Hiraeth
Flashback
"Why me?"
I asked, looking at his sun eyes as he was hugging me from behind in front of our big mirror in the closet. I just got ready for a private dinner party with his friends. He was looking at me with those hooded, almost drunk, eyes. I felt warmth spreading against my cheeks and neck. I was always flustered at this house. We just got married a few weeks ago, it all seems like a fairytale. I felt my cheeks took a shade darker; I looked down from his stare
"You are beautiful"
He said with his little thin velvety voice making me weak everywhere.
I smirked but I think my smile was so wide, I couldn't even hide it
"Mr. Kim. I have heard it from quite a few, try harder"
He laughed with his iconic boxy-shaped curved lips. I felt my insides flaring in happiness
His arms were on my waist. Face buried in my neck, I looked at him in the mirror. My arms were over his, caging him as he did the same. We were always like this, attached like glue, because sometimes I barely got to see him for 2 or 3 months, he would soon start attending the programs and events, and I would always be left alone at home, waiting for him, so we make the best of it.
"You know the moment I saw you, I wasn't searching for anything in particular to make me feel attracted or anything. I looked at you just because I wanted to, and looking at you made me realize I was always searching, searching for someone I never knew I needed. I know I am not verbal with my actions, but I love you with all my heart, as long as it beats. I chose you because you saw me in a room full of other fictional characters. These days girls love and get attracted to them and get involved with them mentally but if you saw me the way a real girl looks at a fictional character, you saw the scars earlier, you knew my flaws from earlier, but you just hid it and wanted me, with everything. But gradually in real life, you held me, looked at me when I couldn't look at myself, made me breathe when anxieties weren't leaving me, heard my songs as if you had never heard something more beautiful, listened to my words as if every word was worth hearing, you cried on my success when I couldn't believe it. I chose you because I couldn't look at others after you, I chose you because you never came in front of me even if you were in love with me a few years earlier. I chose you because I started dreaming about a life with you, which I have never felt for anyone."
He said as I tried my best not to cry. He kissed my hair, as I turned, and lined his features with my eyes, he was beautiful. Covered with moles, I wonder if we have kids someday then how his features will bloom in that infant and make me remember I have two of these. Just thinking of being a mother of his children makes me want to love him even more, the weight of love is so much that I might collapse. I wrap my arms around his neck, as his eyes dark.
Skin-to-skin isn't something so explicit for us, he needs skin contact, especially mine, it makes him sane, it makes him believe I won't leave, I won't leave even if he makes me. He is my husband, my other half, and my whole full sun. How can I leave the sun? He looked at me as if he never wanted to look away. When the sun rises, even if we know the scorching will be unbearable, we still look at the sun with unconditional awe.
The words he told me made me trust him even more.
"I love you husband"
He smiled again as his lips curved. I captured his smiles with my eyes, after he giggled as I captured them then with my lips. He closed his eyes along with me, as we kissed. There is something so heavenly to kiss him, we make love but nothing feels as good as kissing him, taking his breath, and living a little with it. It is so intimate. He kissed me open-mouthed and devoured me as if something long craved.
Our forehead was warm, cheeks heaved up and we were messily making out. Like teenagers, we then laughed out loud, brushing cheek to cheek. Gosh, I love my life.
END OF FLASHBACK
A few tears fell as I lay on the couch and read the magazine.