Dear younger brother, Xi,
Congratulations on getting first place again! Just as I said, you are always the first. Today I arrived in New York, and New York is amazing, just like the song says. It's a concrete jungle made of dreams, and there's nothing that can't be achieved here. Although you probably haven't heard that song, haha, you must come to New York someday. I really hope you can come here; you must tour the United States in the future.
In the afternoon, I went to Brooklyn. There are a lot of hippies there, and many vinyl record stores. I saw many classical music records, including some by Michaelangelo Jireh. I bought a few. New York University is great; the campus is very distinctive with neoclassical buildings. I guess you would like it. Katherine also got into NYU; she's majoring in literature. I chose biology, but I'm planning when I can transfer to the Juilliard School, of course, without my parents knowing. We still go to church on weekends, and I'm striving to get into the school's orchestra
...
As I wrote up to this point, Katherine suddenly patted my shoulder. "Writing a letter to Yexi again? Have you fallen in love with this little brother of yours?" "Oh, what are you saying? Jealous, huh? I'm just sharing some music with him, the music of New York. I wish they could come here and perform; it's amazing here." "Oh, really? Let me see what you've written. Hmm... Are you planning to transfer to the Juilliard School?" Katherine widened her eyes and raised her voice. "Yes, I am. I'll keep it from Mom and Dad for now." I put away the pen and folded the letter, placing it in the drawer. "I think such a significant decision should be discussed, and you don't need their permission, right? We're all adults now; you should have your own life. Of course, that's just my opinion. I respect your choice." "Take your time telling them." This was my initial commitment to music. If learning the violin was the source of my strength, then this time, it was a dedication without hesitation. I didn't know what obstacles I would face; I hesitated a bit. In reality, I didn't plan to mention it, but regarding the future path of music, I was also confused. The contemporary music scene in the United States is formidable, no doubt, but for classical music, Europe is essential. Fortunately, the Juilliard School has jazz music that interests me, perhaps I will choose jazz as my focus. If I don't tell my parents, this choice will be mine alone. In this journey, no one can give me advice or help. They won't support me, be it Mom and Dad or my brother; Kai is still young, busy with his own studies. There's no one to confide in; this path is bound to be lonely. Perhaps only Ye Xi would encourage me; and Li Li, they are my closest friends in music. Regardless, music is my inevitable choice; otherwise, God wouldn't have brought Yexi into my life or allowed me to listen to his music.
One year later, I successfully gained admission to the Juilliard School of Music. My parents eventually found out about my transfer to study jazz music. As I expected, they sternly reprimanded me. For a long three months, we didn't exchange a single word, and they didn't provide me with any financial support. They quoted, "A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a mocker does not respond to rebukes." I also refrained from going to church during this time. I harbored some resentment towards God. If Yexi was a sign brought by Him, why did I have to defy my parents? I didn't understand His teachings, nor did I want to understand. However, I still feared the consequences of not believing in Him. Getting to this extent was already my greatest rebellion.
In the third month, I returned to Rochester and went to church with my parents. Later, with the encouragement from my brother and Katherine, my parents finally came to terms with my decision. My mom recommended Aunt Lijuan in Taiwan, and my brother gave me the address of the Bai family in New York. I vaguely recalled before coming to the United States, during that Christmas, he told me that the Bai family had a close relationship with ours, having saved our family back then, and he suggested I pay them a visit. I sent my recorded demo to Aunt Lijuan, and they told me that debuting in Taiwan might be more feasible.
I understood that from then on, my musical journey once again bore the honor of the family. It seemed like I could never catch up with Yexi because we were fundamentally different. I was worldly, and he belonged to God. But I also yearned to be a person in the spotlight, like him, winning international awards and earning the admiration of many.
In the first semester at the Juilliard School of Music, I often stayed up late, studying piano, practicing the violin, delving into music theory, and daily exercises in improvisation and chords. By the end of the semester, I achieved the top rank in my class. Finally, with some confidence, I decided to visit the Bai family.
