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11:04 pm January 10, 2016
of course, it's Sunday the day i have to go to my mother's whenever i am at my dad's. in my own words that i said to my dad yesterday"i can call here home than out by my moms" But my dad was literally picking on Friday night cause I was almost in the hot topic for almost 2 hours. (edited Jan 12, 2016, @ 6:43 am)
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A social battery is fragile to those with anxiety or being an introvert. Or to anyone in general. Or even someone who is a shell of who they used to be. It's the fragile pieces of glass we walk on, that will break and cause the pain and guilt to seep in more and more as the fear dips into our lungs, clouding our thoughts over time.
We wish we could turn off the emotions, no matter how hard we try. I was always told my emotions were wrong- That they were a weakness. And now- I wish I wasn't a fragile b**ch. I'm a hollow version of who I used to be. And the inner child is so broken and damaged that I don't recognize the face in the mirror.
At times we think everything is okay. When in reality we know it's not. We try to hide our pain to succumb to the actual fate. Maybe it's the weird feeling of our demon's demise. Or maybe we just want the pain to go away. Great, I'm going to be late for work.
10 minutes later: after a shower
'Here is to another day and another waste of the hours towards a meaningless paycheck.' okay, i have my purse, and phone charger wallet. I have everything I need. Can someone just edit- insert eye roll here? I wish I could stay in bed for the day but I need money to survive. F**king whatever.
At work: dead topic (record/music store)
Walking in, I was contemplating whether to just try to find a remote work-at-home job so I didn't have to deal with anyone but I just plastered a fake smile and greeted Ryan, "Hey Ryan. Slow day?" he looked over and saw he was carrying a box, " hey haley, clock in- we got a new shipment in. And so far it has been slow but maybe it's just an off day."
he was walking off when i said, "Okay? Oh hey Ryan. Thanks for giving me a few more hours this week. I am a little behind for bills." he looked back, "It's not a problem haley, you a good worker who shows up on time and doesnt cause problems. Besides you picking up Carla's shift the other day that was a huge help."
Phone call conversation: Anastasia and haley
Anastasia:
Are you still going to be here for your shift tonight?
Haley:
Yes, I am still coming in tonight Ana.
I am behind on bills. I need the money.
I may be a smidge late because of the OT
Anastasia:
Does this mean im covering for you?
Haley:
Pretty please
Anastasia:
Fine but you owe me one.
Haley:
I'll buy you Tito's next paycheck
Anastasia: deal. I'll see you at work later.
Haley: bye, for now, Ana
End of phone convo
Anastasia's POV:
I heard footsteps coming into the locker room and I saw Ariel and Delilah, "was that haley?" I nodded, "Yeah, she is gonna be a bit late for her shift tonight." "Did she say why?" Ariel was concerned, and I don't blame her, but Delilah rolled her eyes and muttered, "She's never late to a shift." I looked at Ariel with the words planted on my face, "Is she serious right now?"
Delilah played the obvious, "What im not wrong." I defended Haley, " Haley at least has a good reason, Delilah. She said she was picking up a few more hours for OT." she backed off a bit, "Fair enough. I swear that girl never takes a break."
1 year later
The Lavender Emerald
Haley's POV
"I don't know Mer- Sydney said that she was quitting in a few days anyways." Meredith is a calm person yet I would say she has a tame personality. " Hey Syd, what's wrong?" she responded out of breath, "Okay, so we have this thing going around the bar, if you could wish for anything what would it be?" i laughed, "What's so funny?" Mer questioned and Sydney just gave me a dirty look, " well right now i wish i didn't have to work from 9 to midnight just to make ends meet."
Fucking same mer, same. "I would say the lotto but nowadays it is gone in a week due to bills, gas, and barely pay for food. But honestly, i dont know." g*d i wish i didn't say that.
After work
The rush hour came in and went, a few regulars came in, and even a party came in. Ana took care of it, this past year, i swear it's been a complete nightmare. I sent in my manuscript. It got rejected, yes I was bummed out. Not only because it got rejected but also because I lost 500 bucks. " Night everyone, drive safe." i was last to lock up for the night, and the key left the locked doors, and i was wearing a jacket over my uniform.
Walking down the frigid street it was illuminated with lights and i kept passing each story every night on my way home from work but one always caught my eye, this little i guess witch shop. I sadly dont know the actual term for stores likes these. To me if i could id run my own but, i can barely afford an apartment.
The Violet Thorn
Walking in the little bell dinged and i saw an entirely new world, but most of all i was greeted by furbabies. " come in my dear, come in. There is so much to find, and some things that might even surprise you." it sounded like a sweet yet older lady. I ventured deeper into the store to find more tachkis, empty jars, and jars filled with things, she said, " oh my dear you must be cold, i carry many different teas, and we have free coffee too."
I smiled, and her kindness made me feel a warm happiness. I wish more people had a kinda aura like hers. She came over & handed me a small basket of different teas, there as black tea, green tea, matcha, and many more. " Is there anything that you may be interested in, my dear?" I asked, " Yes, if possible, I wish not to be a bother." she laughed, " Oh my dear hush now, you're the first customer i have had all week."
For once i felt like i was not out of place. " Do you have any tips for a baby witch? I work more in the kitchen or when making drinks but i would like to do more." she smiled, " i have just the thing, i can have a collection ready for you in lets say 20 minutes?"
i smiled, "Thank you miss." i was startled a little bit by a small creature rubbing on my leg, i looked down and said, " oh hello little one. Arent you just the cutest little furbaby." she smiled, and picked up the kitty really quick, " this is salem, hes friendly, and if you scratch his belly he will just melt like putty. I know that aries, zeus, and athena should be around here somewhere."
She handed Salem over to me, " oh my." he nuzzled his little head into my arm, " you are too cute." She shook a small box and they all came running. I followed as she went to the back and she said, " oh hun you go explore. You seem like a bookworm."
I laughed and it was true, she was right. I began to explore the shop but grabbed a small basket, and it seemed like things were decently priced. I did get a pay raise the other month, plus i haven't spent anything except for bills and the necessities, i will just get a few things. I have been trying to learn more about witch-like things. But omg she has tiny nicknacks.
20 minutes later
Back of the store
"All finished my dear." I headed back and had the kitties following me. I miss my ghostie bear. She ran away on May 19, 2023. I still miss her. She was my furbaby. And this year she will turn 8 years old.
"right dear, i added a few goodies, teas, coffee, and a few books too, a few jars, herbs and well there more in there to find." i looked over and saw this almost glowing drink. And asked, "Um out of curiosity- what is that?" she said, " oh that is a signature drink, but very deadly if it gets into the wrong hands." i brushed it off and said, " oh okay nevermind." she knew i was curious but i dont want it falling into the wrong hands. " my dear, if i give you this you must never tell another soul."
I questioned her motives, "Why give it to me?" she said " Because Haley, i saw into your future. And you deserve much much better." For once I didn't question it and just nodded in agreement. I don't know what i just agreed to but for once I'm going to live my life. " how much do i owe you?" she said, " $25.00" i asked, " are you sure? There is so much stuff." she laughed, " its fine, trust me. Just say hello to my daughter for me please."
Back at home: apartment complex
I got home with all of it, but what she said confused me, it sounded almost cryptic. But I cleaned up the original mess I had and contemplated whether to drink it or not. "It's okay Haley, do it- and you will join a new fantasy world, one you've always dreamed of."
it was like it was whispering to me. I was terrified and confused, but curious in all. Opening it, i said fuck it for once in my life. Down the hatch, it went, and I became very sleepy, & I knew it was just poison. At least I died trying.