I checked my phone for almost five minutes, seated now on the couch.
Aaliyah was finishing off her breakfast. I knew she would soon ask why I wasn't calling the Kate person back, so I just decided to try Luke.
The first ring, voicemail.
The second, voicemail.
"Dude, c'mon," my mind stated. And then my phone rang. It was a new number from here, here in San Francisco, area code check and everything. So I stared at it as it rang and then just answered it as I unconsciously stood and went to the balcony. I was nervous about the caller; I hoped it was not someone...
"Hello," the line stated, a woman. I wanted to speak, but all my nerves froze for a moment. It was not cold outside; actually, the weather was beautiful. "Hello," the voice stated again, and I cleared my throat to speak.
"Yes, Hayzen here," I stated.
"It's Kate," she stated, fluent and very precise, which made me just shut up as I waited for her next response. "Luke is not answering. Send me the hospital bills."
"Okay," I stated. I wanted to ask her how the baby was, how old he had become, how far grown he was, what she tells him about me, but she hung up before I could even speak. I held onto the phone in my ear as if it was my dear life, as I felt the familiar feeling of pain in my heart come back—the ache, the ache of losing something or better, when the familiar excitement of being with someone turns bitter and solidly icy and cold.
"You are sweet to your sister. That's cute," Aaliyah stated, and I just looked at her.
I did not want to look at her with eyes that would pierce her soul or that would make her scared. I had already mastered how to condense and mask my emotions.
"Eeh, yeah, she's my little girl," I stated.
"Never knew your voice would be low like that," she stated laughing, and I felt offended. I never wanted anyone to ever see that side of me. "
How low?" I asked, trying hard not to tell her to leave the topic.
"Very low. It is like you were scared of her or something."
"No," I stated laughing as my phone rang, and now it was Luke. I gave Aaliyah an apologetic look for cutting off our conversation and immediately answered Luke.
"Dude, man, would you just man up for once? What the fuck happened to your phone?" I asked. "Sorry, I was a little wasted, man."
"Why? Is there a problem?" I asked.
"No, yeah, can I... can we speak... can we meet?"
"Dude, I'm in San Francisco. My shift is at night. I don't know if I have time to hang around," I stated, waving my hands in the air, not understanding why he wanted us to meet.
"Your boy... he..." Luke started, then paused, as if talking to someone else.
"Yo, what did he do? Luke, c'mon, I'll drive there if I have to. What happened? She called me. Would you just tell me?" He still stayed silent, and I wondered, did he die? No, not death... After some seconds of anxiousness killing me, Luke started the conversation again.
"Sorry, it was my girl. Dealing with a hangover is shit, but with her here, it is beautiful. By the way, how is Elvis's sister?" Why was he changing the subject?
"Luke, we were talking about the boy... what happened?.., what really happened man, you are scaring me.."
"Dude, he's got asthma, a heart condition, or something like that. He's set to undergo surgery," Luke stated, and I felt the specks and sparkles of my fatherhood dim and light at the moment, as I felt my eyes become overwhelmed with undesired emotions, and my heart start fearing. "...What do you mean, asthma? I never knew."
"Dude, how would you know? You never even ask about him."
"I send money, Luke. Plus, we broke up and you know what happened."
"No, man, I think you should talk to her. You have to settle your past issues now," he stated.
"When did it start?" I asked Luke, becoming more anxious and tapping on the rails as I felt my mind become foggy. I had not slept; damn, I really need some sleep.
"Talk to her, man..."
"Okay," I stated as I hung up.
When I turned my head into the house, Aaliyah was observing me closely, as if contemplating what I was talking about on the phone.
"It's not a big deal," I found myself stating to her as I sat on one of my couches, contemplating how much money to send to her.
"The boy has asthma. I am the worst father. Congrats," I thought to myself and then laughed loudly, sarcastically indeed. Aaliyah looked at me with a 'what the fuck' look. I ignored the look anyway as I texted Luke to send her two thousand dollars. That account, I believe, had a lot of money. That will help her, even though it means leaving my bank account in bankruptcy. Then I took my phone and typed in the number she called me with, and it went straight to voicemail. I called again, wondering why she was not available, and this time it went through.
"Hello, yes," it was her mum. Their voices were a little familiar, but her mother had a thick Australian accent. Of course, I knew her mother from that day of delivery, when she...
"It's Hayzen," I randomly stated, as I saw Aaliyah eyeing me. This was a situation I needed no one to know about, not even Aaliyah. She just needed not to know about what I was talking about, so I stood and went to the balcony hoping she would not follow me around.
"Hayzen? And who is that?" she asked, being a little bit sarcastic.
"Ah..." I started but did not know what to say. I wish I was dealing with Kate. Her mother was twenty times worse than her daughter. She might slam the door in front of me, she might give me a lecture on how I have been missing, but I was just giving them... I really don't know why I never reached out... Fuck, I...
"Who is Hayzen?" she asked, now raising her voice, as the cracks of old age speeches and vocals could be heard.
"Can I speak to Kate?" I stated.
"I asked which Hayzen is this?" she stated, and I suddenly heard someone grabbing the phone. "Maaa..." the voice stated. "Hey, Kate went to take little Zain to the hospital..." It was Kate's little sister.
"What happened to Za... him?" I questioned. I had never even known what name they gave the child. I did not know if he grew to be pure white, or my blend. I never knew if he had my sense of humor, if he had my thick black hair, my shade brown eyes, my slim face, and sharp jawline... and this is when I realized how missing I was. How missing I was. I may have sent money but... what did I do? I questioned myself as my left hand nervously scratched my hair and my right still holding the phone, as I waited for the two to stop arguing. I was not sure why they were arguing. "Hello..." I stated again.
"Ooh, I am sorry..." Kate's sister stated.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Are you the boyfriend.., she left a while ago?." she questioned.
"No, I... Yeah, I am. What happened?" I asked again, even if it meant acting to be her whatever.
"I thought you went with her."
"No. Which hospital is she at? I had some errands running."
"Ooh, it is Saint Francis Memorial."
"Saint Francis???" I asked, questioning. That was my goddamn working place.
"Yes, didn't you know?"
"Yeah, thanks. Bye. I'll see you there when we come back."
"Okay, bring us cheese and some nuggets."
"Okay," I stated and hung up, as my mind shifted straight to 'Saint Francis, my place of work... I should head there... I should head there.' I was already in my room putting on clothes. I couldn't shower, and I hadn't slept. I would sleep at lunchtime, I told myself. I will be okay.
And I remembered Aaliyah was saying something.
"Aaliyah, I need to leave," I stated as I went out of my room, only to find her also dressed and with her little backpack. "Where are you going?"
"Have you forgotten? You told me we would leave."
"Really???" I asked.
"Yes, plus you haven't slept. I can drive while you sleep in the car. Just tell me where you're going." Aaliyah was always pushy, and I could not say no. That was something I always knew was my weakness when it came to girls. 'I won't let her leave the car,' I told myself, plus I'm not sure if they really are there.