'Especially then. You Just...You don't give up! Because if I could give up... If I could just, you know, take the whole world's advice... And...and move on and find someone else, that wouldn't be love. That would be...' Ted sighs at the sad realization of his state. 'That would be some other disposable thing not worth fighting for.'
"I feel you Schmosby..." I mumble.
Only if I can tell him, tell him how I feel. But I can't, he has a girlfriend. Schmosby continues to give the greatest speeches about love. Yet my mind ponders at the thought of what will never be. I would love to go back to seeing him as a friend. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to lose myself too. Why am I like this? Why do I fall so hard? Why can't I move on?
I know why, I know what to do to not feel this way, but I don't want to. To not feel this way; I must avoid him. But... I'm not ready to lose another friend. I'm not ready to see him gloomy and confused by me moving away. Everyday seeing him smile, seeing him by my side would be all I need. His smile is all I need. It is all I need even if I feel like my heart is being ripped apart.
My mom's phone rings to the tune of 'Inkem Inkem Kavalae.'"
Adhitya..." she yells, "phone yethu ra."
Being so focused on the crazy spiral Schmosby was going through, the spiral I was going through; I unconsciously filtered out her yelling.
My mom marches angrily from the kitchen, towards her phone "Can't you pick up the phone?"
"It's your phone mom, privacy." I blurt back."
I told you to pick it up." She replies angrily.
"What? When..." She cuts me off with her glare as she picks up the phone and rushes back to the kitchen. A few minutes passed by, I was focused on the show on the TV and then I heard a reverberating clang. I chuck the remote onto the sofa and run to the kitchen.
My mom... Her face was very hard to read, mostly it was shock, but there was anger, sadness and pity too. The spatula she made the dosas with was on the ground. The dosa was getting burnt. She looked at me, her eyes red. I could see pain and anger; I don't know what exactly she was feeling towards me. She comes to me, pushes me out of the kitchen and slams the door on me.
Is she angry with me? Did she find out something? Did my school call regarding all the unsubmitted assignments. Did she find...? My mind hooks upon that thought. There is no way she can know, no, no, no, no, no. I take my right-hand place it on my chest and tap my fingers onto my chest in a wave like motion "All is well, all is well, all is well.
"There is no way she can know except if it was... No, he wouldn't do that. He knows me. He would never do that. I dismiss that thought with no evidence to support that.
It has been an hour. My mom has been silent since the call. What had happened? Why does she look so tense. I wanted to ask her, but I was scared to, because what If it was something related to me? I'm in no mood to be yelled at today.
An hour later my dad arrived. She took him aside, away from me into my study room. I heard the lock click. This is bad, this is bad, but there is no way of them knowing about me. Have I been that obvious? My mind started going haywire. A moment later, they came out.
"Adi" goes my dad. My heart was beating too loud, my breath was ragged. "Take a day off from school tomorrow." He continues.
Why a day off? They know, they know, they know I like a boy. They're going to disown me. My anxiety hit its peak. My body shivering, my heart pounding like it wants to be free from my body and my breathing, I felt breathless.
"Adi, Adi, Adi..." My mom calls me soothingly. "What happened? Why are you so anxious? Breathe ra, breathe."
I calmed down. "Take a leave tomorrow, we have to go somewhere." Told my mom.
"Where?" I slightly retaliated.
"You'll know, you'll know tomorrow." Answered my mom.
"No, I want to know now." I commanded.
"NO," my father yelled. "You will know tomorrow, now just get to bed."
___
The Next Morning, everything was happening in a disciplined way. It was not the usual morning chaos that unfolds. It was silent, disciplined, eerie and uncomfortable.
"Hurry, we have to be there before nine." My dad says loudly.A minute later it was half past eight, I was in the car, confused. What is going on? Where are we going? Lots of questions, unanswered. I too was afraid to know the answer. I've never seen my parents like this ever. I start humming and slowly singing, "Raja Raja Chozhan naan..."
My mom give me a sudden look back at me. My dad gives a glare through the window. Not now, now is not a good time. That is what I understood from their glares. I can't sing, I can't know what's going on. This is hell.
