After recording several programs, I returned from Beijing to Chengdu. I rested for several days, and facing their interviews, I felt truly exhausted. I don't understand why they always like to ask me about emotional topics. Yes, the hosts are always "they." In their world, is it only love that can generate strong emotions, as if emotions can be transferred to artistic expressions from love? What is love? I have never thought about it. At least, it is indescribable for me. In my music, there is only emotion, not feeling. There is only beauty and ugliness, not good or bad. It's like when I think about Yan Feng, his face, his body, I am always intoxicated. I love his handsome appearance, his beauty that transcends culture and gender.
My dad came to the airport to pick me up. He just returned to Chengdu the day before yesterday. Seeing that I am about to take off after winning the Chopin Championship, he gradually shifted his focus back to Chengdu. He told me that perhaps he would sell the company next year and prepare to assist me in signing a record deal. For a moment, I didn't know whether to be happy or annoyed. I am very grateful to my dad for working so hard to earn money to support my piano studies these past few years. Therefore, he withdrew from my busy life. I feel strange about his return, a strange sense of intrusion comes over me, but I can only blame myself for being too harsh on him. Besides that, I can only accept his assistance.
Back home, my mom prepared a table full of dishes - parsley-flavored crucian carp, Mapo tofu, shredded pork in garlic sauce, stir-fried green beans with minced meat, dry-fried string beans, spicy chicken, and tomato fried egg soup. All of them are typical Sichuan home-cooked dishes, but they tasted exceptionally delicious to me. Thinking about the upcoming March tour in Japan, the August tour in the United States, and studying in Germany in September, I cherished this meal even more.
I sat on the couch, waiting for my mom to call me for dinner. Grandpa and grandma called me over. Grandpa praised me, holding my hand, while grandma hugged me and pushed my back, asking me to sit on the piano stool and play "Nan Ni Wan" for them. Sitting on the piano stool, memories of my childhood flooded back. I remembered the afternoons when I helped grandma with needlework, playing "Nan Ni Wan." In the final section, I seamlessly connected to Schumann's Fantasiestücke. In Schumann's childhood scenes, there was the company of Clara. In contrast, I spent most of my time alone. Fortunately, there was the love of my grandparents, the companionship of my mother, and Dai Yanzhi. Most importantly, there was Yan Feng. He was a friend like a shadow, and in the world of letters, we were like having a conversation with another self.
Now he has stepped out of the shadows, emerged from the negatives of my memory, and stood in front of me, looking so beautiful. As the last note fell, my face was already flushed. Thinking of him always made a fiery sensation coil around my waist.
"Xi Xi, what's wrong? Are you not feeling well? You're sweating so much." Grandma approached me, placing her hand on my forehead.
"It's okay, I just need to use the bathroom." I gently removed her hand and quickly walked towards the restroom.
My dad was coming out of the bedroom, and we collided. He steadied my shoulders with his hand, and my face grew even hotter. I lowered my head, afraid to meet his eyes.
"Why are you so hot? Could it be that you've been working too hard lately?" My dad pressed his forehead against mine, checking my temperature.
"It's nothing, I just need to use the restroom." I moved his hand away, entered the bathroom, and closed the door, breathing heavily. I splashed cold water on my face, trying to calm myself. Was this sudden impulse love or desire?
"Xi Xi, come out for dinner," I heard my mom's voice.
"Okay." Finally, I composed myself and opened the restroom door.
"Xi Xi, would you like to go to the hospital later?" My mom suggested.
"It's okay; maybe I've just been too tired lately. A good night's sleep will probably fix it." I approached the dining table and took a seat on the nearest chair.
"Come, Xi Xi, sit in the middle." Grandma offered me the seat closest to the dishes. I shifted my position and sat in the middle.
"Alright, everyone is seated. Raise your glasses to congratulate the great pianist, Ye Xi." I lifted my white wine glass, inviting my mom and grandparents to join in the celebration.
"Don't get too proud, okay? You need to practice the piano well every day." My mom smiled and said, "Can you have a little with dad? On such a happy day, it's okay to have a little. Dad, would you like some too?"
"Sure, sure, hahaha." Grandpa handed the glass to my mom to pour the wine.
"Okay." I also raised my glass. "By the way, I've decided to study abroad in Germany, at the Hannover University of Music, Drama, and Media."
After I said this, the whole family fell into silence. After a while, my dad raised his glass again.
"Double joy! Xi Xi, our ancestors are surely rejoicing!" My dad said with great excitement. My mom pulled his hand down.
"What school is that? Where in Germany is Hannover? Have you thought it through?" My mom expressed some concerns.
"Teacher Dan and Teacher Zhou are overseeing it. Don't worry too much. Classical music in Germany is the best – Bach, Mozart, Schumann, Beethoven – all these famous composers are German, as you know," I explained with a hint of impatience.
"Okay, you're eighteen now; you should make your own decisions," my mom set down her glass, picked up a piece of fish for me, and changed her expression. "Do you want Mom to accompany you?"