The Bai family's mansion was located near Central Park, in the prime Upper East Side of Manhattan. The villa, following a neoclassical style, had a sandstone three-story structure with an eave adorned by exquisite sculptures. Four large glass windows were embedded in the center of each floor, creating a mosaic-like delicacy with the sandstone material. As I reached the grand entrance guided by an iron handrail, I adjusted my attire and pressed the doorbell.
"Hello, may I ask who you're looking for?" The door was opened by a woman around forty, speaking friendly Mandarin. She wore a snug navy blue chiffon dress, appearing almost like a uniform.
"I'm looking for Mr. Bai Wenzhe, Uncle Bai Wenzhe."
"Oh, who are you?" She added with a question.
"Uh, Yan Feng? Ah, you've grown so much. Time really flies. A remarkable young man, reminiscent of your father's youthful charm. Not bad at all. Come, come, quickly come inside." A woman's voice approached, her hair coiled up, a golden jade hairpin accentuating her glossy black hair. She wore a silk dress embroidered with plum blossoms, simple yet perfectly complementing her elegance.
Seeing me at a loss for words, she cheerfully continued, "Oh, I'm Aunt Mei Hui, Chen Meihui. Come, come, this is my daughter Jingrui; she's two years older than you."
Bai Jingrui, I remembered. The girl who spoke to me in an unfriendly manner that Christmas. Her dark long hair brushed against her cheeks, the ends just reaching her shoulders. A string of pearl necklace on her neck couldn't outshine her fair and translucent skin. She wore a spaghetti strap dress, revealing her Eastern charm.
"Hello, Aunt Meihui, and Jingrui, hi there." "You're so polite now, hahaha. It's been so many years!" She teased me. "Yeah, hahaha. I'm really sorry." I scratched my head. "By the way, you've met before! At your Christmas party in Taipei! Ah, that was great! Well, New York is fantastic, but it lacks a familiar atmosphere. Now, with you coming often, we can finally gather more. We've been living here for many years. Both our families have been busy. Your dad is doing well now, working in a major hospital, about to be promoted to the director soon. Uncle Bai has been extremely busy lately, and unfortunately, he's not here today. But that's okay; we can all get together more often in the future. Taipei is also getting better now. The past is the past, and all those messy things are gone. And here we are, all in the United States. Look at me, once I start talking to you, I just can't stop. Don't stand at the door; come in and sit down." I had dinner at the Bai family's house, and I could feel that Aunt Chen really liked me. This was a good sign. I knew that relying on their family connections, along with Aunt Lijuan in Taipei, my debut was sure to go smoothly. After this visit, my mom had a serious conversation with me. She told me that dating Katherine was acceptable, but marriage was not. Firstly, Katherine's family offered no assistance for my musical future, and secondly, she was an American, creating a cultural gap. Moreover, if I pursued my career in Taiwan in the future, we would be separated.
After listening to these words, my head buzzed. I imagined another possibility—I wanted to go to Broadway or make music in New York. However, in such a vast city with so many people, where would I find a suitable stage? Perhaps my mom was right. However, I felt this contradicted my morals. Katherine was not just my lover but my close friend. She helped me when I was most ostracized, caring about my soul. That was my purest soul. But did I have the strength to make her happy? She always gave me strength, but what could I give her? All along, I only cared about what I wanted.
After that conversation, I flew back to Taipei, spending the entire summer with my grandmother in our old residence. I discussed the release of my debut album with Lijuan, who introduced me to Dragon, her recommendation. During the summer, my days were filled with social events and working on music at Dragon's company. When faced with such situations, I instinctively avoided them. My courage had depleted during childhood battles. Fortunately, I could still write letters to Yexi, though I became busier, struggling to express much in just a few words.
