I could hear his haunting, gut-wrenching screams. I want to assume that I am hearing him shriek only through the video feed. I try to dismiss the faint, shrill, screeches that reach my ear over the audio of the video feed. I could hear him, even though he was a mile away. It sent shivers down my spine. It was eerie to be in that room, everyone wanted to turn the audio off, but I assume everyone was afraid that they'd hear a much more haunting cry, coming directly from the nuclear reactor room. But a small part of me was telling me that he deserved this; he deserved this and more. Yet the wails were haunting me. There seemed to be a commotion, the medical team monitoring him were worried. Two frantically approached me.
"There are no signals from the brain, they just suddenly vanished." He was gasping for his breath at the sight. He slowly dabs his forehead and gulps a big one. He then anxiously continues, "Even during death, some brainwaves are recorded, he had none" His pupils wide form the shock of what the machine was showing him.
"The heart rate resembles that of a person in a comatose state." The other doctor in white fills in.
All the people in that room start to stare at the audio and video feed. I could feel a fickle drop of sweat trickling its way from my forehead, onto my chin. "Then how is he…?" I couldn't complete the sentence. "Is this just a reflex?" I asked them.
"A reflex like this has never been observed, and we need to study much closely to test if it a reflex or not." He couldn't stop staring at the video feed.
"Then how in hell is he still screaming for his life?" I finally blurt out the question everyone was afraid to ask.
"We don't know Kayal." Both of them answered unanimously, with a tremble in their voice. "We do not know."
I look back into the video feed, maybe I should have stopped with animals. Nobody is strong enough to witness a human undergoing this. And it was too late to stop. The black hole would have already formed in his head. Why did I listen to that computer? He has been wailing for the last ten minutes. But I can't do anything to stop it. If I do, he's good as dead.
'ONE MINUTE UNTIL THE RIP IN SPACETIME!' The voice off my assistant, heard through the speakers, offer a certain solace by temporarily muting the wails over the feed.
I…Once again stare at him, through the feed. Even though I was scared one thing still bugged me. What is going on inside that head?
My eyes, open gently. I couldn't see a damn thing, it was bright. Why is it so bright? I shut my eyes. A moment later, I feel my head falling. My torso feels like its ascending. I try to lift my head up, but I cannot. Wait, how is my torso ascending? I feel something on my back, but I can't exactly seem to describe it. It was moist, soft, too soft for being a bed. But it split up into… maybe three or four parts. Then my head was lifted by something similar. I try to open my eyes. This time I can see a little more clearly.
A woman was smiling, also crying maybe. Maybe a bit of both. She seemed to be full of joy. But why are you in my face woman? And why is your face so big? My vision seemed to be blurry, and I could only focus when she got her face very close. Even then I could only see like a person who was half blind. Then I felt a kiss on my face. Wow it felt nice, but my perspective started to change as I started to realise that the lips were huge. The kiss spanned my forehead. Then I was slowly starting to realise what might be happening. I was somehow a baby. An infant who was just born. That thought started to stress me out. What? And how was this possible? The last thing I remember was shouting my lungs out. And now I am a baby? What about all my life? All that I've struggled to build. What about…that's when it crosses my mind. The life was shit. All that I struggled to make it better, was only for a while and it got worse. Maybe this is because of the experiment. Maybe reincarnation is real. Is this what they were testing in that lab? If so, how could they even prove it was real?
My hypothetical reasoning was interrupted by a screeching cry that tore across the room. I could feel my mouth stretch and widen. It was me whose was crying. But the funny thing is I don't remember me initiating the cry. I tried to stop, I couldn't. I couldn't stop crying. Why is this happening? I try to move my hand, my legs, I couldn't. I was getting anxious, but I couldn't express it. My heart rate was normal for a crying baby. I had not a way to express my fear, anger or anything. I couldn't do anything. I can't even feel emotions of myself while I was crying.
All I could do was watch and physically feel what the baby I've been trapped in was feeling. I had no control. I was suffocating with no way to express it out. But as time went by, I got comfortable watching. There wasn't much going on. I would be in a cradle, sometimes people would come play. The baby I was trapped in would sometimes play along or decide to cry depending on their mood. But I do keep hearing two familiar voices, but I can't point where I've heard em.
