May 28, 2024, 1:08 pm
It's been a good minute since I wrote one of these, and a lot has happened, I'm doing better now, well that's the surface anyway, im indifferent about the feelings i have towards a now recent ex of mine, and don't get me wrong i wish him all the best and happiness with much success, but i wish to go at least to a minimum of zero contact because guess what im pregnant, so far tiny is doing good, i don't know the gender yet, i think i should be in the second trimester by now,
But a lot has happened, I got out of an I WOULD THINK loveless relationship, the reason why it is in bold and underlined, is because I don't know 100% sure it is just how it seemed to be, yes I was blinded by love. For almost a decade, if i waited two more years it would have been anyway. But with this, i am already doing a lot better than i was, yes, i wouldn't say hurt, maybe the first initial shock of it yes i felt hurt and betrayed. But now after a few days almost a week it has been, because this happened at least 10 days ago..
I know that I will always feel something for him as we have been together for so long and I really saw in the future that I would marry him, but I was blind. And I got burned again. I gave him all of my trust, and I will admit I gave so many opportunities to break things off if he wanted, but he said no, he loved me. I know there was one time where he said he fell out of love with me, and that made me think, if I was gone for a month at my dads visit and he said that after just one month, what would happen if it was more.
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Haley's pov
You ever feel like when your brain disassociates from things that your mind starts to wonder, but you also start or begin to question if anything is actually real? This all feels like a fever dream. I really wonder how i actually got here, is this maybe just me dreaming and i'm somewhere at home half dead?
(time skip) 4 years later
Back home
Staring out the window I had my demons knocking on the thoughts in my head. Waiting for a small mistake, waiting for that one little thought to slip through or for me to be at my most vulnerable to weigh down on every flaw and every thing that is wrong with me. " Hey, you good Haley?" I shook my head, brushing off the coma of space, " yeah, I'm fine, just spacing out." Ariel looked at me, " okay? Are you sure?" I sighed, " yeah, promise."
I don't exactly remember how i got home, but i was told that i was found in my apartment passed out, apparently i had a heart attack. I don't think that was it. But everything that happened in the coma/dreamscape, it all stayed. Well except the house. That i can understand, but i found a letter on top of a big trunk in my closet and it was from what i'm guessing the 'fairy godmother'?
I still think I was going nuts for a few. But honestly a lot has happened so far. Made a demo, and it blew up after a few months on tiktok. That was a really good day, but my friends said they would help out and here we are 3 and a half years later on the road to New orleans louisiana.
At first it started out as small shows and now it's a mini tour. We are opening for a few newer bands, but they are really nice and these past few weeks have been really an incredible journey so far.
Now my love life- yeah there isn't any, i've been told by ariel and meredith that some have flirted with me, but i don't realize it. Well let me rephrase this, i didn't realize it at the time, and even now i don't realize it. I think i'm at a point in my life where i don't really want to do anything in the romance category, i mean they make toys for a reason but even then i don't want to get burned again. And I don't want my heart ripped out of me again either.
I will admit, in these past few years I've been doing very well, I have lost a lot of weight. I am down to a size 16 from a 24. Granted I've gone through one too many bras, I am proud of myself, I have more confidence in myself and I really do feel like my old self again and not an insecure shell of myself anymore. And I have grown a lot of confidence in my style and how I do my hair, and I have started to wear makeup again, just a little bit of eyeliner and mascara but hey it's a start.
" Hey, are you still getting a new tattoo?" i replied to persephone's question, " yeah i would like to honestly, and finally get a septum, i don't know yet honestly." She said, " If you're still interested, can I see if my friend is taking a walk in when we get there tomorrow?" " Only if she is able to, do I feel bad about even asking because I know they are probably busy. Besides, I gotta pick up hair dye and bleach."
" What color or just a touch up?" I was honestly pondering what to do with my hair. I think I might just stick with the half and half or do half white and black or pink and black i really don't know. " I don't know just yet, but at least we will have it on hand."