Years, 20 years. Emotions that have fluttered but also brought into peril and pain. One pain to question with the heart that is blind. A loving pain of what not to do but also do what is right. A strange love that made it so mad. A mad crazy love that turned into poison and lust. What should I do that is right? Do I listen to my heart or listen to my mind?
When my mind is trapped with the demons inside. Trapping me into a sick empty cage; of my thoughts. I question what would happen in the next five years if things were different.
Or if I never would have met him. The love of my life. The one who stole my heart and built it from the crumbled pieces that made it whole. Picking up the pieces from the trauma it got.
Used by humans torture. A once full disaster heart. But now I'm second-guessing myself. Pain- we all know what pain is. We experience it through the life and death of a loved one. Loss of a pet.
And self-infliction of numbness. Trying to avoid the question that remains- what if. Judgment: a misfortune or calamity viewed as a divine punishment. Judgment is the pain of not being perfect in someone else's eyes.
And years and years after having the judgment and question of why will i never be good enough. A mirror we once adored now Makes us see the flaws once accepted by your hearts.
Pain and judgment lead to fear of not being perfect, bullying, and belittling ourselves to become this tiny small being. Soon enough we question in a relationship do they love me? Will they leave me? Am I good enough? They deserve better than me.
Pain and judgment lead to our fear of demons and thoughts creating this shadow of hate. a pain in our hearts that leads to a clouded mind of our judgment. One where we wish we could be the real person we once were.
Free as a bird but trapped in a cage. alone in our minds but alive in a shell. controlled by our thoughts but have free will of our soul
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(small time jump)
2 weeks later
" Okay, so do we pair this with these shoes or go with the blouse?" my mind wandered as Temperance asked me for styling tips, and i explained to her, " I hate to do this but- imma go out for a few, do you want anything?" She shook her head no, and i went to go get dressed and i am at least comfy, but i just want to go buy Ben and Jerry's ice cream and tater tots from the store and maybe a few bottles of alcohol.
At the convenience store
20 minutes later
I was at check out when i was about to head out to my car, i saw a five-hour energy pack and i was debating and said meh fuck it, i got two mini four packs. I need to finish my novel anyway and I got a few days off anyway.
outside
Walking back to my car it felt like something had eyes on me. The cold air shocked me and I got goosebumps. I felt a presence behind me and immediately swung the bag of ice cream and knocked the person to the floor, "Don't fuck with me i got Ben and Jerry's ice cream, and im not afraid to use it.'' Soon enough I had a hand around my throat and I was at the mercy of a vampire.
My heart was racing, pounding in my chest, and silence rang loud in my head. I didn't know what to do- my brain didn't use fight or flight. It was frozen in fear and dare I say curiosity.