"Don't worry about it, I would never fall in love with you, so there is no need to fear losing me," I muttered to myself. "Oh, what the heck, that was so cringe. Why the hell did I even say that? Oh, shit, I really want to kill myself... ahhhh."
As I cringed over what I said yesterday, I went to brush my teeth. But wait, will I even be able to keep that promise? Hmm, but again, there is no definite proof that I'm even in love with her. I really just like her company, and all I really want to do is protect her and see her smile. Well, whatever the feeling is, I don't think it's love—or maybe it is. But never mind, I promised her I wouldn't be like the rest, so I'm going to stick to that promise. I made up my mind to do so.
I went to class that day and had the assembly, but I had to stand in the first row because I was the captain. Ahh, it's kind of embarrassing, but it isn't a bad feeling. Where's Tsula? Well, I think she's around the middle because I always see her even when I was standing at the back.
I kind of wish Tsula was the vice-captain... Not that the current one is bad. The current one is quite good, too, and to be honest, she's practically carrying the class alone. It makes it much easier for me to take it easy, so I'm glad she's a hard worker. But I feel sad for being such a useless captain. The only thing I do is stand at the front and check for people who don't sweep the class after school.
It's been a few days since I said that, and I really want to keep my word. Besides, I already asked her before to save my contact as "Big Bro," which is very convenient. Why did I ask her to do it? Well, because getting called "big bro," specifically in Japanese, is so damn cool. Of course, I try to act the part too, and yes, considering how I am treating her, I'm already more of a big brother—like how I help her, tease her, and make fun of her. But honestly, I really just want her to be happy. But for the first step, I have to make her believe in love, because even I, as an introvert with no experience whatsoever, still think being in love can change a person in a good way. Plus, if she can have someone she can count on, then it's a good thing for her. I'm just her friend, so I feel like someday we won't be friends anymore. And even if I don't want that, I have to face reality. The day she gets a lover or gets married, I would no longer be able to be with her. So for her, I really hope she starts believing in love.
Well, it's been a week since then, and she still keeps telling me about her past from time to time. I listen and comfort her, always giving her my honest opinions. There's no way I'd lie to her just to comfort her; I'm only sharing what I genuinely think is right. Of course, just because I promised not to fall in love with her doesn't mean I don't want to talk to her in class. I still try to engage with her.
Today, I got my chance. The cleaning duty for the day was assigned to roll numbers 26, 27, and 28. Since her roll number is 27, she was responsible for cleaning today. The catch was that roll number 28 was absent. She had already mentioned this to me during recess and asked me to write the next roll number's name so another person could take over the task. But my big brain had a different plan. I purposely left it so that there would only be two people cleaning, making it look like there was a need for help. My idea was to step in and assist her, hoping to go home together.
As the class ended and everyone began leaving, I was excited about my plan. However, Tsula's intense stare made me nervous. She was glaring at me for not doing what she asked. I quietly picked up the broom and started cleaning the first row. Suddenly, she insisted, "No, no, you don't need to do that." I wanted to say something cool, but my voice froze. I kept insisting, "It's alright, I always do this when others are missing." But she kept insisting it was fine, blocking my path. I only managed to clean half of it before she kicked me out of the class, thanking me for my help.
My plan had failed. I decided to pretend that I was still working and wait for her to finish so I could join her on the way to class. I waited downstairs for a while, but she never showed up. Worried, I went to check, only to find that they had already finished and left via another route. Feeling foolish, I ran home by myself.
I hadn't given up yet. I planned to visit Apong and hoped to have a real interaction with Tsula. A few days later, after school, I went to Apong's place, prepared for any scenario. When I arrived, I didn't see Tsula, so I headed to Apong's room and started chatting with him. I handed him my phone so he could play Mobile Legends while I figured out my next move.
I thought of a plan and asked Apong, "Hey, Apong, do you have the science notes?"
He replied, "No, I don't," which wasn't surprising since we both slacked off during that period.
"What should I do then? Do you think your neighbor might have them?"
"Try asking her," he suggested.
"Where is she?" I asked.
"Try the kitchen," he replied.
I dashed toward the kitchen, eager to find Tsula. Peeking inside, I saw her sitting and doing something. When I called out to her, she turned around, her mouth full of rice. She looked surprised and mumbled, "Ashan," as she tried to hide her face and wash her hands.
I couldn't help but think she looked adorable. She approached the door and asked, "What's up?"
I asked, "Do you have the science notes? I really need them."
"I'll return them to you by tomorrow,"
"Wait a minute," she said, then ran off to get the notes. She returned shortly with them. "Here they are."
"Thanks a lot," I said. "I'll see you later then. Enjoy your meal."
She looked a bit embarrassed and replied, "Okay, you too. See ya."
I went back to Apong's room and told him I got the notes. We spent some time together before I headed home. Though I didn't have a long conversation with Tsula, I was pleased with the brief interaction.
That night, I stared at the notes, admiring her pretty handwriting. The next day, I asked my dad for a ride to her place to return the notes. Luckily, he agreed. He dropped me off on the road, and I went to her house. When she answered, I gave her the book back. Before I left, I playfully tapped her hand and ran away. She smiled and chased me a bit. I wasn't sure why I did it, but it was fun. I hopped into my dad's car and headed home, feeling content with the day's events.
It's been a while since then, and I've noticed that Tsula has been even sweeter than before. She waits for me to finish whatever I'm doing so we can text each other, and we end up texting almost all day, every morning and night.
One evening, while I was deeply engrossed in my game, Tsula sent a simple "Hey." I replied, "Please wait a bit; I'm playing a game." Her response was "Oh, it's alright. You can take your time. All the best for your game, and come back when you're free."
Her words gave me butterflies. I was so distracted by her message that I couldn't even focus on the game—I didn't win, but I felt like I'd won a much bigger battle.
Once I finished, I texted her back. Our conversation eventually shifted to more personal topics, and we began discussing each other. I was hesitant, admitting that I don't think I'm particularly good at anything besides games, and that I'm lazy and dislike communicating with people. As I put myself down, she told me not to talk about myself like that. We were sending voice notes, so I could hear the concern in her tone.
Despite my protests that it was true, she insisted it wasn't. Then I asked, "What do you think about me?" She replied, "For me? I think you're the imperfectly perfect person for me."
I was a bit confused. "Imperfectly perfect person?" I asked. "What does that mean?"
She responded simply, "It's just as I said. Imperfectly perfect person."
There was no further explanation, and though I didn't fully understand, I didn't dwell on it. We continued talking about other things, shared a few laughs, and ended the conversation with a cheerful "Good night!"
As I lay down to sleep that night, I reflected on how lucky I was to have her in my life. I felt a warm sense of happiness and drifted off with a smile.
Little did I know that this would be the last text I'd receive from her for almost a year.