"Hayzen, you left me alone," Aaliyah stated, in more of a crying tone.
"I'm sorry, something really came up. You can buy yourself something to eat as I wait for everything to be in order," I stated, and I felt her hang up.
Aaliyah hated driveway food; she preferred cooked food, but I believed she would buy some snacks and just chill waiting for me, although I was not sure at what time I would be leaving this place. But I knew I needed sleep so badly, or else I would have to sleep at work, something I hated doing when on duty. The hospital was busy 24/7; any patient would need help at night. Even though it is not from the cardiac side, I would be called to aid with an accident incident or something else, so a doctor needed to be knowledgeable about all sides of treatment in the human body.
I thought this as I entered and helped myself sit in the area I sat before, placing my phone in silent mode.
I wanted to speak to Kate, at least alone. It had been years since I saw her—years, God knows. I did not know how I would act when I saw her, but here I am, quiet and just observing the two. Of all people, it had to be Funky? My mind questioned a thousand times, but all this, I was still processing. All I wanted to know was when the little boy started complications, so I just stood wherever I was, and sat right next to Kate. I think she startled a little bit having me there, which also made me more nervous and question my decision, but talking from the opposite side was worse since the lawn had echoes. Everyone would hear. I don't understand why it echoed; maybe if I was more educated in engineering or building and construction, I would know.
"Kate," I stated softly, as my heart melted once she looked at me. Her eyes seemed tired, I believe because of lack of sleep—evident from the bags under her eyes—but she was still beautiful. Realizing that her focus was already on me and I had not spoken, I started formulating words to say to her. "When did this start?" was the first statement that came into my mind, but she shrugged and looked away, and I knew that meant she was not ready to tell me. So I sat upright in the chair, then just thought of entering the room to ask Doctor Heung himself, but that was not a good idea. I was not sure why they were taking a long time inside; it seemed they ran a lot of samples for the boy.
"The payment... is it covered? Insurance," I added in between her looking away, and I just sat there, so she diverted her eyes to me but did not say anything. I saw Funky stand wherever he was and come next to me at the edge of the chairs.
"Dude, can we speak outside?" he stated, and I nodded.
Before I left, I carefully but steadily placed my hand on Kate's upper back. Maybe I thought it was something of a comfort, but I just did it, as I let Funky use the official area of heading outside, and we headed to the chairs that were outside the building.
"Funky..." was all I started with.
"Dude, can you leave?" he stated, and I felt a little bruised with that. The boy was my child, he was my blood. I would not— I may have abandoned him physically but I cannot abandon him here and now. But I just did not have the guts to fight with Funky. I was, of course, super tired—no sleep at night—and I was here.
"When did it happen? Just tell me that and I will leave," I stated.
"He was born with the condition," Funky stated, and I was surprised. For the moment, time seemed to stand still.
"With the condition?"
"Yes," Funky replied.
I always sent health money, but I never really got to ask her if the child was okay, or if he ended up feeling better. I just sent the money as I waited for the next time she asked me for some. That is when I realized how selfish I was. I felt bad, really bad, and I placed my two hands on my head, letting my head rest on the palms. After two seconds, I removed them.
"Funky, I did not know, I was in the dark."
"She chose not to tell you," he stated.
"But why?"
"She was not ready to see you, at least until she needed you to aid with the condition," he stated, and I felt my breathing quicken as Kate came outside and started heading towards us. I wondered who she was coming for, but this time I looked at her, not as a man speculating on her beauty, but as a man who had just realized the mistake he made, the warrior of a woman she is, and a man who had just realized if deserving not was a person, then he sure would not run away from being the person.
"The doctor was looking for you," Kate stated, looking at me. She did not call me by my name, nor be official to me, just a blunt statement. I stood and headed inside, as I felt them follow me steadily.
After reaching Doctor Heung's office door, I slightly knocked, and one of the nurses opened, letting me inside. The boy was sleeping on one of the beds, and Doctor Heung was alone with the nurse. He was seated at his desk, and I just sat on one of the chairs facing him. He was reading a file as if writing something, already wearing his glasses, which were barely standing on the tip of his small nose.
"Franklin," he stated without looking up, but once he looked up, he made a little chuckle, "Doctor Levin, I wanted to see the father."