As summer ended and I returned to New York, Katherine brought up the idea of breaking up. She left me a note along with the golden earrings I had given her. The words didn't reveal any heartbreak, just a mention that we could still be friends, and she would always support me. I knew she was an independent girl, never imposing her emotions on me. I had grown accustomed to relying on her support, and over the years, we resembled more comrades than lovers. It seemed like I had never felt a passionate fervor for her. Despite this, we had accompanied each other through these years until parting ways. After her departure, I naturally grew closer to the Bai family, frequently dining with Bai Jingrui on weekends. Not because of my mother's urging, but my eagerness for the album project had taken precedence.
Until I was admitted to the graduate program at the Berklee College of Music, the Bai family finally provided me with the connections of their talent agency. In the last year of my graduate studies, I returned to Taipei once again. Together with Dragon, I completed the entire album. Lijuan took me to attend a crucial dinner party organized by the talent agency. After the event, we went to KTV.
In a private room adorned with black marble, the atmosphere was lively. I glanced around at the various shoes—red high heels, black Oxford shoes, and even wooden clogs. As I looked up, I saw a man with gold-rimmed glasses, dressed in a suit, exuding an elegant aura, sitting in the center of a black leather sofa. It was Song Yaowen, the president of Deji Records in Greater China. He beckoned me to sit beside him, suddenly changing his demeanor. He kissed my face, and in that moment, I didn't feel humiliation; I just felt a sense of melancholy. I quickly convinced myself that it was an elder expressing love for a younger one. I laughed along with him, attempting to take a sip of wine, but my lips stuck to my gums.
As the alcohol took effect, I found myself missing Yexi. That angelic figure surely wouldn't experience what I had gone through. I yearned to be closer to him, to be near his purity and sincerity, to be close to his genius, and let him guide me. My thoughts drifted, recalling the last letter from him, written several years ago. In that final letter, he mentioned participating in the Chopin International Piano Competition when he turned eighteen, which should be this year. The Chopin Competition took place every October, coinciding with his birthday month. He was certain to win the gold medal.
The night went on, with them still enjoying the revelry. I just wanted to leave as quickly as possible. Glass after glass, I was obliged to offer toasts. Song Yaowen sat upright, and vomit spilled from his mouth. I couldn't help but chuckle. Dragon and Lijuan, observing the scene, quickly assisted his secretary in helping him out. All I could think about was preparing a gift for Yexi. He would win the gold medal, and I wanted to give him something as precious as gold. Throughout the night, whether it was the effect of alcohol or something else, my vision was dazzling. A golden halo shimmered before me, and I guessed that it was God coming to cleanse my sins.
When I woke up, reflecting on the dream from the previous night, I decided to gift Yexi a golden ring. It would surely bestow him with power, much like the One Ring gave strength to Frodo. I always believed that Yexi possessed a purer soul than Frodo and would use this power wisely, just like his innate musical genius. As I contemplated this, someone knocked on my hotel room door. I opened it to find Dragon and Bai Jingrui. Dragon handed me a document— the contract for the album. I held the contract tighter, suppressing my excitement and nodding at Dragon. In my mind, I thought, "After signing the contract, I'll go to the department store to pick out a ring." Holding the pen, I quickly signed each page. When I reached the last page, I put the pen down and walked away.
"You're not going to check it carefully?" Dragon called after me.
"Just help me double-check it. I'll take a look later when I come back." I folded my hands in a praying gesture and nodded slightly, entrusting Dragon.
"You, kid, what's the rush?" Dragon reprimanded me as he sorted through the contract. "Alright, you come back soon. Mr. Song won't wait."
"Alright. I'll be back shortly." I tried to leave.
"Wait, I'll go with you," Bai Jingrui stopped me.
"Sure, I actually have something to ask for your help." I grabbed Bai Jingrui, and we walked out.
"What's the matter?" She turned to look at me.
"Could you help me with a trip to Warsaw? It's next month, in October. I'll buy the plane ticket for you. Just help me deliver something to someone."
"Who? Why so suddenly? Can't you go yourself?"
"Just signed a contract on my end, and things are bound to get busy. I'm really counting on you; consider it a favor I owe you."
"Alright, but you need to tell me exactly what you're sending and to whom."
"His name is Yexi, a pianist. Please help me deliver a lucky gold ring to him."