"No need, as you said, I'm eighteen now and should live independently," I instinctively replied.
"Going so far, we're still worried," Grandma added.
"Ah, you two have a narrow-minded view. Ye Xi is a boy; he should explore the world on his own sooner. Xi Xi, Dad supports you." I clinked my glass against mine.
"Alright, Ye Hua, you're right," my mom laughed again. "When you're there, study hard, don't pick up bad habits. I know many students from music schools are quite unruly. Also, you can have a relationship, but if it's with a foreigner, you need to consider if we can communicate with them."
Grandpa and Grandma burst into laughter. "I like the idea of a foreign daughter-in-law, it's fine, it's fine," Grandpa said, raising his glass and finishing it in one gulp.
I stayed silent, my face turning red again. A foreign daughter-in-law... was Yan Feng considered a foreigner? But he's a man. No, I won't marry him. People say first love is like the moonlight, beautiful at first but eventually becomes just a grain of rice on your face. I'll be like other men, get to know several girls, marry one of them, let her bear my children, and then keep Yan Feng in the depths of my heart. He'll become an unforgettable but unattainable first love, just like all the other men. Thinking about it made me a bit melancholic.
"Hahaha," I chuckled, trying to mask my feelings.
Dinner ended, and as usual, I spent 15 minutes in the shower. I've never been good with alcohol, and this time, drinking with my family, I got drunk. After hurriedly finishing my shower, I lay in bed early. In a daze, I saw a text from Yan Feng, "I miss you." "Today's meeting was really boring. A bunch of infatuated women talking about uninteresting things, and they even asked two questions that weren't in the script. Fortunately, I was prepared in advance." "Xi Xi, are you asleep? I miss you so much."
I replied, "I'm asleep."
"Who can reply to messages after falling asleep, silly fool."
"I'm tired! I'll call you tomorrow."
"Okay, goodnight. Kiss."
The melancholy from dinner lingered in my mind, and I found it hard to sleep in the dizziness of alcohol. It was an uncomfortable feeling. Thinking of Dai Yanzhi, maybe he knew some way to deal with this melancholy. In the midst of searching, I picked up my phone and sent him a message, "Are you free tomorrow? Let's have lunch at 5:00 pm, at the usual place."
"Sure, Master." He replied within a second. Seeing those four words, I drifted off to sleep with a sense of reassurance.
"You're amazing! The youngest ever winner of the Chopin Gold Award. Unprecedented!" Dai Yanzhi exclaimed, giving my back a hearty pat when he saw me. "If you're rich and noble, don't forget your friends. Don't forget us."
"Yeah, why would I ask you out if I forgot?" I teased.
"Why are you dressed like this?" He took off my sunglasses, and I quickly snatched them back and put them on.
"You know those people are crazy. I have to disguise myself a bit. The moment I get close to the music academy, I get chased and cornered. They're almost digging out my home address."
"So, you're treating me to this today? Noodles?"
"This is to keep a low profile," I gestured to him with a shushing motion.
"Indeed, the people at the music academy have gone crazy. They play your Chopin performance on a loop. Both men and women are going crazy for you. They even imitate you, wearing a gold ring. It's really hilarious."
"Ah, this." I turned the ring around. It was unexpectedly captured in a photo. Usually, I would take it off and keep it in the inner pocket of my clothes. I tried hard to recall where it might have been photographed. It should have been during the Chopin awards ceremony, my goodness.
"Where did you get this ring?" He casually and teasingly asked, "Are you in love?"
"You can see through everything." I had a lot of questions for him. I always trusted him the most, and he always kept his lips sealed. For instance, regarding He Tiantian, he would only convey messages and never reveal anything about me.
"Oh, really? My goodness." He seemed genuinely surprised. "Who is it?"
"I actually wanted to ask you some questions by inviting you out today."
"It's not a guy, is it?"
I remained silent.
"I guessed it again! Oh my, hahaha. But I should have thought about it earlier. Maybe you don't like girls. Otherwise, with beauties like He Tiantian, you'd be indifferent?"
"No, actually, I find her too tacky," I blurted out, feeling no remorse for the lack of politeness. "I'll tell you more later. First, tell me, can men have a lasting relationship with each other?"
"I don't know if it's lasting or not, but between men, it's definitely better than between men and women. Trust me. Can relationships between men and women last?"
He caught me off guard with that question, and I didn't know how to respond for a moment. He always easily answered my questions. Suddenly, I remembered Yan Feng's advice – if you're looking for an assistant, make sure they're familiar. I smiled at him, gesturing for him to sit at the bed's edge. The owner of the noodle shop, seeing us standing at the door for a while, made a sound and asked if we had decided what to eat. I nodded at the owner, then turned to Dai Yanzhi.
"I'm signing with a record company in March. Would you like to be my assistant or maybe my broker?"
"You're coming in hot with this. Assistant might work, but being a broker? I'm not sure about the business side of things."
"It's okay, we can learn together. If you agree, come to Japan with me."
I stared into his eyes, and he smiled, nodding in agreement.
