Twenty minutes passed, and I still lay here, no sleep whatsoever. I had been to work all night, but now I just can't sleep, and I have another shift at night today... damn. I was never the type of man who had cozy sleeps when a person is angry at me. Aaliyah was Elvis' sister, the main reason why I kept pushing this away and the main reason why I kept bringing her back after feeling remorseful. She reminded me of my sister; they were age mates for sure.
"Aaliyah..." I knocked on the guest room door where Aaliyah slept, right after leaving my room. There was no answer, so I just entered the kitchen and started preparing breakfast, some eggs and the tea and everything. She still did not wake up nor open her door to confirm what I was doing. I wore shorts only; I still had not worn my shirt to cover my bare upper body. I don't know what women would describe my physique as, but it's been a while since I visited the gym. I have not been taking care of my health nowadays, but women still love my body; the packs are still there... indeed, where would I get time to eat much and get big stomachs and body fats when I am always wasted and alone and just feeling all remorse for myself?
So, after placing all the breakfast perfectly on the table, I decided to just enter the guest room. I slightly turned the knob, and thank God it was open. I entered, only to see Aaliyah lying there holding one of my T-shirts that were apparently left in this room. She had on my grey sweats, which actually looked good on her, and she seemed peaceful. She was listening to some song, I guess. If she were crying, I don't know, but I just don't think bringing up what happened would really be a good idea. So, I slowly went back, closed the door steadily, and just went to the dining table and served myself tea. I poured another cup for her, not sure why I did that but I just... I just poured it and sat opposite the chair where I placed the cup intended for her.
"What happened to you, Hayzen?" Words started flocking in my brain as the thoughts of Aaliyah became too much in my mind. "What happened, man? It has been almost six years, you still... no, you can't... she moved on... 'protection.'" I mimicked the word I used, "protection... for goodness' sake, Hayzen, when did you ever care about protection? She is Aaliyah, man, she is Elvis' sister. She's at school; we can't... we can't fuck her up... she's mad... she's hella mad. You should talk things out... how do I even start? You can take her tea and tell her it's breakfast in bed... what if she throws it away like in the movies? What if she says she ain't hungry... God, Hayzen, you are acting like a goddamn kid. She is not like that... she would ne..."
"It's cold already."
The words startled me from wherever I was, and I looked up to find Aaliyah looking at me.
"Your tea, you are stirring it too much," she added, and I just nodded. 'Damn it, she saw me zoned out.' I hated when someone caught me zoned out, in my stress or just not in this world. For sure, ever since my twenty-first birthday, I learned nothing but what it means to zone out. I always did zone out. I would be talking with my friends and randomly just become so alone and so effortlessly cold, and all the thoughts of my shackled life would chime in, but I hid it better then. I would laugh when they would ask my opinion, or just chuckle nervously. Only Luke knew my problem, and the queen bee... she just gave a shoulder for some weeks, and then just stopped talking to me. She fell in love with an English man from Birmingham, and that became everything that I listened to ever since, everything the guy bought her, and after, we just never spoke again. I only know she interned in a healthcare facility in New York, not sure which. We never spoke, but it was my fault. I barely reached out anyway. I wanted to be so alone, so alone that I just let every person, every fire that burned, everything, I just let it slide and put everything off, except Luke who just stuck along. Despite how many cities I changed and how many numbers I changed, he played a big role in my life, one for which I owe him to this day.
"Aren't you gonna drink?" Aaliyah asked all of a sudden, sounding like a little girl blurting to her age mate.
"Mmmh," was what I maybe felt I heard myself state, but I was sure it did not come out because she was still eyeing me. I drank the tea. Damn, it was already a little cold. I was nervous suddenly, around her. I was suddenly nervous. It had been long since I found myself in a situation where I knew I needed to speak up about my mistake and apologize, but I felt this was really not the place.
"Do you have work today?" she asked all of a sudden. I wondered if she was mad at me. I was trying so hard to avoid her piercing beautiful eyes, those eyes that I would drain into. My feelings were still high up in the air, so I just focused on the tea, which I realized I finished after two gulps when she asked me both questions. I was really embarrassing myself. I still did not have a T-shirt, so I just looked at my bare hairless brown chest. If it were something like Michael Jordan, I would expose it.
"Fast drinker," she added. Was she up for a conversation? I found myself asking. I was already nervously shaking my legs and rubbing one of my thighs with my right hand. I was really nervous. Someone would say I have never been this nervous. Even during my internship when I needed to perform a surgery, I was nervous, but I was pretty much focused on doing the job that I forgot if I was ever nervous. And here I was, in front of Aaliyah. She was intimidating. I wonder if someone had ever told her. She was like five or something years younger than me, but I felt like a child right now. She was a student, and I was working. I should be bold, but I was not. God, why was I nervous? How should I start this? Should I ask her how the breakfast is? And after all this, I just scratched my right eye slightly, scratched my hair.
"You need a haircut," she added, and I just slightly felt like smiling.
"Have you ever heard of the song 'Perfect'?" I asked her after I realized she was actually trying to engage in conversation.
"'Perfect' by who?"
"Ed Sheeran... the one that goes, 'Baby, I...'" I stated, not trying to sing too much. I needed her not to tell me that my voice has grown sour. Of course, it cannot compare to the little boy in high school who sang in the school choir.
"Yeah, I do," she stated.
"You are perfect that way," I stated, as I felt tears starting to form in my eyes. Suddenly, I left the dining room and headed to the balcony. I wasn't sure why I had tears in my eyes, but, God, I felt as if I were on the edge of something unknown. It felt like an emotional release of something I wasn't sure I was holding back. She came and just slightly gave me a hug from behind. I turned as I let my arms rest on the rails, not wanting to lean on them—never trust engineers.
"You make me nervous," I added out of the blue. "God, I was almost dying there. I just... I didn't know. It's just... I..." I didn't know what I was rambling about. A normal person would just hug me, but she observed me as I rambled, letting me say everything, though I couldn't form the words. She still waited.
"I... Aaliyah... I... am sorry... I... Fuck..." Another ramble, and she still waited. I looked down at my feet and then hers. Beautiful, I thought to myself. She held my hand now and connected me with her, pulling me in for a hug. I gave in and rested my head on her shoulder, letting all the weight of it fall. It had been a while since I did something like this, since I became this vulnerable. I mean, it had been a really long time. And then, I didn't know it was actually being vulnerable. I guess this was my first consensual vulnerability. At that moment, I wished she would never leave. I wished she would just stay and put up with me, put up with me being all weird and silly. I really wished that at that moment.
"Some Kate wanted five hundred dollars to cover hospital bills. She said Luke was not picking her calls… I picked up the phone while you..." She murmured, but that made me rise suddenly.
"Kate?" I asked, raising one of my eyebrows.
"Yes," she stated and added, "Is she your sister?"
"Mmmhh..." was all I could manage. "Let me call Luke."
"She has a nice voice," she added as I entered my room. 'God,' my head added.