It's been a few months since our classes started, and things are going pretty well. I don't have a lot of friends, but I have a few who are close to me. I also made a new female friend, Ezung, whom I keep texting often these days. Although there's no news of our computer classes starting, everything else has been going smoothly, including my studies. Luckily, the previous exam results were great, so I'm feeling confident.
What about Tsula, you ask? I'm afraid we don't text as often now, but when we do, we make sure to make it count. We talk a lot and catch up on everything. When she's not available, I usually play games with my friends. Ezung is very kind to me, and I enjoy her company. She uses some quirky catchphrases and bird head emojis in her texts, which I found odd at first but now find amusing.
Recently, I had to go for an eye check-up since I needed a pair of glasses. I guess all those years of gaming on full brightness are catching up to me. Now, without glasses, everyone looks like they have an inbuilt beauty filter. Wearing glasses brings everything back to normal, though I dislike wearing them while gaming because it makes my head spin.
One day, I walked into class and discovered that our computer classes had finally started. We had to go to the computer room to attend the class. There, I met a new friend, Sana. She was clueless about where to go, so I showed her the way and shared my textbook with her since hers hadn't arrived yet. Sana is small and has a very soft voice, which makes her company quite enjoyable.
I guess this just shows how much I've changed, considering I can have normal connections now. The things they teach in our computer classes seem basic to me since I've known them since middle school. But my classmates find them difficult, probably because they don't know the basics. I try to help them understand, but I don't think I explain things well. What seems common to me is confusing to them, so I end up confusing them more. I guess I should also try learning how to think from other people's perspectives better too.
Today, after lunch, Hanks and I were lounging on our beds, engrossed in our games. However, the mosquitoes in Dimapur are relentless, and we were constantly swatting them away. It seemed like no matter how many we killed, more would show up. We tried covering ourselves, but the heat was unbearable, and we were sweating profusely. Frustrated, we decided to burn an egg shell box, hoping the smoke would keep the mosquitoes at bay.
We closed the door and turned off the lights to keep the room dark. For a while, we were so absorbed in our game that we didn't notice the growing haze. About 30 minutes later, I started having trouble breathing and turned to Hanks. "Hanks, do you feel anything?"
"What do you mean, Ashan?" he replied.
"I don't know, but I'm finding it hard to breathe."
"Yeah, me too. It's a bit difficult."
"Something's not right," I said, starting to worry.
"Wait, let me go to the washroom first," Hanks said, heading for the switch to turn on the light.
As soon as the lights flickered on, we were greeted with a room full of thick smoke. We could barely see each other's faces. It hit us then—we had forgotten to open the windows to let the smoke escape. The room was suffocating, and the darkness had hidden the issue from us.
Panic set in as we rushed to open the windows and doors, desperately trying to clear the smoke. Once the room was finally breathable again, we looked at each other and burst into laughter. It was such a silly mistake, and we were relieved that nothing worse happened.
Hanks and I continued to laugh, both of us thinking how close we came to a real disaster. We joked about our blunder and were just grateful we caught it in time.
My classes have been going smoothly, and thankfully, the syllabus hasn't been too overwhelming. I'm starting to feel more at ease, and the friendships I've formed are growing stronger. Though I haven't managed to connect with everyone, I've built solid relationships with a few close friends. Sana, my computer buddy, and Ezung, who's been a great help with my studies, are both introverted like me, so conversations with them can be a bit tricky. Despite my attempts, I haven't been able to strike up much conversation with Ezung outside of our academic interactions. Maybe Tsula felt something similar when we struggled to communicate.
I've also made a new friend named Bishal. He's passionate about playing the bass and is very religious. His company is refreshing, and I appreciate the new perspective he brings into my life. However, no matter how many new friends I make, Tsula will always have a special place in my heart. I am determined to be there for her whenever she needs me. Her smile continues to be a source of joy, and I want to keep seeing it for as long as possible.
Final exams are looming on the horizon, and I've realized just how quickly time has flown by. It's time for me to focus on my studies, and I'm grateful for the support I've received from friends who've shared their notes and helped me understand difficult concepts in accountancy. Ezung, despite her constant anxiety about her performance, has been an invaluable resource. Her worry about failing seems excessive given how capable she is, and I can't help but tease her about it. I find that annoying her is my way of showing appreciation for all she does.
