I barely finished my exam. I have no clue what I was writing, but I still finished them. Before that, I lost my way to the exam hall and ended up quite late. Can you blame me for that? This is my first day of class, and I'm literally writing my first exam. But anyhow, it's over now, so I'm happy for now. Now I have to focus on the other subjects. Well, guess it's time for me to work hard.
Days went by, and I finished the exams and went back to my hometown as there was no information about school reopening anytime soon. As the pandemic was closing down bit by bit, it was time for the classes to fully start functioning again. It was time for me to really leave my hometown and go to Dimapur to attend my new school. My tickets were booked, and I soon began traveling to Dimapur with my cousin brother, starting a new chapter of my life.
It was my first time going out to study somewhere for a long time, and my parents were really worried about it. I get their intentions, and I too am going to miss them, but it is what it is. I have to keep going. I was a bit scared at first, but I had my cousin brother with me who went to Dimapur a year earlier for studies and helped me as a guide along with my other cousin brother, who acted as a guardian. We started living together in a rented apartment.
The apartment looked good. It had one kitchen and two bedrooms, with me and Hanks in one room and Athree in the other. We had a separate bathroom, so it was all we really needed. We did all the arrangements the next day, and it was all ready for us to live in comfortably. After that, Hanks and I went out during the evening, walked around, and had Pani Puri and other street food. As night fell, we headed home, and it was time for our first night there.
My classes start tomorrow, and it's already March. So many months have gone by because of COVID. I still have yet to check my results for the past exam, so I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. But whatever happens, I don't want to make the same mistakes as I did in high school.
I wasn't able to talk to people. I wasn't able to make many friends. I wasn't able to be close with Tsula. Now, I don't even know if we will ever see each other again. So I want to change. I want to be better. I want to improve myself so I won't have any regrets. I will try to make friends. I will try to talk with people. I will try to be close to them and not regret like I did before. And the next time I get to see Tsula, I want it to be different. I want to be fun even in real life. I want to talk freely and have happy moments, not just in texts.
As I lay in bed, determined to be a different person, a person worthy of being a friend of Tsula, memories of my high school days floated through my mind. The laughter, the missed opportunities, the fleeting moments of connection—all these thoughts swirled together, motivating me even more. I knew I had to step out of my comfort zone and make the most of this new beginning. I closed my eyes, envisioning a brighter future, and drifted off to sleep, feeling a renewed sense of purpose.
And so the morning came, and I put on my new uniform. It's very different from my high school uniform: a white shirt with a darkish necktie, black pants, and a black blazer on top. I always used to wear a sweater back in high school because I was self-conscious about being skinny, and soon it became a habit. Even though I was in Dimapur, where it's really hot almost every day of the year, I still decided to wear the blazer, thinking I would do the same here. But as I was on my way, I instantly started to regret my decision—it was so damn hot.
It took around 30 minutes to reach my school. As I entered, I noticed no one was wearing a blazer, only white shirts. Obviously, what kind of an idiot except me would wear a blazer on such a hot day? I started moving towards my class and got lost again for the second time. Thankfully, a kind teacher showed me the way. I went to my class and sat on a bench—the last bench as always. But this time, instead of trying to stay alone and keep on my mysterious aura, I tried to speak to the boys and started mingling with them.
I also met Ikito, the guy who texted me before for college information. We vibed quite well as usual. I also made friends with Deva and Hamit. It looks like this is going to be my new trio of friends for my school year, and I was so ready for it. I was talking to people, trying to interact, and making conversations—except with girls. Sheesh, I still can't talk to them. I guess I'm shy with all girls except with Tsula. Well, I think I will eventually get used to it too.
Day two of my secondary life, and I think I'm doing quite well. I can almost talk to any guy in my class and have a fun conversation, except with the girls because I never approached them. But using my knowledge of anime and games, I can talk to people who watch or play games quite well. Especially Hamit and Ikito, who do both. From their perspective, I'm like the anime guru or something. Although I don't know how, they started thinking I'm a lolicon just because I find small girls in anime adorable. But it does not make me a lolicon. Well, I started to accept it after some time as a kind of joke.
As the days went by, I found myself slipping into a comfortable rhythm. Despite the initial awkwardness and my lingering shyness, I was making genuine connections. Each interaction, each shared laugh, and each new friend was a step forward, a step away from the isolation I felt in high school.
One evening, while lying in bed, I scrolled through old messages with Tsula. A pang of longing hit me, thinking about how easy it was to talk to her. But I knew I was changing, growing, and becoming someone who could face these challenges head-on. I still had a long way to go, but every day was a step closer to the person I wanted to be.
I couldn't help but wonder what Tsula would think of this new version of me. Would she be proud? Would she tease me for my efforts? Either way, the thought of her brought a smile to my face and a sense of determination. Tomorrow was another day, another chance to improve, to connect, and to live without regrets.
It was the third period, and it was time for English. The teacher walked in and announced that we would each be doing an introduction. My heart pounded in my chest. I was a bit nervous, but I was prepared. I had decided not to do things half-heartedly and to truly become a social person. As my classmates went one by one, I rehearsed my introduction in my head.
