We both directly went to my car, as I let Aaliyah in the front passenger seat and I got in the driver's seat. I was so tense that I reversed the car from the parking without fastening my seat belt until it made its noisy noise, 'I mean the car' and I had to comply. Aaliyah was still seated peacefully on her phone, as if scrolling through something or chatting with someone. 'She wouldn't be chatting with someone,' I told myself, as I watched the road. 'What if she is?' I questioned myself over and over and ignored the thoughts by replacing them with the problem that was before me, the largest problem ever.
"Where are we heading to?" Aaliyah asked in between my thoughts, and in between her scrolling on her phone.
"To my workplace," I stated, and she flipped.
"God, why didn't you tell me? You haven't even had enough time to sleep. Another job?"
"No, it's just a little bit of something," I stated.
I knew I had not slept, not a little bit, and the previous days I had worked myself to exhaustion. So, I knew my muscles were tense, and I was, of course, pushing myself. I knew if I just took some sleeping pills, I would sleep like a dead person. But whatever Luke told me could not let me even remember that I did not sleep. Now we were on the last corner before we found the hospital, and I was already nervous. I didn't know if it was nervousness about meeting them or because I was with Aaliyah here, but I knew it was more of the former. So, I entered the gates as the guard looked at me, greeted me, and I directly parked my car in the staffs' parking area.
"Would you mind staying here for a while? I will be back shortly," I stated, and she just nodded. Of course, she would. I wouldn't want her in there. Okay, truth is, it was not professional to bring a lover into the workplace. It mostly leads to distractions, but people do it. It's normal. So, I just opened my door and left as she changed the music Alexia was playing in the speaker.
'Where are they?' my mind thought, as I entered the customer care service area where many people, old, young, children, were all aligned to be served. My eyes were wandering, searching for her. I had not seen her in years. I wondered if she had changed.
Realizing that I could not find her, I left the area, pocketing my hands in the black sweats I wore. I was in sweatpants, some Nike shoes, and a large white t-shirt. It was not good to enter the hospital without doctor's attire, especially in the cardiologist area. And I somehow felt bad leaving Aaliyah in the car when I was not sure if I would be available at the exact time or as fast as I had directed her. So, I thought of checking if my office room had been opened by the staff and maybe let her stay there and watch something on the large screen in the top left corner of the room., though it was all just a though,
As I thought, I met Doctor Melisa, a young doctor who had just joined the gynecology department. I had known her since she took more night shifts, just like me. I wondered what she was doing around during the daytime, as did she.
"Doctor," I stated, and she smiled at me, a little professionally. That was all; I just wanted to reach the cardiologist office. First, the cardiovascular care, a place that I, of course, knew like the back of my hand, then the cardiology medical center. I entered the large building, directing myself straight to my office, which I actually found locked. Of course, they would not open it if I was available for the night. As I started heading inside, Doctor Heung caught a glimpse of me, along with other cardiologists who, of course, I knew, but our interactions were not as deep as with Doctor Heung. With the others, it was more professional, and more of a connection during instances where we had to do surgeries together. Those would become the longest days and the toughest and roughest hours, and then we would all high-five each other after succeeding and then just sit down in the waiting room to rest a bit, while the social workers finished off taking the beddings, and the nurses finished up cleaning and taking the patient to the care rooms.
"Dr. Levin, aren't you supposed to… do you have a shift I don't know about?" he asked.
"No, I'm just looking for something," I stated.
"Oooh, doc, you should have called me. You cannot be here; you need rest," he stated, paused, and then I heard one of the doctors next to him, the female, say, "Doctor, his temperature is quite high, but we shall stabilize it."
"Okay, I will be there in a bit." Doctor Heung knew a lot more than most of us, of course, and the professor, who came in once in a while, as he was teaching at medical school. I'm not quite sure in which school. "As I was saying, you need rest. Tomorrow won't be easy, and I need you sober. Anyway, I have to leave. A young boy just arrived, referred. He has a little bit of a complication; we are still stabilizing him."
"Wait, which boy? How old?" I questioned without realizing my voice had already stated it, making him eye me. We never spoke about patients much. It was all, 'There is this patient with an oxygenated blood complication. I have to leave,' and it would end up with 'okay.' Or better off, 'The surgery was successful, thank God,' and I would just say, 'Thank God,' and we would all leave it at that.
