9:56 am Monday, November 1, 2021
Morning to me. Been awake since 4:30 something this morning. Ever since Chris told me last night. Something isn't sitting right with me. He told me what his brother Justin said about my mental health. I can kinda understand where he's coming from. But still, I guess I just have a bit of abandonment issues and a hella lot of other problems. But I do want to get better but I wouldn't say I don't want to go to an asylum to put it that way. But no offense I know damn well i wouldn't improve i would go downhill even more.
And I wouldn't say I'm suicidal. It's more like I'm just saying what's on my mind. But apparently, when you say you want to cut your tongue out metaphorically that's saying you want to die. Yes, there are some days I want to give up and just get rid of the pain.
I have so much guilt on my shoulders. I blame myself for so much. I mean why not I have gotten the guilt trip of hell my entire life. I do try to ignore it, but I guess I just dont- i dont know. I guess old habits do die hard. And lately, I am happy I made a few accomplishments, the other night I poached my first egg.
Made a few new recipes. And so I will be able to add those to a new version of my recipe book. Well, my second one hopefully. I don't know how I want to do that yet. I keep getting distracted by watching YouTube lol.
My YouTube lately is a mix between cats and puppies, to food, then episodes, and something very interesting that has helped me unblock my writer's block. That's a long story. Lol. but moving on. The episode has new clothing. That's a plus. Granted, I'm talking to myself. For once I can agree with myself in a convo. Scary but fun. Oh, it's my boyfriend's and my third anniversary was yesterday. Yes, we did start dating a little bit before that day but he did ask me to be his girlfriend on Halloween. It was very sweet.
Oh, I also found a tater tot Kabab recipe. It looks good, with only five ingredients. Seems simple enough. But I couldn't be happier about my bf and me. But he did say something that hurt me. I didn't know he didn't want to postpone. But what he said was we are gonna wait till we're more stable. Now I feel bad. Okay, scratch that. I feel worse. That is another trap of guilt I feel. Men have this weird lingo with their body language.
Now we women, we have weird ass language when we say we're fine. We're dying inside. And when we say we aren't hungry. That means we want you to get us something to eat. Food is comfort food. Not only keeps us calm but also keeps us from hearing a low grumble. Welp. imma type more later when i hear Chris coming back from the shower. Welp by to me.
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Unknown time: unknown place
"F**k my head, where the hell am i?" i tried to get my surroundings, but it seemed like i was on a street? Surrounded by forest, I didn't know where I was and there was no car in sight, and the only light illuminating from the full moon.
I saw a pair of headlights coming down and I ran to the side of the road trying to flag them down, hopefully, they would be able to help. I know it's not a smart move but maybe a bit of hope would help."
They came to a stop, and I pleaded with them, "I'm so sorry- can you please tell me where i am or if i can find a town?" it didn't fully process, but it felt like i had a head trauma, concussion maybe? They tried to ask me questions but I couldn't hear much. It all became a blur and silence.
At the hospital
I hate hospitals, they got me hooked on all kinds of wires. I don't even know which one I'm at, I woke up like two hours after I got here apparently. The one nurse who is taking care of me is kinda cute, she has blonde and brunette streak hair, greenish-blue eyes, and cute dimples. And the doc-. She is cute, and I mean like cute cute. "Hey Haley, you have visitors.'' I know it couldn't be Dad or Mum. A small petite girl came in and she seemed familiar.
" Hey Haley, my name is Bonnie." Oh f*ck me- "I'm Elena." Yep, I'm fucked. I put on a quick fake smile, trying to hide the pain and also realizing that there is a high possibility of me getting stuck in f**king G*d d*mn TVD- or Mystic, depending on which one. Cuz there are the vampire diaries- which had 8 seasons. The Originals which had i think 5 or 6 seasons & Legacies which got canceled after 4 seasons.
" Are you doing okay now? When you walked to the car you collapsed." Bonnie pointed out the obliviousness, and I nodded, "Yeah, other than a fractured rib I'll be fine. Kinda funny- never thought I'd break a bone in my life." Besides me breaking my brain. Thank you demons.
" You've never broken anything?" I shook my head no to Elena's question, "No unless disease counts. Then I have coat disease, vitiligo, depression, anxiety, and ADHD."
"Interesting combo to say the least." I laughed a little but it immediately hurt, I asked, "Can I ask you two something." Bonnie nodded but you could tell Elena was fidgeting, "Okay, three questions." I nodded, " Where am I?" Elena looked at Bonnie and Elena replied, " Mystic Falls, Virginia?" I sighed in an Oh sh*t I'm probs gonna be stuck here for a min.
" How long till i can get out of here?" " You would have to ask the doctor. '' I sighed but also I kind of do wanna go home but don't because I'm honestly stuck in two dead-end jobs.
I felt a shooting pain of fire spring through my ribs causing me to clench them- " okay last question- are you sure she isn't Katherine?" They both became slack-jawed, I giggled, "I know you're not," I laughed, the fire pain shooting worse through my ribs, but it was worth it, "I know you're not. I had to lighten the mood. Besides, you would still have Stefan and Damon at your throat. And not in a kinky way."
She rolled her eyes and Bonnie held back a laugh, "I know that she put all of you through hell, literally. But I do wanna know when I can get the hell out of here. I f**the king hate hospitals." The doctor came in and said, " Well Haley I have good news for you. You can be released today." I felt relief of joy or a weight lifted off my shoulders.
Discharge- 3 hrs later
I saw a bag of clothes that looked like my uniform from work. Getting dressed quickly I heard a knock on the door, "Okay Haley, your discharge papers have been sent and are ready to go."
Mystic Falls Hospital: Front entrance
I walked out but had nowhere to go so I did what I always do- try to survive.