I had a best friend at that time and we were attached to the hip. We would do all sorts of things together. She was the first person who saw me smoke and drink. It was thrilling with her and I was so comfortable. But something happened, I don't know what, but we grew apart and even had a big fight. I did find a new friend but she was hated by everyone. Let's just call the girl J. J was what we now call a pick me. She would go to any extreme to gain attention of a boy. One time I was carrying a box filled with books and asked her to help me but she refused. I didn't mind it but after sometime when she noticed her crush coming in our direction she took the box away from me under the pretext of helping me. I was really grateful but when her crush left she threw the box away and all of my books ended up spilling on the ground. I got angry and called her out for it and she got embarrassed.
Soon J and I were joined by T and S. The four of us got really close. But that didn't last long too since J and T decided to believe S's lies and stopped talking with me plus they made friends with a popular girl so I was, as expected, out of the scene. Hurt like hell but couldn't do anything about it either. The part which hurt the most was that they decided to abandon me knowing that I was an introvert and had a really really hard time to make new friends. I was dating S's ex who was my crush way before she decided that she wanted him. She dated him for a while and then cheated on the guy. T fixed me up with him. At first he seemed so innocent and shy but I got to know about him only after a while. He had severe anger issues and would throw stuffs on the wall whenever he got mad at me. Wouldn't talk to me unless I talked to him first, sometimes he even refused to talk to me even if I started the conversation.
I remember a guy I dated when I first joined my middle school. He asked me to go out and my friends accepted him on my behalf even though I was not really interested in him. The guy cheated on me with the popular girl just on the third day of us dating. I was so relieved and broke up with him. The popular girl afraid that her reputation would be tarnished started explaining things to me and I didn't blame her at all. Actually I was relieved that she took my burden away. The two of them were dating for a while when suddenly they broke up. The popular girl somehow manipulated me into thinking that I still loved him and wanted him back. My dumbass got easily influenced and did what she wanted to. Got rejected and was thoroughly embarrassed about it. Now that I think about it, she was trying to confirm whether he still liked her or not. Surprise bitch! He does.
Anyways after a while of being mad at my friends I got back with them again. They had become really close with the popular girl by that time. I would always feel left out but I didn't voice out my emotions and kept on bearing the disrespect they threw at me. One time all of these girls or my so called friends were fighting with girls from another section. It was more of bullying because there was 4 of them and only 2 girls on the other side. I went to witness it. One of the girls from the other side put T in a lock and beat her up, so under the pretext of separating them I saved her ass. And instead of a thank you I got yelled at saying that she was beating the other girl so why did I stop her. Like girl, why the fuck you lying? Everyone saw your ass getting beaten up.
I apologized for that and ended up walking away from those girls after that. After some few painful months I found new friends. They were simple girls who were very sweet. We were together till our 10th grade. I lasted with my then boyfriend for a year, yes my dumbass loved a stoic boy. Literally a stone. I broke up with him over text in the 9th standard because I couldn't take it anymore. He said few harsh words and that was it. I dated a new guy I had found minutes after we broke up. I dated that boy for a week and broke up with him too. By that time pandemic had struck the world and we were under lockdown. I was always the lean girl with a big appetite and everyone would be envious of how I never gained weight even though I ate a ton load of shit. But that lockdown time changed everything. I gained a lot of weight. I didn't realize it until my sisters pointed it out. Maybe it was because I hit my puberty. I was finally living with my mom at that time. My elder sister left the football team and lived with us too. My mom had a new husband which didn't really surprise me and I didn't really have any problem with him since he was a really friendly guy.
Anyways back to my weight gaining story. I gained a ton load of shit. I didn't want to stop eating so I asked my sister for some advice and she told me that I should just exercise. She was my mentor and I exercised like crazy but my weight was still the same. I was utterly disappointed in myself but I still couldn't stop eating. After a while I started eating at the slightest things. I was angry? I ate. Hungry? I ate. Sad? I ate my feelings away. Lonely? Ate that shit away too. But one day something happened that made me do something really drastic.