March arrived as scheduled, and I boarded the plane flying from Beijing to Tokyo, this time in first class. Guided by the music association staff, Dai Yanzhi and I entered the VIP waiting lounge. Bright marble interiors, light-colored wooden partitions stood on the marble walls, with the ANA blue acrylic sign in the center. On the entrance console were three white porcelain vases, each holding white wooden hydrangea, iris leaves, and white camellia flowers, arranged in an artful manner. The receptionist at the front desk smiled at us, softly inquired about our flight information, and then led us into the lounge. The spacious and bright hall was covered with soft blue velvet carpet, Bauhaus-style leather seats neatly arranged. It was a vast lounge, with only our group present. An array of cold dishes adorned the marble tabletop, and colorful bottles sparkled on the stainless-steel shelf behind the bar, resembling a kaleidoscope. This was a brand new world. At this moment, I realized what winning the Chopin Gold Award truly meant. From now on, I wasn't just the king of my imaginary kingdom; I was a newly crowned king under the gaze of the public. I walked with a more relaxed stride, finding a seat by the window. Others followed behind me and sat down in an orderly manner.
At boarding time, we walked directly from the VIP lounge through the boarding gate. There was no one else but us five, and even the accompanying staff members were nowhere to be seen. Once on the plane, a flight attendant escorted me to my seat. I had never seen such spacious airplane seats. Not only could the seat angle be adjusted, but there was even personal storage space. As I sank into my seat, I couldn't see anyone else; there was only me. Fame is such a private affair. With just a boarding pass, I could be separated from everyone else.
"Hey! Hey! This is amazing! Forget being a broker; I'd be your attendant willingly! This is way more enjoyable than practicing the piano. Young Master," Dai Yanzhi's voice came from the backseat.
"Don't get too excited. Signing contracts can be very tricky. Hurry up and learn how to read them. You need to consult with legal services; you can't appear clueless. I'm going to sleep; touring is exhausting," I whispered to him, turning my head.
I lay down, picked up my phone, and sent a message to Yan Feng, "Boarded the plane. Will land in Tokyo in about three hours. Staying at the Park Hyatt Hotel. See you tonight."
We checked into the Park Hyatt Hotel in Tokyo. I arrived at my room on the 49th floor, and the enormous floor-to-ceiling windows seemed to overlook the entire empire. Soft light illuminated the black rosewood and canvas-interwoven walls. I imagined Yan Feng's face appearing within them, as beautiful as the paintings hanging in the room. The hotel staff knocked on my door, and I declined their dinner invitation, whispering to Dai Yanzhi, "He'll come later. Handle these people yourself for now."
"Ah, heavens. Why didn't you tell me earlier? I really want to see what this person looks like," he smirked.
"You'll have the chance to meet him. In fact, he'll be touring in Japan with me these days, just commuting at different times from us," I said, smiling as I greeted the music association teachers. "But let's not talk too much about it. I'm closing the door now."
I paced around the room, deciding to open a bottle of red wine from the mini-bar. At 8:23 in the evening, my phone rang.
"I'm downstairs. What room are you in?" it was Yan Feng.
"Come up by yourself. I can't come down. I'm on the 49th floor."
"Come on, I need to swipe a room card."
"Oh, okay. I'll be at the elevator on the 49th floor to help you get up. Don't hang up; tell me when you're in the elevator."
"Alright." After 30 seconds, "I'm in the elevator." His voice became hushed.
"Come on up; I pressed the down button."
The elevator floor display showed 2, 5, 15, 48 floors. After 20 seconds, the elevator doors opened, revealing several people inside. However, I only caught a glimpse of Yan Feng's face. He was dressed in a leather jacket, still wearing his Ray-Ban sunglasses, and carrying a backpack. It seemed like time had frozen, waiting for the others to exit the elevator. I then realized they were colleagues and Dai Yanzhi.
"You going down? Why are you standing there?" Dai Yanzhi walked out of the elevator, giving me a sideways glance.
I was momentarily tongue-tied. I glanced at Yan Feng, who pretended not to know me, and followed the others out of the elevator.
"Oh, nothing. I was thinking of asking the front desk to send up a bottle of water for me. It occurred to me at the elevator that I could just make a call. I don't need to go down; I'm heading back to my room," I quickly said without looking back, rushing towards my room.
"Hey, why are you walking so fast? I brought you dinner," Dai Yanzhi called after me.
I turned my head and waved at him, "I'll eat it later."
Entering the room, I pressed against the door, trying to catch the sounds outside. Suddenly, there was a thump, thump, thumping sound. I couldn't distinguish whether it was the beating of my heart or someone knocking on the door. Peering through the peephole, I saw it was Yan Feng, occasionally glancing to both sides. I immediately opened the door, pulling him into the room. The door slammed shut, and he embraced me tightly, cupping my face and passionately kissing my lips for about 5 minutes. He stopped, gazing outside. I turned my head; the city lights sparkled, and in the clear Tokyo night sky, a bright moon hung. I said to him, "The moonlight is truly beautiful tonight."