"So, what exactly is the point of this?" I ask, standing at Taehyung's fishes 'funeral', it's a goddamn fish for fucks sake. It forgot him every three seconds, it's not like you can make memories with it.
"Jungkook, I made you come here for moral support, if you're gonna be like that then just leave." Jimin spat at me, "It's a fish, it didn't even know you! Forgetting your ugly face and getting jump scared constantly is probably what killed it."
Jimin turned to me and slapped me harshly across my face, surprised isn't a word good enough to describe how utterly shocked I was.
"Say one more fucking thing, just one more Jungkook!" He yelled at me, Taehyung luckily quieted him down by holding his waist and demanding hugs, Jimin still glared at me but nonetheless hugged Taehyung who looked at me with pleading eyes.
"Go fuck yourself." I mouthed to him, what? I'm not going to comfort a grown ass man over a fucking fish, he's probably just doing it for attention anyway. Oh wait, it's two fucking fishes funerals. Yay, how exciting.
His eyes got teary again and his eyes just got more and more puppy, it's so fucking annoying. I can't stand him, and now I'm forced to sit here at a stupid fishes funeral. I have better things to do with my time you know, I can't exactly name those things but I'm sure they exist.
Taehyung pushed Jimin away and walked past him basically ignoring him now, he came towards me and opened his arms asking me to hug him. I made a gagging motion and pushed him to the side, "I'd rather walk off a cliff then hug you, especially over a bloody fish."
Jimin got in my way and stopped the path, "Two fish mister, and im pretty sure there's a cliff just outside of town, I'll even drive you." He warned me, "Humpff." I scoffed and reluctantly stomped back to Taehyung.
I harshly grabbed his waist and pulled him into me, he let out a cutesy giggle that made me want to retract my previous actions and actually walk off that cliff Jimin said he'd take me to. He buried his head into my chest and I could hear him smelling me, fucking weirdo.
"Alright, you have your damned hug now let go." I say coldly pushing him off of me, without saying anything else I stormed off back inside before Jimin could try any funny business to get me to give him 'moral support' for a damn fish. Oh sorry, my bad again, two damn fishes.
After about two hours I heard Jimin storming into my bedroom, "You insensitive, self obsessed, fucking ass twat of a disgrace! Have you no remorse?!" He yelled at me slamming the door shut, "It's a fish Jimin hyung, he'll get over it." I defend half-heartedly not really caring, then I looked up at him and saw his eyes watering. 'Is this fuck serious rn?' I thought to myself as I looked at him judgementally.
"I-is- ...." He tried to say but seemed to stop himself, "Was it because if me?! D-did.... Did I make you uncomfortable? Was it because of me?" He seemed to have hesitated a lot but finally blurted his question. I was confused but didn't want to laugh at him so I calmly asked, "You wanna blame yourself for me not wanting to be a part of a fishes funeral? Damn, you have a talent, you always find something to hurt yourself over. Even a fucking fish- I keep forgetting, two fishes."
"Well then- then what is it?! Why were you like that! First you beat up Taehyungie for the slightest thing, then you straight up throw me away and start a fight with Namjoon and now you're acting like this! I dont- I don't even know what to do anymore, Jungkook. Why are you acting like this towards him?! Because youre in love with him isn't it!"
"Have you ever had the thought that maybe I'm just a bad person?" I chuckled at his outburst, I have a habit of not acknowledging it when I actually fuck things up, so I tried to just laugh it off, "No, you're not! You're the most amazing person that nobody will even bother befriending because you have a traumatic history with your family and have a bitchy resting face. And now you're using that as an excuse to treat Taehyung like he doesnt mean shit to you! At least have the decency to admit you act like that to him because you're in love with him." He demanded, continuing to yell at me. The fuck is this new obsession that I'm in love? I literally hate the guy, and now he's accusing me to be in love with the person I struggle to keep myself from strangling daily.
"No, Jimin, I love you. You're forgetting the endless cycle of us two fighting since we were kids. I've always been like that towards him and Im not acting any different then I always do. You give me too much credit and think of me as the best baby that ever existed just because you don't want to admit you're part of the reason Im like this." No.
You shouldn't have said that.
There's something wrong with you.
Why would you say that to him.
What's the problem in your fucking head.
Why would you say that.
Jimin gasped hearing the last thing I said, his face was in complete shock.
You ruined everything.
You're always like this to him.