I think after what felt like a week or so and I still not being able to see clearly, (what is up with my vision am I born blind? Is this how my life is going to be?) I was surrounded by a lot of people. There was a lot of commotion and suddenly it got silent. Then I started to smell the familiar scent of my mom. Or should I call her this baby's mom? I could feel her next to my ear.
"Kaalidas" That name sent shivers down my spine. Kaalidas? Why am I being named Kaalidas again? Why Kaalidas?
Even though I was internally panicking. My body was excited. He was flailing around his arms; he was smiling wide.
"Ninakku ishtamaano?" the mother's voice gets shrill.
"Ishtamaano?" my mom asked me again this time her voice shriller.
The next time she asked that question I was cradled in her arm. Her voice kept getting shriller and my smile getting wider. But I still can't figure out who she sounds like?
It's been a couple of weeks I suppose. I can feel that my vision is slowly improving. I'm noticing some features of my mom and dad. They start to get familiar, but I couldn't explain how.
One fine morning, a couple of weeks later, I wake up crying as usual. Wanting to be cradled in my mom's arms. My mom come's to pick me up and one look at her face, brought back memories. It brought back memories because she was my mom, this was my body. She was the same person who loved me for 15 years. She was also the same person who left me, left me for something I didn't do. I was angry but as usual I couldn't do anything. Even though after all these years being in her arms was feeling nice, I also did not want to her to cradle me. I did not want her to care for me.
The baby me had other ideas. He wanted to be cradled. He was reaching out with his arm. Oh, but it felt so good to be in her arms again. I'm lucky I could touch and feel what the baby felt. My anger, receding and my sadness came through, a little bit of joy too. But I was so frustrated I could not express it. It felt like I'm just watching my life once again.
A few years went by like this. I had my first day of school. I was watching how much of a drama I had put through on that day. After a point I started not caring about what this was. Reincarnation? Time Travel? A memory? I didn't matter. I enjoyed watching the child I used to be. Coz I know one day, all of this is gonna come crashing down.
With each passing year watching myself grow. I also start to come to dread of that day, the day that everything goes wrong. The day that becomes a living nightmare in my life. But this time the hurt it is going to cause me is worse. It will be worse because I know it is going to happen and I can't do anything to stop it. I can't stop this self of me from avoiding it.
Years went by and its my first day of grade eight. The day I first meet her. I could feel my heart getting butterflies on that thought (not my real heart, but my imaginary self, feeling stuff similar to that.)
I also remember this would be my first year travelling to school on the school bus. I was not psyched for it. Actually, I was bit scared. I watched and felt myself not being able to stand still. My feet were trembling because I had to go by a bus. Oh, I was a wee child.
A moment later. I was out on the road with my mom beside me, assuring me it is going to be okay. "And maybe this year you'll find new friends." She tried cheering me up.
"Let's get to getting friends. And after that I'll go to new friends, alright?" I pouted back to her.
"Hey why do you think so? You will get friends. You are amazing." She compliments.
"MOOOM! You say that because you're my mom." Oh boy, that sentence is not gonna age well, is it?
I watch myself get onto the but, with my legs still trembling. I get into bus to notice there are only a few people. One boy older than me, obviously because he had a beard. One boy maybe much younger than me. Then there was a girl silently sitting in the seat right behind the driver. A few minutes later, at the next stop, a chubby boy with spectacles chooses to grab the seat next to mine. He takes a little extra space and that kinda irritates me. But I choose to push that thought away.
"Heyo dude, I'm Kaalidas. This is my first year by the bus." Oh! You're not gonna like what he's gonna say and you're gonna shred him apart.
"Kaalidas?" He giggled "How old are you dude? Ninety?" The chubby boy enjoyed his mean snarky comment.
"My parents chose my name, not my fault. Unlike you, who chose your diet." I watched myself kill that kid. Ok you made a snarky comment and now you're feeling bad. Not your fault Kaali.
