I slowly walked up to Jimin's bedroom, looking at my surroundings constantly as if looking for someone who's watching me. Obviously not finding anything as it was already 2:34 A.M.
I decided not to knock in case Jimin was asleep and just went inside, after that horrendous experience with the bathtub and the last time I slept in my own bed I was far too scared. I wanted to be with someone, and that someone was Jimin.
I carefully and quietly made my way to Jimin's bed, hearing his soft and almost unnoticeable snores made me want to stay as quiet as possible as to not wake him up.
I slowly got into bed with him, spooning him immediately and allowing the mattress to sink underneath my weight. I buried my face into his neck and sniffed him, once again being able to smell every slightest thing on his body.
His vanilla flavoured body wash being the strongest, then his peppermint toothpaste, but most of all Taehyung. Just like when I smelled Taehyung and Jimin was most prominent, now Taehyung is most prominent on Jimin's body.
I could smell traces of the others too, but they were all old, indicating he hadn't let anyone touch him in the last three days at least. The highest smell being Namjoon on his back. I could almost see an outline of Namjoons hand, he probably briefly touched his back maybe to comfort him. With Taehyung earlier it seemed like Namjoon had pet his hair or ruffled it, how come Jimin wouldn't let anyone besides Taehyung touch him?
Taehyung's smell seems fresh, about twenty four hours, while the rest of the scents are easily three days.
I ignored my overthinking and slowly fell asleep, even tho the other scents were distracting, I still managed to focus on Jimin's. Which was the main reason I came here, to smell the comfort his pheromones bring.
(Jimin's POV)
(The night Jungkook 'died')
As I was sobbing into Taehyungie's chest I could see Namjoon and Hoseok carrying Jungkookie out of my room, I can't even begin to describe the pain I felt at that moment.
My baby, he's gone. He's really gone, hes my everything, I was just getting used to being his. And now he's gone, I couldn't even breathe. I felt like I was being strangled. I felt like something was squeezing my chest. It made me sick. I felt like I was going to throw up, and that's exactly what I did. I don't even know how managed to get to the potted plant before getting sick all over the floor.
I couldnt feel my face, or my legs, or my arms. All I could focus on was the disgusting feeling of puking everything I had in my stomach out. The only thing I could feel was my heart literally splitting up and breaking into thousands of peaces. The feeling of bricks being stacked onto my lungs.
I don't even know how I ended up in the bathroom of Taehyung's room, Taehyung was helping me brush my teeth, I seemed to have been completely unresponsive. The moment I came back to it I broke down crying, I couldn't even manage to stay on my own two feet as I ended up on the floor while Taehyung hugged me and tried to calm me.
This time I wasn't screaming and sobbing like before, I was just silently crying, soft sobs every once in a while. I could see a completely blank expression on Taehyung's face. Makes sense, he probably blocked off his own emotions so he could take care of mine.
It's impressive how easily he can just switch his emotions on and off, if he doesn't want to feel something he just turned it off. Right now he was turning off the pain of losing his friend, I'm not sure what their relationship is. I know they cared about each other, but the hate overwhelmed that. So I wasn't sure how much he'd be suffering if he had kept his emotions, but I hope to dear god he won't go threw the pain I'm feeling right now.
It feels like my heart is physically being ripped out of my chest, I could feel Taehyung gently taking my chin and lifting it up. I felt his lips pressing against mine, and a soft voice, "I'm here.... I'm right here.." In the state of panic and pain I was in, I somehow managed to hear that in Jungkookies voice.
Somehow instead of Taehyung I registered my dead baby brother speaking to me. His voice is so beautiful. I always loved hearing his voice. Even if half the time it was used to say some kind of dumb bullshit or to insult my height. I still loved it so much.
I wrapped my arms around whom I thought was Jungkook and kissed him deeply, thinking back its unfair of me to completely ignore the effort Taehyung is putting into helping me and simply just imagining what I wanna see.
But I didn't even realize, "It hurts so much..." I whispered threw kisses, my brain was completely mush and I wasn't thinking straight at all.
In my mind Taehyung meant Jungkook, and Jungkook meant getting on top of Taehyung and wrapping my legs around his waist. Kissing him as passionately as I possibly could and somehow getting aroused.
How the fuck am I even real, who looses the best friend and only brother they've ever had and starts imagining having sex with him. Me apparently.
Cause even though I could hear Taehyung begging me to stop I still managed to get him inside of me, I wish I could remember more. I wish my mind didn't cut out so many parts of this memory.
It's all in clips, I'm kissing him, I'm hugging him, and suddenly he's crying and begging me to get off him, saying things like, "I can't do this right now" "please don't" "I don't want to feel good when it hurts this bad", but the one that stood out the most was, "I can't love you anymore.."
But I didn't register any of them, I was simply making unholy noises while hopping up and down on Taehyung, he wasn't physically trying to stop me. In fact his hands were tight on my waist, making me realize he was severely overwhelmed by being in emotional pain but physical pleasure. It must've been so confusing, the poor baby. Why would I do this to him? How could I even think of having sex while my brother just died?
Out of everything that happened that night I could remember maybe ten minutes, the rest was all blank.