He doesn't deserve this.
Jimin slowly backed away from me as he let himself cry, then before I could even mutter an apology he turned around and left. Ashamed of my own words I couldn't even stop him
"I'm so sorry.... I didnt mean I turn out like this....." I whispered to myself, he was probably already down the hallway by now and no way he could've heard me. But I couldn't manage to say it to his face.
I couldn't manage to look at him.
I couldn't manage to even keep my eyes open as I felt like I was dying on the inside.
I couldn't hold my head up as I felt my body was going numb.
The next time I could register what was going on I was completely alone somewhere in a forest, I must've blacked again.
I don't remember anything and my head is pounding, I can also feel a stinging pain in my neck but it was too dark to see what it was so I assumed I just hurt or cut myself again.
"Hyung?...." I mumbled noticing I was already walking around? Usually I'd wake up, not already be active and walking around.
I tried to stabilise myself as my arm throbbed in pain, I grabbed with my right hand and squeezed it tightly trying to put pressure on it and numb the pain.
I continue walking around helplessly trying to call for anybody to help me or tell me where I am, but my voice refused to go louder then a whisper, even as I screamed I could hear nothing from my throat.
I walked for hours, hoping to a god I didn't even believe in for one of the hyungies to notice I'm missing and come looking. But no, no one cares, do they? Nobody would miss me if I never came out of this damned forest.
Wait.
I know this forest.
It's the forest behind my old middle school, I used to come here after school to get away from my parents. I started running towards the familiar old abandoned playground of the orphanage I used fantasize about. Ironic ain't it? Other orphans fantasize about having families, I fantasized about not having one. I thought then I wouldn't bother anyone and id be happier knowing I'm not burdening my dad and I'd not know why my mum never wanted me.
I gasped for air as it was running out, the fick fog making it harder and harder to breathe, I collapsed on the sand where the soil is too dead and poisoned to even grow grass.
As my body crashed into the dirty sand I shot up in my bed, complete darkness taking over the already gloomy room as I pant covered in my own sweat.
Immediately burst into tears realizing it was just a dream, for a moment I thought I was back to being that lonely little boy who's only safe place was a place of dead children too unfortunate to have their own families.
Looking back at how I envied those children instead of appreciating my home, I was ungrateful. I shouldnt have wasted my childhood wishing for something different, I should've showed them I was good enough. I should've done something better. I should of been better.
As I layed cuddled underneath my blankets silently sobbing plugging my mouth with my hands as a habit to not be too loud, I could still feel that stinging pain in my shoulder. I swung the covers open and quickly sprinted to the open the light before some kind of monster in the dark could get to me. Somehow as a grown adult I still believed in those monsters you run from up the stairs after closing all the lights down stairs a child.
I flung myself in front of the mirror ripping the shirt off my body to try and see where the intense pain is coming from, I saw two puncher marks. Did that bitch inject something into me without my permission? He did a terrific job didn't he? Not even being able to find a vein and doing such a bad job.
I'll be honest it's not like Taehyung though, he's usaully a perfectionist, he does everything right the first time 'round. And he did it in my neck too, why didn't he just do it in my arm? It was probably painkillers, so why did he inject it to my neck? And why does it ache this much if it's from killers?
I stomped out of my room and to Taehyung's, still covered in sweat and not bothering with a t-shirt as I was mildly infuriated by the unwanted injections. I flung his unlocked door open, I saw him shooting up from his bed with a small yelp as I frightened him by the sudden loud noise.
He whimpered slightly as I stomped to him and he tried to hide away from me, from his perspective I was probably a big scary silhouette since the light from the hallway was the only source of light and he probably couldn't see my face.
I grabbed him by his pajama shirt getting close in his face, with a threatening tone in my voice i whispered, "Fucking touch me with your damned needles again and see what I'll do to you."
He continued whimpering in fear, in a small as trembling voice he stuttered my name questioningly, "J-j-jungkookie...? What needle?...."
I could feel his body tremble in fear as he probably haven't registered what was going on, but I wasnt about to care about his feelings. I felt violated, I don't even know why. But it felt like I could feel whatever he put in me throbbing and moving around my veins. It was honestly disgusting.
"Whatever the fuck you injected into me while I was asleep! What the fuck is it even?!" I raise my voice slightly but was honestly scared myself, still shaken up from the nightmare.
But his next words made my heart stop.
"Jungkook, I didn't inject anything into you."