The chubby boy angrily stood up and chose another seat that was empty behind me. I know I felt bad. I know I wanted to ask sorry, but I didn't. Maybe I didn't because I thought he deserved that.
The bus was gradually getting full. Then at the last stop she got in, Nethra. She was doing a little dance as she was searching for a seat. And the only seat that was empty was the one next to me.
She came and sat down and was still moving. I stare at her and she didn't even have her earphones in. She suddenly stops and looks at me.
"Hola newbie, welcome to the bus." She smiled. "So, I'm Nethra, what are you called?"
"I'm Kaalidas, and nice to meet…" before I could finish, she giggled "Oh a vintage"
This infuriated me again, as it did always. "At least I'm no clown."
She had a cheeky grin and added "Dude, I just complimented you, and you're flirting just for that single compliment?"
"Flirting? Me? How is this flirting?" This girl was weird maybe that's why I ended up falling for her.
The weird conversation with her got getting weird until we reached school, and we left of to our respective classes. Little did I know that I'd meet my best friend here and that too because of that weird girl I end up falling to.
She waltzes into my class during break to meet a guy I barely noticed during the initial two hours of the day. After talking to him she chooses to annoy me.
"Hey Vintage, are you stalking me?" I gave her a look while she adds "If not, why are you in this class?" She adds on to the weirdness.
"Yay! I got a stalker" She squeals. "Wait right here stalker." She waltzes back to the guy and brought him to me. "This is Adhitya; Adi, meet vintage, I mean Kaalidas and Kaalidas meet Adi."
And that was how I got to meet the most important people in my life after my parents. But as I kept on watching, the fear crept into me. The fear of knowing what's gonna happen in two more years.
I was happily watching me enjoy myself with my first friends in my life and my first girlfriend. Until that one fated day where I chose to bunk off from school. To watch an animated movie that none of my two friends were interested in.
That day when I threw by bus tickets and movie tickets to not get caught at home. The day I chose not to tell it to anyone, because I didn't want my parents to somehow have a chance of knowing that bunked school. The day it happened. The day I didn't know would turn my life upside down in the upcoming two days. The day I chose to enjoy a movie by bunking school and keep it a secret.
I had no choice but to watch the two days that followed. Thankfully I couldn't feel any emotions that my other self was feeling. But its still hurt to watch and not do anything.
I felt a tug, something pulling me, not my other self, he seemed to be stable, but it seemed to be pulling me, the conscious who was watching all this. For some reason didn't want to let go of my body.
For the next three years in the juvie was the worst. I was experiencing all those years of hell yet again. During the years, the pull was strong, something was latching onto my consciousness. The tug was getting stronger with each passing year. Sometimes it feels like I was holding onto my body in which I was re-experiencing my entire life.
The experience in the alternate body was reaching to where my last memory was. I was bracing for impact. I had to re-experience the painstaking experience that kinda shot me to my alternate body. Only this I time will be shouting along with him.
And there I was screeching my lungs off for the second time.
Later I felt the pull reach its extreme, after all these years. The pull was intense, I couldn't see anything because I blacked out. I did feel my body moving back. My body felt light. The world around me still was dark. I did not feel any pain anymore. I could still hear my wails. But the wails felt like it was surrounding me, but I couldn't spot the source. This was different.
A moment later I saw two bright objects in the distance. They were getting bigger. Maybe they were getting close to me, or I was moving. The two large white spheres started to blind me. But I couldn't close my eyes this time. I couldn't do anything because there was nothing to do except focus at them.
I started moving at inhumane speeds. I could tell that even in though there was an absence of air. How was I breathing? This place is confusing me. I got closer and closer and closer to the white spheres. As I got closer, I felt like I was in front of both of them at the same time. I look to my left and the to my right, nothing, but somehow, I was falling into both at the same time. I fell through into both into a blinding bright light.
I open my eyes. The blinding light seemed to go nowhere. Then as my eyes adjusted to it, it was just a white light on the ceiling. Where am I? What place is this? Then I hear footsteps growing in volume. I was Kayal. She was looking at me with a professional smirk. "Welcome back Kaalidas. We have a lot to talk about."