were walking. He looked straight as his eyes became more visible to me. His eyes are stern, as if rock solid, nothing to give and nothing to take. Never letting any emotion pass by. Never letting a whim of misery touch him. He was cold. I could feel this far.
He was going outside of the airport. He was looking very handsome, but the prettiness wasn't there. What happened to him? I frowned. Those eyes aren't curiously looking at things, his eyes are dark and deep. He looks as if he knows everything and doesn't care about most of the things. As if very nonchalant to the world surrounding him.
"Javi"
I never realized I already called him and the airport people froze and looked at me. The reception area is free of paparazzi. There wasn't any commotion. Just the flight attendees.
I thought he stopped in his tracks and turned. His eyes turned wide the more the second went by. He looked at me as if I was invisible, then I was impossible to see, his eyes looked at me as if he wasn't expecting me there. His eyes never softened like earlier.
I could feel my heart remembering the nostalgia, the way I felt near him, one or two times when I felt my heart beating differently for him. I remembered everything. How I wanted to give him everything he asked for. But now looking at him makes it more believable. I would give him anything to get back the softness he had in his appearance. Why Javi isn't softening, why his eyes aren't starry?
I slowly walked towards him and his eyes never left me. He kept looking at me, drinking me in. his subconscious mind must have recalled me, or maybe he forgot about me. Maybe.
I went to him as the guards trapped me.
"LEAVE"
He yelled as the guard's arms fell against my shoulder to push me. After his yelling, I could see anger fueling into his system. He was mad, he was pretty badly mad. But why? Just because the guards touched me.
My heart swelled with fondness. I went closer as I said
"Javi..Hi..I uhm…do you remember me"
I asked, smiling sheepishly.
He looked at me in disbelief as I said something totally out of the syllabus. Maybe
His cheeks are suddenly turning tinted, his cheeks are flaring high up. He nodded
"Hiraeth…Hi"
He said as his ears turned red somehow. His eyes lined my face as if seeing something that he was longing for. His eyes had an ache I never knew existed. He has under-eye bags. He looked at my baby bump. His voice is deeper and thicker. He looks aged. As if more aged than he is. As if a huge burden is on his shoulders. And he can't release the tension from his body
"You here?"
I asked because the silence was suddenly awkward. We were never awkward earlier. Damn it. So many years right? I missed this man. I wish I could find him.
"Uhm I am here for some work."
I nodded, he looked everywhere but not me suddenly. Suddenly I feel out of place. He isn't interested in continuing the conversation I think. His eyes are droopy as he hasn't slept for ages. I again nodded
"Uhm I'm okay, I will see you soon. Uhm I accidentally lost my phone that day. I would have called. I am sorry. I might need your number. I mean can we....can we talk like before? I mean only if you want. I didn't find you anywhere and yeah you never called me. Yeah, you might not want to talk to me right? Yeah, it's been so many years. It's alright if you don't give your number. I just"
He looked at my overly chatty self and laughed, it was almost a scoff
"Here give me your phone"
I grinned as he looked at me. His expressions were so hurtful. I don't know what he was hurting for.
He gave me his phone number on my phone and saved it as Javi. I took the phone back as he was looking at my lock screen. It was Tristan's. I clicked the picture on our wedding day, he was smiling looking at me with his boxy smile. He was the happiest. He looked back at me. He nodded and smiled a little. A fake smile. I know his fake smiles.
"Okay, then Hiraeth. I need to leave, yeah."
He said as he walked away. I don't know why he didn't respond that he didn't call me for some reason. I thought there might be some reason. He was quiet mostly. He never talked much. His eyes weren't lightening. But his aura was different, powerful, dominating, and very much reserved. He caged himself. If he is a writer. I am too. I read him well. He reads me well.
He didn't ask me about my life, he just left. Might be busy.
I turned and went back to the entrance of the plane.