"I am the father," I stated, even I feeling the weight of the statement.
"I never knew you had a child," he stated, but I think he realized I was really not ready for a pep talk, so he just cleared his throat and stated, "His heartbeat is steady, but to be honest with you doctor, why didn't you bring the situation earlier?" He asked, making his voice quite low.
"Apologies, I thought it was a manageable situation."
"You are a cardiologist. You know much more about ventricular septal defect (VSD) and its damages if not treated earlier. I know he is your son, but I think I will have to tell you this: You might lose the boy if surgery is not done ASAP."
"I thought it was not a big opening. It is normal for kids with the defect to have it close when older."
"I understand you, Doctor, and do not counter your judgment. The reports state he was to undergo surgery in Texas, but I think something happened in between. Again, the boy being transported for these long hours might have caused fatigue, hence the straining and fainting," he stated, and I questioned myself, 'Did he faint?'
"When can he be discharged?"
"We will have him here, checking his temperatures, regulating his heartbeat until you all decide if it is okay to conduct the surgery."
"Doc, surgery will be fine," I stated, but he seemed in thought and stated, "I think the mother is responsible for signing the papers in case of anything, as you do not appear in the child's name," he stated.
"What's the name?" I asked, my heart becoming overwhelmed and a little numb.
"Shane Austin Lamar," he stated, and I placed my hand on the table. Shane. Then I remembered the little boy from the orphanage I visited the previous day. But I did not say anything; I was really masking my emotions at the moment, despite the various news I was receiving.
"Thanks, Doctor," I stated, as Doctor Heung added that I should rest for the rest of the day. I headed outside and closed the door, as both Franklin (Funky) and Kate looked at me. I knew my eyes would betray me. I did not even know who to give my frustration to, other than to just point a finger to the air and say I deserved this. So I just sat on one of the lawn chairs and placed my palms on my forehead, trying hardest not to shed a tear. All the money I sent, everything I had worked for, I would not even appear as a counterpart of the little one. I had not even taken my time to observe him. Maybe today I will, today night. I felt someone come near me and touch one of my hands, and on looking it was Kate. She just wanted me to speak, to say something. I cannot confront her for not adding my name on the boy. I can't; I will sometime, but not here.
"He will need surgery," was the only thing I stated, as Funky came and hugged his woman, and I felt not needed at all. So I just rose and headed outside, and as I reached outside, I did not realize Kate was following me until she called me out and we went to the same place Funky and I had sat.
"Thank you for being here," she stated, and I just nodded. It was taking me forever to ask her why she did not add my name on the child's birth certificate. Why Funky? What did he ever do? But she was the one who taught me how to not react at the moment and wait until the storm is over. I was just staring at her, fighting the tears in my eyes. This was painful for me, so painful I did not know what to do. My mum used to talk with Kate and ask her how she was doing, that I knew. I made sure she never lacked, even if it meant using Luke as an intermediary to send her money. I would go to the extent of going bankrupt just to make sure her text asking for money was not left on read. Or maybe, I also don't have a father's name; my mother never gave me that.
"It's okay," I stated after a long pause. I was just looking at my palms, contemplating everything that happened. "He said that your signature is what is needed for the surgery," I added, trying so hard not to talk about the 'why not me' and everything. "He is asleep, steady," I added again. It was more like I was downloading things, scared to speak about some other things.
"Do you work here?" she asked me after a lengthy silence.
"Yeah, I have my evening shift, night shift I mean." She just nodded to that, as I checked my watch and realized it was already one past midday. "I have to leave, I need some rest," I stated, standing up, and I escorted her to the entrance. Hoping she would enter, she gave me a hug and went in. I did not have time to think about that hug, so I just left towards wherever I parked the car. I found Aaliyah biting on a burger that was barely fitting in her small mouth, and that made me smile at least. I reversed my car and started the journey back home, but my thoughts were flooded and all over the place. This was more like a child being told that you are dead, and I imagined the hate the boy would have for me, as I did for my father. It felt nostalgic and sad. I did not know if I would even sleep well, so on our way I thought of buying some sleeping pills but realized I might oversleep and be late. So I just ignored that thought and we headed to my place.