So I guess this is more so a major dilemma. I have a different mentality I guess and raise my sons with a different mentality then I believe most people have. This may be wrong and please leave me thoughts or comments or opinions and tell me how you guys would handle this.
My understanding is that my husband's mother who is my mother-in-law chose to have conversations with my husband's baby mama about my husband and my relationship, our pregnancy, and any issues that we are facing. I am upset because his baby mama has chosen to load her friends with all of that ammo and his mother gave her an entire arsenal of information that she should have never shared.
So now these women have gone to use social media to attack, insult, degrade, and belittle me and my husband. As well as they have threatened the life of myself and my unborn child that they know I am carrying that belongs to my husband.
When I addressed the issues of what was going on with my husband while he is in jail he said that he would handle those females. But when I got upset because he's focused on handling them but not addressing how they even got all the information they got he became extremely defensive. He then chose to defend his own mother while she loaded strangers in my eyes with an arsenal that they are now aiming at me and our unborn child.
So here's the dilemma. Is it acceptable for a man to pick his mother over his wife?
Because I have raised my sons that your spouse is someone you picked that is someone you promised to love, protect, and always defend and be there for. While your mother you did not get to pick God picked who your mother would be and the choices that she makes should have no effect on you as an adult. But if she makes choices that cause you as her son to need to defend her actions then maybe she should not be being defended at all and should be distanced until she can learn what to do and what not to do.
There have been many at times in my life that I did not like my son's girlfriends. But my sons stood up for their girlfriends whenever it was their mom verse their girlfriend and I respected that. I actually loved that they were willing to honor that relationship and put it first because that was what was important. I will always be their mother and that will never change. But if being forced to pick between your mother and your spouse I feel as if you should always pick your spouse.
Your spouse is supposed to be someone that stands beside you for all the days of your life. You guys may have children together someday and need to always stay on the same page of the same book so that your morals, ethics, and mentality are always in alignment with each other. So to pick your mother's side over your wife's is just a sign of disrespect to your wife, to your marriage, to your future with your wife, and to everything that you guys could create in the future. It's like a slap in the face to your wife telling her that she will never be as important to you as your mother is so in my opinion you should have never married her and should divorce her immediately if your mother will always be more important then your wife.
Hopefully most people have never been put in that position to have to pick. But there have been many couples that have had issues with their in-laws in which they had to pick their spouse or their family. Not saying this is the first time that she has done this behavior this is actually the third and I cut her off the second time she did it after I addressed it with her and told her to stop doing that exact behavior. So apparently she has disregarded me respectfully asking her to stop and has no regard for how it affects me as her daughter-in-law or my children (her grandchildren).
So I feel as if my husband is going to always take his mom's side then it is best for us to divorce and part ways so that there is no more issues of her exerting this kind of behavior that I do not agree with, I do not like, and that angers and upsets me. And it's not even like the behavior just affects only me and my children but it is publicly posted because of her speaking about something that wasn't her business to tell to someone who used it in a vengeful manner. Which would not have ever happened if she would have listened to my warnings the first two times. But it is apparent to me that the behavior is not going to change no matter how many times it is addressed. And I do not like giving three chances...
So is giving my husband an ultimatum wrong?
Should I just endure the behavior and deal with the consequences of her repetitive disregard for our family?
Or should my husband and I call it quits and let him marry someone who is willing to withstand the turmoil his mother is making?