I had imagined it perfectly: I would stride to the front of the class with confidence, strike a majestic pose, and say, "Hello everyone, my name is Ashan. It's a pleasure to meet you all. I hope we can be friends and have an enjoyable future together." Then, I would walk away gracefully, leaving a lasting impression.
But reality had other plans.
When it was my turn, I stood in the middle of the class, my mind went blank. Should I say good morning? Or was it afternoon? What was my name again? Panic started to set in. I should have practiced more! Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm myself. Finally, I blurted out, "Good morning everyone, my name is Ashan, and I'm from Kiphire. My hobbies are playing games and reading manga. I hope we all have a good year together."
I quickly went back to my seat, my face burning with embarrassment. Did I do okay? I felt like I had panicked and stumbled through it. But as I glanced around, I noticed a few people smiling and looking at me. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought.
In the days that followed, my new friends and I hung out more often. We talked about anime, games, and school. I was also making an effort to talk to others, even if it was just a simple greeting or a short conversation. Each small step was building a bit of my confidence.
One day, during a particularly hot afternoon, Ikito suggested we skip the cafeteria and go out for some street food. We wandered to a nearby vendor selling pani puri. It was a simple but fun outing, and we laughed and joked as we ate. Moments like these made me realize how much I had missed out on in high school by keeping to myself.
Every night, I would text Tsula, updating her on my progress and the new friends I was making. She always responded with encouragement and a bit of teasing, but I knew she was happy for me. Her support meant a lot, and it motivated me to keep pushing myself.
Days passed, and I found myself quite enjoying my life in this new setting, unlike in high school where boredom was a constant companion. Talking to friends became a daily joy, and our group of otakus never seemed to run out of things to discuss. We vibed over anime, manga, and games, making each day more fun than the last. The notes were confusing, but I managed to keep up, and my efforts to be more social were paying off.
After a particularly engaging day at school, I went home, but the relentless heat of Dimapur made me rethink my decision to wear a blazer. It was just too hot. After a quick meal, I settled down to play some games when I received a random text from an unknown number: "Hey."
Confused, as I rarely received texts, I replied, "Heya."
The response came quickly: "I'm Ezung, your classmate, and I got this number from Deva."
"Oh, alright. Although, may I ask why?" I texted back, curious.
"I saw your introduction at school last time, and the way you said it looked so honest and cool, so I wanted to text you."
"That's nice of you," I replied, feeling a blush creep up my cheeks. It was surprising, but in a good way.
We texted for a while, talking about various things. Ezung was friendly, and our conversation flowed easily. It was refreshing to have made a female friend so soon, something that hadn't happened in high school.
As the night came to an end, I felt a sense of accomplishment. It was just day three, but I had already done a lot. Along with my close guy friends, I now had a female friend, and that made me quite happy. I hoped I'd get to talk to her at school too.
Do you guys think I've forgotten about Tsula? Of course not. She's always on my mind, and we still text often. But with classes about to start, I wonder if we'll keep this same bond. Will we still be in touch for long? I wonder.
Before any of that, I just want to make sure that I can make Tsula believe in love again. I really think love isn't a bad thing if you have the right person. I want her to be happy; I want her to have someone she can count on every time. What about me, you ask? Well, I'm really good friends with her, and I'm willing to help her if any trouble comes, but for how long can I keep doing that?
Just being friends isn't enough for us to stay together forever. I can help her now, but once she finds a boyfriend, or when she gets married in the future, I'm sure I'll be a nuisance in that relationship, which I don't want. I've also noticed that Tsula is starting to rely on me more and more as she opens up to me. I'm afraid she'll become too dependent on me and won't be able to let go when the time comes. Even if I don't want to ever let go, even if I want her to keep depending on me, even if I'm so happy that she's there, the future terrifies me.
What will she do if the time comes when we have to let go of each other? What will she think and feel? Those thoughts terrify me, so I keep telling her from time to time that I'll leave her someday. Even if I don't want to, even if I don't think there will be a time when I can truly leave her, I keep telling her this so she can be ready, so she can accept things and be strong even after I'm gone.
Even if it makes me look bad, I really don't want her to be deeply affected if there comes a time when we're separated someday. So, until that time comes, I'll keep being with her, hearing her out, and helping her whenever she needs it—not because it's my responsibility, but because I truly enjoy doing it. Because I love her smile, and I want to keep that forever.
As I lie in bed, these thoughts swirling in my mind, I realize how much I've grown to care for her. How intertwined our lives have become. The future is uncertain, but for now, I cherish every moment with her, every laugh, every conversation. I want to be her rock, her confidant, her friend, even if the thought of losing her someday is unbearable.
The night deepens, and as I drift off to sleep, I hold on to the hope that no matter what happens, we'll find a way to stay connected. That our bond, no matter how it evolves, will remain strong and unbreakable. Because in the end, what we have is special, and I'll do everything in my power to preserve it.