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Chapter 3 - Awkward Encounters

I've been through some hardships in life, but I've never been one to be afraid. I've fought multiple guys alone, seen ghosts and spirits, and endured my sister's cooking. I can handle almost anything thrown my way, but right now, I can't muster the courage to walk into the place in front of me. It's making me nervous as hell.

Apong's place. It's not the first time I've visited him, so why am I getting so worked up? Is it because of Tsula? Because she's his neighbor and I'm scared to see her? Well, technically, I came here to see her, so there's nothing wrong with that. But what will I say if I see her? How will I greet her? What will she even say?

Not gonna lie, I feel more nervous than I did for any exam I've ever taken.

For now, I'll focus on going to Apong's house, and when I see her, I'll just make an excuse. At that moment, I'll figure out what to say. Yes, that's a good plan. Let's do it.

Although I feel bad for using Apong as an excuse, I can just let him play games on my phone to make up for it and treat him later.

I walked up the stairs to reach his place, and as soon as I turned right, I saw Tsula brushing her teeth in the small compound. She was wearing a pink t-shirt and cozy pants. She looked at me, surprised, with toothpaste foam in her mouth. "Ashan?" she mumbled.

I was caught off guard. Didn't expect to see her so soon.

"Is Apong here?" I asked nervously.

She quickly washed her mouth, trying to hide her face. "No, he just went out somewhere earlier."

"Okay," I said, and left as fast as I could.

On my way home, I kept thinking to myself, "I should have said something to her. Why did I ditch her like that? What would she even think?" Damn you, Ashan. I kept blaming myself.

I completely forgot about Apong and was on my way, regretting not making conversation with her. I texted her an apology that day for leaving without saying bye.

The next day at school, Apong apologized for not being home when I came. I just remembered I was supposed to meet him. I told him it was okay, and we decided to meet another day.

It's been a few days since my awkward encounter with Tsula at Apong's place. Today, Tsula got caught talking during our alternative English period, so our teacher punished her by making her sit at the middle row's last bench, which, conveniently enough, was directly next to me. Oh, and by the way, our class has more girls, so even the middle row consists mostly of girls. She was sitting with them, just next to me.

The catch? I had asked my friend to let me sit in the middle seat that day instead of my usual spot. So, I spent the whole period cursing myself, thinking I missed such a good chance. Just when I thought all hope was lost, I found out the teacher was making her sit in the middle row every time during her period. That made me happy, even though I felt bad for Tsula having to move every day. At least I got to sit next to her.

So, it's day three of me sitting next to her, and still, there's no talk between us. But it seems she's talking to the other guys, like the guy who sits ahead of me and others. I wonder if I really am that antisocial that it's hard for her to talk to me, or maybe she's worried that I don't want others to know that we're close. Whatever the case, I wish I could talk freely with her.

It had been days since the teacher started letting Tsula sit in the middle row, and I found myself quietly relishing her presence there. However, recently, rumors began circulating about Tsula having a crush on someone in our class. The gossip mill spun tales suggesting it could be Reze, renowned for his striking looks, or perhaps Sunit, my reliable distant cousin. As I overheard these whispers, a twinge of melancholy crept over me. I knew I wasn't as eye-catching as Reze nor as steadfast as Sunit. Did Tsula even consider me in that light? I pondered quietly to myself, wondering how I could ever measure up.

Days passed, and to my relief, the teacher continued to assign Tsula to the middle row. I silently cheered for her, glad that she seemed settled there. Meanwhile, the rumors surrounding Tsula and Reze gained momentum. Was there any truth to them? True, Tsula and Reze had been spending more time together lately, particularly noticeable as they diligently prepared for an upcoming cultural dance performance as partners. The atmosphere during their practice sessions buzzed with camaraderie and focus as the group gathered promptly during the fifth period to refine their routines.

I attempted to reassure myself that their partnership was purely for the performance, nothing more. Yet, as I observed Tsula and Reze laughing together and exchanging inside jokes, a pang of insecurity tugged at my heart. Was I too reserved? Did Tsula think I wasn't interested? These thoughts plagued me as I navigated through the day, trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy while inwardly wrestling with my thoughts.

A week had passed since their performance, and although Tsula looked stunning in her attire during the event, I couldn't shake off this mixed feelings. i found himself constantly observing Tsula talking to Reze, wondering if there was more to their interactions. Did she really like him? The uncertainty gnawed at me, making me feel uneasy.

The next day, an embarrassing incident added to my inner turmoil. Tsula was seated at her usual spot in the front row, and i was at the back. As i glanced over, i noticed Tsula waving her hand at me. Nervously, i tried to wave back, but she seemed to be gesturing something with her hands. Confused, i responded with a hesitant wave, only to realize she was actually communicating with Reze, who sat directly in front of me.

Embarrassment washed over me as i realized my mistake. I felt like shrinking into my seat, wishing I could erase the awkward moment. Trying to save face, i pretended nothing happened, but inside, i couldn't shake off the feeling of embarrassment.

We're still texting every day, but I haven't found the courage to ask Tsula about Reze and whether she likes him. One day, I saw a message in our class WhatsApp group about a game where you pick a number and it reveals what you want to say to someone. You send the key answer only after the person picks a number, and that key answer tells you what those numbers mean.

Intrigued, I decided to send it to Tsula. But in my excitement, I accidentally sent her both the message and the answer key before she even picked a number. My heart skipped a beat when I realized my mistake. Despite knowing what each number meant, she chose number 1, which meant "I love you" in the game.

Her response surprised me . I panicked and asked, "What? What?" Her reply came as a voice note saying, "I said I choose 1." Her straightforwardness caught me off guard, and I was so shocked that I blurted out, "No, no, Reze will kill me."

Confused, she asked, "What are you saying?" I quickly laughed it off and changed the topic, but inside, I was wrestling with what she meant by choosing that number. Was it a playful tease or something more serious? I couldn't stop thinking about it that night, regretting how I handled the situation.

It's been a few days since the incident with the game, and I haven't mustered the courage to bring it up with Tsula. I keep wondering about her interactions with Reze at school, which only adds to my curiosity.

Today, I decided to finally ask her in our text conversation. We exchanged a few funny messages to lighten the mood before I broached the topic.

"So, Tsula, mind if I ask you a question?" I typed nervously.

"Sure, ask me anything," came her quick reply.

"Are the rumors true that you have a crush on Reze?" I ventured.

"Of course not! Who told you that?" she responded, a hint of surprise in her message.

"Oh, sorry for asking. I heard some rumors and noticed you two talking a lot, so I just wondered," I explained.

She replied, "It's okay, but don't believe the rumors. Reze and I are just friends."

"Alright. So, do you like anyone then?" I pressed further.

"I don't," she replied simply.

"Hmm, really?" I prodded gently.

"Yes," came her firm response.

"But don't you ever want to fall in love with someone?" I asked, trying to understand.

"No, I don't want to fall in love with anyone," she replied.

I sensed something deeper in her words, and then she sent a voice note. Her voice trembled with emotion as she spoke, "I really hate love. I would never want to fall in love because it only gave me pain."

Her words struck me deeply, revealing a vulnerability I hadn't seen before. It marked the beginning of days where Tsula became more open with me, sharing her past traumas and allowing me to see a side of her I never knew.