"Billy," I recalled again as I looked for his number and dialed it as fast as I could.
"Any problem, Hayzen?" Dr. Kingstone asked, and I just gestured 'one minute' with my right hand and index finger.
"Yes," Billy answered, on the phone.
"Yo, how's the holiday?" I quickly stated, trying to be as casual as possible.
"Do you wanna join me or what?" he asked, and I heard his chuckle on the other side of the line.
"C'mon, Billy. Anyway, save me Funky's number, bro."
"When did we become bros? But let me save you it."
"Thanks, man," I stated and hung up as my mind thought of trying Kate again.
It rang again, no answer.
Then I tried again.... and luckily, she answered. "Zen," she stated in a sleepy tone, and I felt bad disturbing her while she was sleeping, but at the same time glad that she answered. At least, I told myself.
"You called. I was with some customers," I stated.
I feared telling her I was busy, leading her to not calling me again. I feared a lot when it came to her. If it were not that I needed to be professional in this chemist, I would literally leave the customer pending and answer my girl's phone call.
"Oh yeah, Zen, I wanted something," she stated, making me more anxious.
"Tell me anything. Feel free, I'm all ears," I stated.
I occasionally realized when speaking to Kate, my voice unconsciously became low and a little deeper than the way I spoke with my friends or any other person. It just felt different. It just shifted, and hell, I think this is the reason the doc, my boss, was looking at me as I was speaking.
"Bring me... wait... promise you won't get mad," she stated, and I just chuckled. "Bring me mifepristone. I know you work at a chemist, and of course, they are there. It's not illegal anyway..." She was speaking, but I was somehow... how do I explain it? I was yes listening, but I was frozen and pained at the same time., right when she said mifepristone' 'wasn't she, I thought we were through with the topic of being pregnant. Why did she need them? I questioned. Those are pregnancy-terminating pills. It's not acceptable. "...We are young, Zen. Plus, this was not either of our plans, you know. We can have a lot more in the future..." God, she was speaking the most, and the most she was speaking was about a topic I would never accept or take part in whatsoever the situation, except on terms of ectopic pregnancy. I would rethink.
"Kate, are you serious?" I asked.
"C'mon, darling... can't you just do me that? A favor?"
This was not a favor; this was killing, my mind rethought. I was nervously tapping on the desk, and I hadn't realized that, after she gave me the news, I subconsciously sat down, drowning into the thoughts of what she was saying. I knew if she pleaded more, I would not control myself, and I would literally just take them. Dr. Kingstone always placed them under the shelves where people would never see them. He was used to, of course, helping ladies terminate, but I never ever took part in that. I always recommended those ladies to him.
"Zen, why aren't you speaking?" she asked. I just did not know what to say. What if I tell her not to, and she ends up doing it behind my back, bleeds to death like one of the girls in the university did? I was scared of what to tell her.
"I will think of it, but first, Kate, darling, can we please just... I mean, can we please talk at least, please?" I stated. But she hung up, and I let my palm caress my face in frustration.
"Love issues?" the doctor asked.
"Do you have..." I wanted to ask her about the drug, but I feared he would judge me as he did to men and women of my generation. "Yeah, she's just insecure," I stated.
"Expecting women are always like that; you will have to deal with a lot," he stated, as I checked my watch and saw it was almost three past midday.
"Can I leave early?" I questioned, and he nodded, understanding that I meant I wanted to leave now.
So, I took my bag, which carried nothing but my lab coat and the stethoscope that Doctor Kingstone had given me, and left. The chemist was, of course, a walking distance to Kate's and my rental place.
After almost an hour, I arrived at my apartment door, opened it, and entered. Kate was still here. 'Glad,' I told myself. With me, I had everything she had asked me for, in addition to buying her some pills to lessen her vomiting. But the pregnancy pill, that's something I would never buy her.
"Daaaarliiiiing," she called out, coming towards me for a hug. The same thing she did when she wanted something from me. She would go to the extent of even seducing me, but I, of course, found it sexy and very interesting. It just made me feel needed, although deep down I knew that this was not good—being given love when manipulation is the next thing. But anyway, I loved it. When she showered me with love, it just felt beautiful, and it made me light-hearted and happy. So, after the hug, she dragged me to the sofa and literally sat on top of me, and touched my jawline, giving me a soft then deeper kiss. These were the things that made me suck for her. I was at my weakest when she would just do this.
"Did you buy it?" she asked, looking at my lips, as if waiting for their answers. And I, looking at her, wondering how this moment of love will end just because I haven't done what she wanted.
"I bought the milkshake... the fridge, I will deal with it, and your vomiting pills, to lessen..."
"Baaabe, not that," she stated, looking into my eyes, and I literally knew what she was talking about as I saw the little light in her eyes fade. "Babe, do you really... I'm too young," she stated, as I suddenly missed her love right when she left my lap.
"Kate, c'mon."
"Now I'm Kate? Not even darling? Was this your plan? To sex me, and just lock me with your baby?"
"Babe... Kate, come on, it's not that. I... I," I did not know what to say. Kate was always a shift of moody being. She would literally have twenty moods in an hour, and yes, it would be confusing.
"Does your mum even know?"
"Darling, it's... my mum can't know."
"Well now what, Levy??..." She asked, and it was the first time she used my second name. No one ever calls me by my second name except my mum, and she, of course, uses them both: "Levy-Jason, come here," "Levy-Jason, do you have ears?" "Levy-Jason, can't you do anything right?" "Levy-Jason, and what happened to your grade this semester?" "Levy-Jason, why would you eat all the mangoes in the fridge?" And mind you, my sister used to eat them and blame it on me. "...hellooo..." Kate stated, snapping a finger at me. It felt like I was in a movie, or I don't know where. She was scolding me like a little boy, and it felt humiliating—it really did. "I don't want people seeing me with a big stomach, and I haven't even done my modeling for the school." She finished, and I was silent. 'Damn, this side of her,' my mind just thought.
"I'm not buying you that... I can't do it," I stated, and she just stood and left, banging the door behind her. I was left alone, subconsciously walking and hitting the wall of the house hard until my knuckles started bleeding. "Shit," I stated as I nursed them. "What's happening?" I questioned myself. "Is this all real or are we in a movie? Is it all happening in my life, like for real?" I questioned again.
I took my phone and called Kate. Three hours had passed since the fight, and after the second ring, she answered.
"Mmh..."
"I'm sorry," was all my mouth stated.
"Okay," I heard her say with a little sigh.
"Are you free? Dinner on me," I stated. It had been long since I last took her out. I don't even know when the last time was. I think it was before our semester exams.
"Okay."
"A date," I added, hoping she would wear something nice.
"Okay..." she said, as if being forced to just say okay to everything.
"I love you," I added and I hung up. It had been long since we told each other how much we loved each other. After everything, it just felt like life had shifted us to another level of being alive where saying "I love you" wasn't needed. But I made sure every evening I came home with something for her to drink, take, or enjoy. I just decided to show my love more than just speaking about it.