We pull up into a red building that was possibly constructed during the British operation. I know what place this is. This is the High Court, the High court of Chennai. My head started going haywire again. Who is here? Why are we here? Can I go to jail for liking a boy? Are they going to put me in jail? My head doesn't stop.
My dad opens the door. When did we stop? "Get down Adi."
He looks into my eyes. "What you say today will be very important. What you say is going to give justice to a person." He Sighs.
"So be honest and remember, promising on the Bhagavath Gita will be like you making a promise to us. So don't show your smarts in being an atheist now." He warns seriously.
Why is he telling me this? Why does he think I'll lie in a court? What is happening? My mind still can't seem to figure out what was going on. Just the fact that I maybe giving a witness in a court. My eyes scout through the crowd around, in the court premises. My eyes seemed to have noticed a familiar face; 'Nethra.' What the hell is she doing here? I noticed that she is gloomy, she's all to herself. That is not the Nethra I know. The Nethra I know can't be a second from playfully annoying people.
I move towards her. I feel a tug in my arm. I look back. It's my dad, he's holding my arm firmly.
"Don't go..." he shakes his head. "Not now..."What do you mean not now? Why is nobody telling me anything? I wanted to cry but I shouldn't, it won't look nice.
The tiny hand on the watch pointed to ten and a man in black and white approached us."Are you Mr. and Mrs. Vupalla?" he asked politely.
"Yes." answered my father."I am Narayana Moorthy, we have talked about this yesterday on phone." The advocate points out. "Does he consent to give his testimony today?" I think my father shakes his head.
"Yes." He spoke.I lost my cool. I was way past my breaking point. "WHO AM I GOING TO GIVE A TESTIMONY FOR?" I screeched on top of my lungs.
My father glares back at me but his face becomes softer...I guess, because what followed is a soft succession of words that were the most painful, I have heard him at. "You are going to give a testimony for Nethra.
"I understood what the implication of that statement was. Something bad happened to her, and I think I have a guess what it might be. The slow realization crept up onto me. I started to have an intense panic attack again. I hugged my mother tight; my father joined the hug.
Then my mind went to him, Kaalidas. He will be heart-broken if he knows that something happened to her. I'm sorry, da. But I know you will take care of her after this. I know you will.
I was sent to a room, seemed like a waiting hall. I was told I will be called when it's time. My eyes scour the room. I saw Nethra. She was sitting like a corpse, her dad next to her. She mumbles something to her dad.
"You sure?" he asks.She ever so slightly nods.
I try to understand from the way her lip moves, "I want to know." They leave the room.
It has been an hour. A person comes and calls out my name. I, even though traumatized by what happened to my friend. I stood up with a hint of confidence, that what I do will somehow make her life better. I was being escorted to the court room.
The court was empty. My head was down, as I was contemplating what I was about to be asked. I stand where I was told to and then I tilt my head up. Rage builds up as I was about to look at the person who did this to her.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO. My face softens. My rage gets twisted. I am in shock. He would not do this, he would never. It was Kaali standing in front of me.
"Your Honor, I would like to proceed questioning Mr. Adhitya Vuppalla." Extends the Advocate.
I look at my dad, my face says I don't want to do this. My father's Face is stern. My mother too. I can't run away now. Even if I want to.
Fifteen minutes later, I was out. I still remember Kaali's face turning from relieved to one of severe pain and betrayal. I hate to know that I was the reason behind it. All I did was answer the questions honestly. Answer the twisted questions, honestly.
I wanted to shout that he would never do this. Why didn't I. He would never do this. Anyway, the lawyers will have no evidence, he'll be okay. He did not do this.
I hear the hammer slamming. I think I faintly heard something, 'GUILTY'. I rushed to the courtroom. The judge was announcing his sentence. I was the reason? Those are common things that teenagers do. How do you hold him guilty for that? I could've lied. I could've. It's my fault, It's my fault, Its all my fault. IT'S ALL MY FAULT.