Speaking of friends, the exam period also highlighted how different my interactions are with various people. Take Ikito, for example. Our conversations are always a source of amusement. We've developed a quirky game where we try to guess each other's names(Death Note), referring to each other as "Yagami"(Imagay)and "L(Lolicon)." We use creative tactics to hide our names from each other and sees who guesses our real name first, and the game has become a hilarious competition. Our chats often delve into playful and irreverent territory, discussing everything from our so-called "gayness" to random, offbeat topics. It's a unique way of bonding that I find both entertaining and engaging.
On the other hand, when it comes to conversations with girls, I tend to focus on lighthearted and somewhat self-deprecating topics, often joking about being single and lonely. These chats may not have the same depth as those with my male friends, but they are still enjoyable and provide a different kind of connection.
No matter the nature of the conversation, I find every interaction valuable. Each friend brings something different to the table, and I'm grateful for the variety of experiences they provide. The confidence and ability to connect with people that I've developed are largely thanks to Tsula. Her influence has been instrumental in helping me grow, and I remain committed to being there for her. Even though I now have a broader social circle, the thought of leaving her in any kind of pain is unbearable. I cherish the moments we share and strive to keep supporting her, just as she has supported me.
The exams have ended, and with results in hand, I took a trip back to my hometown. It felt wonderful to reconnect with my family after such a long time. I realized just how much I had missed them. There's something different about being home—being away made me recognize their value and the depth of their care. I feel like I've matured a bit, understanding the sacrifices they made for me and appreciating their efforts more.
However, there's a cloud hanging over this return. My mom hasn't been well lately, and it's concerning. Each night after dinner, while my dad retreats to his room to watch the news and my sister Lika helps with the kitchen cleanup, my mom lingers in the kitchen, expressing vague worries that seem to linger without any clear cause. She often says she's anxious but can't pinpoint why.
I spoke with my sister and dad about it. They confirmed that her anxiety has been persistent for some time, despite their best efforts to comfort her. During my visit, I made it a point to talk to her every night, offering reassurance and trying to comfort her. Even though her concerns seemed unfounded and repetitive, I wanted to be there for her, reassuring her that everything would be okay.
As the New Year approached, it was time for me to return to Dimapur for my studies. Leaving home again was hard, especially with my worries about my mother's well-being. I tried to stay positive and comforting, offering one last bit of reassurance before I left. My family accompanied me to the bus station, checking to make sure I had everything and asking if I was okay. I gave them a gentle smile, reassuring them that everything was fine as we said our goodbyes.
Watching them until the bus disappeared from view, I felt a pang of sadness. The separation from my family, especially with my mom's current state, was tough. As the bus journeyed away from home, I hoped everything would turn out alright. I carried their love and concern with me, determined to focus on my studies while keeping them in my thoughts.
Reflecting on how I once disliked my parents and felt that they didn't give me enough, I can't help but feel a deep sense of regret for my past ignorance. It's astonishing to think that Tsula played a crucial role in changing my perspective. Her sharing her own struggles and helping me recognize the warmth of my family made me realize just how fortunate I am. She encouraged me to open up and connect more deeply with my loved ones, allowing me to understand and appreciate them in ways I never had before.
Tsula, along with my friends, helped me learn to view life through others' perspectives. I now relate better to people's hardships and strive to be more empathetic and supportive. My journey of self-discovery and growth has been largely influenced by her presence. Before meeting her, I was aimlessly drifting through life, devoid of aspirations or appreciation for its blessings. I had no dreams for the future and failed to see the value in simply being alive.
Who knows where I might have ended up if Tsula hadn't been there for me? She helped me see the beauty in the small things, to recognize the goodness in others, and to understand the value of human connections. She taught me to find meaning even in suffering. Her presence has been a guiding light, and despite her insistence that she owes me for my support, I feel the opposite is true. She has given me more than I could ever repay just by being herself, and I am endlessly grateful for her influence on my life.
Though I'm still unsure if what I feel is love, what I do know is that I want to protect her and be by her side for as long as I can. Her happiness means everything to me, and the thought of spending my life with her brings a sense of fulfillment I never knew I needed. The realization that being with her could be even more rewarding than being alone has given me hope and purpose.
As my second year of secondary school begins, I am filled with anticipation for the new connections and experiences that await. With Tsula's impact on my life, I'm ready to face the future, knowing that every moment is a chance to grow and cherish the people around me. I look forward to what lies ahead, embracing the journey with a renewed sense of hope and gratitude.