"He is around four, five, six at the oldest. Anyway, you should rest," he stated as he headed to the patient area.
What if that's the boy? I questioned myself over and over, wondering if I should look for a doctor's white coat and assume I'm on shift. They never allow anyone without the attire inside a patient's room. I would also never allow anyone.
Reasons were; It was first easier to know the doctors and second, it was better for the patient's family not to know all that is happening to their patient. It's not easy having to explain everything to the patient's family. It is hard, especially when you know or feel the patient might not be able to see the next day.
All you state is, 'He shall surpass, he is a warrior.' The etiquette needs to be precise and clear. But as I thought, I had not realized, that I was already at the door to the room where Doctor Heung entered. I saw the little boy, his face barely visible, but his upper body fully unclothed, and tears formed in my eyes. I became scared, and instead of leaving through the official area, I went outside using the patient's entrance area, and the area where patients, families, and friends of the beloved stayed waiting for the patients or waiting to be directed on the visiting hours. Then, I just stood right in the outside area as if catching my breath.
For all the few years I had joined the St. Francis Memorial team, I had never felt this kind of tension build up in my chest. It was the first time the fear of death and the fear of losing embraced me. It was a fear I actually never knew I had. It was not the best feeling, but anyway, I think I should go home. My head stated, and as I let my head rise to start my journey, my eyes caught a glimpse of two people, and I directly recognized Kate, without even being called out. She had slimmed down a little, but she still had the same walking style. The man she was with felt familiar, but it was not easy to notice them as they entered the reception area through gate B, the back gate. So, I just quit my thoughts and followed them. I did not care if this were the worst idea or the best idea, but I just needed to know what was happening, when it started, and everything.
"Kate," I first called out right when I entered the reception area. They were entering the cardio area. It was not allowed to shout once you enter the hallway leading to the cardio area. Of course, there were patients in the rooms, and anything could easily disturb them. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. It would be bad to lose someone because of a shout or a scream. So I hurried my steps as they went and sat next to Doctor Heung's office. The designer of this building placed five seats next to every doctor's office. Even I had my own seats. Doctor Heung was assigned to them, which meant I was most likely assigned to the boy. Doctor Heung always gave me his daytime patients, or sometimes Doctor Elizabeth, a darling of a doctor who was very good with kids. I think he will probably leave the boy for her, but when it came to surgeries, the professor chose who to do it and who not to. It was like he knew everyone's perfection. For ventricular septal defect, which is a hole in the heart in simpler terms, the professor mostly gave the more experienced doctors, and the older ones with one younger doctor to at least learn. But for other defects, it would be a mixture of all. And in thought, I had not realized my steps became much slower. It was like I was already scared of them once Kate looked at me, and maybe recognized me. I did not want a scene here; I just wanted to talk. The hallway was, of course, empty, just a few patients next to other cardiologists' offices, and I arrived right where Kate was. I was surprised to realize that the man next to her was none other than my old classmate., or better coursemate, Funky. And all my courage, esteem, and reasoning crashed, and my eyes became weary. The familiar exhaustion my mind and body had from working the previous night and part of this morning came crashing down.
"Hayzen," Funky stated, extending his hand for me to shake, and I just extended mine as I made a little smile. Then Doctor Heung came out, and I let Funky's hand go quickly.
"Dr. Levin, family?" he asked, looking at me.
"Dr. Heung," was all I could say. I could not say yes or no; I could not say anything. I was surprised, like a person betrayed by his closest partner. I was surprised, but this was not clicking and processing at the moment. So I just ignored everything.
"Franklin family right?.., He will be fine," I heard him tell Kate and Funky, as I had distanced myself from them. Then he turned to me and stated, "Dr. Levin, please, go have a rest." With that, he entered the room and I let myself sit on the seats opposite Doctor Kingston's office. Funky and Kate sat opposite me. All I did was observe Kate for a while, and then look down at the ground, realizing how shiny and clean the floors were. The tears in my eyes blurred my vision, and I tried hardest to clench my jaw and just focus my mind on the fact that the child, my child, was in danger. He was in danger, I told myself over and over. My phone ringing interrupted my thoughts. It was Aaliyah, and I headed outside through the official's side to answer it. As I did, I heard the doctor from where I had been sitting come outside to announce that phones should be placed in silent mode.