It was a usual day, and I was once again engrossed in work. It was already noon; I was not feeling hungry, but I had to eat something, at least for the sake of it. Thomas cautioned about me ending up in the hospital, and he swore he would appoint a babysitter for me. That was the shittiest thing as a grown-up I heard, and I cringed when he gave me a look that I was fucking serious. In return from that day, I swore to myself that, at least for sake, I should be active and alive, active for Thomas's sake and alive only for Gray's sake.
I started gulping the food, and meanwhile, I was checking my cell. There was a notification from one of the detectives whom I had appointed way before. In fact, till now, I don't know how many people I have hired in search of Gray. When I opened the notification, there was an image that looked like an article. I zoomed in and started reading the content. If I am not mistaken, it was some local newspaper. It was an article about a farmer and his latest achievement. What caught my attention in the article was the name of the man. He was successful in growing a flower that was rare and only grown in a particular area and in particular humidity. The guy's name was Grayson Russell, 33 years old.
I was staring at the article, zooming in and out to get something out of it. My sole attention was on the name and age perfectly matching, but there was no picture of the man. My heart was racing by reading the name again and again, and my hopes were up. It was too soon, and I can't help it. It can be anyone. Russell's surname these days was too familiar, and the name too, but still, I wanted to be him.
I called the number immediately, and he gave me possible information that he had collected. He was able to collect only the country and the place where this newspaper was circulated. That was enough before it was too late. I should act soon. By transferring the money, I told him to collect every detail and update me immediately, to which he obliged.
I was feeling relieved, and again, it was too soon. Nothing was confirmed yet; based on name and age, we can't conclude anything. Still, I was feeling some relief. I received a notification from the same detective informing me that he had already contacted someone who would be after the article guy, and he was catching an evening flight. By replying as ok, I closed my eyes.
Maybe I should have gone by myself, and I would not dare accept the disappointment if it were not Gray. For so many years, I was facing the same. By this time, I should have been accustomed to the disappointment, but I haven't. The pain at the end of the day always haunts me for days together. The rest of the day went in vain, no matter what. I couldn't concentrate on anything, so I left early.
After reaching the mansion, I started googling about the information the detective had shared. He was staying miles away from me in a small village, not even in a city. What the hell was he doing there? In a small village, in a different country? How the hell did everything end up so easy? How he got everything else, like starting over in a different country, was not fucking easy, and by escaping.
Was he even Gray? Why the hell am I dwelling so much without even confirming anything? But a mere article of the same name makes me feel so many things at once. I am trying my best to stay calm, but nothing is in my control; only his name is affecting me so much. God, a hand was on my face, implicating how foolish I was.
I was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, and then checking the cell. Nothing from that guy; he might be still on the plane. How many more hours do I have to go through this? Alarming myself, it was nothing, but my heart got its own mind, giving every positive vibe, which made me restless.
The next day, I made my way to the company. I tried to divert myself through work. Somewhat, it was working, and it was not. Still, no news from that detective, whether he had reached or not. Why the hell was his cell switched off? Geez, every fucking thing is happening at the perfect time. It was lunchtime, and I gulped down the food.
There was a meeting with the finance manager, and I couldn't ignore it, and Thomas was busy. I made my way to the meeting room. It was an important meeting regarding the budget, and even if I wanted to, I couldn't divert my mind by switching off the cell. I took my seat.
The meeting went on until late in the evening. By the time I was done, it was 8 p.m. After entering the cabin, I switched on my cell. Notifications started bombarding; it was not new. I ignored everything. There were miscalls from the detective, followed by so many messages. For some reason, my heart was flipping. I opened the message, and I froze for a few seconds. I was not sure how to react. This was the result I had been expecting for many years, and when I got it, everything went blank. Why the hell were tears welding up? Why the hell did my throat go dry? I was not able to open my mouth. I am trying, but I can't.
I collapsed on the nearby chair, and by placing my hands on my face, I started crying. I don't know how many minutes, but I was not able to control myself. The same detective called me. By wiping the tears and adjusting my voice, I received the call. He poured out whatever information he had collected and asked me what next.
Right, what next? I was mute for a few seconds and completely blank. He was still waiting for my reply. By replying to him that I was going to contact him soon and informing him to keep an eye on Gray, I disconnected the call.
I was staring at my cell. I never gave a thought to this question. How to deal with him after finding him. Would he come back if I asked him? Like, heck, he would. His reaction after seeing me: would he stab or chop me? I don't really care if he does anything, but what if he doesn't want to deal with me anymore? What if he doesn't want to see me? What if he doesn't want to come back? What if he moved on and had someone? Would I be able to digest it? There were so many what-ifs flooding through my mind.
These many years, I solely concentrated on finding him and didn't give a dam to any. After only a few hours of flight, I would be in front of him, and here I am contemplating taking the next step.
He successfully hid these many years with the sole intention of never coming back. If I am not wrong, dealing with him now will be fucking harder than before. Every time with him will be a fucking roller-coaster, always harder and harder. I have to plan this thoroughly. No step should be taken until I am completely satisfied with my plan.
Dealing with Gray is always a hard and challenging task for me.
The next day, I received another set of details about Gray. The detective mentioned that he was staying single, but that has not yet been confirmed. It was only a day; how the hell was he going to confirm?
It took a week, but everything was taken care of. The whole week, I tried my best not to do anything stupid. My fingers would always be urging me to call my guards and inform them to prepare for the flight, but I tried not to, not until everything was ready.
I was on the flight, and in a few hours, I would be in front of Gray. Still, I felt restless for so many reasons, and to face him after five years. It's been fucking five years. I want him back at any cost, and I am not going to trade this chance. By swearing those words within me, I tried to get some sleep, and I should have known better; I was not that lucky. I don't want to get any when I am this close to him.
I was surprised when Mr. and Mrs. Gonsalves called me over dinner. They are friendly by nature, and they informed me that they have some announcements to make. I was looking after their farm, so it must be about the same.
We were at the dining table, and Mrs. Gonsalves served me my favorite dishes. I started having the same when Mr. Gonsalves informed me that he sold the whole farm, which was acres together. I was shocked, obviously, thinking about my job. He chuckled at my reaction, and furthermore, he added that he had informed the new owner not to remove anyone. I nodded my head in relief. He told me that the price he got blew his mind. He got fucking three times higher than the market price, and who in the right mind would miss this opportunity. I was thinking, who the hell would be crazy to spend so much three times my goodness?
After finishing the dinner and bidding goodbye to the Gonsalves', I made my way home. For the past few days, I started feeling creepy, like eyes were on me, which I felt way before. Every fucking thing was stopped. Again, what the hell with these feelings? Is it only my imagination? I pray for the same.
The next day, I was at the land inspecting the soil after fertilizing it. After a few minutes, five to six expensive cars were making their way. I was shocked for a few seconds, and yesterday's Mr. Gonsalves statement hit me.
The cars were stopped on the road, and I was only a few feet away. Maybe the same person who purchased the land came to do a survey or something. I didn't give it much thought and continued with my work. I heard the car door opening, and it was closed, which caught my attention, and I froze on the spot.
I went numb for a few seconds and blinked my eyes just to cross-confirm. He started walking toward me, and I was concreted on the spot, and my body was stiffened. My mind was in chaos, like how on earth this is happening; it was fucking impossible. I was fucking far away, like miles away, but still, he found me. I cursed at the power that he held from the bottom of my heart. Like anything matters at this moment.
He was near, not in front of me, a few meters away from our backs facing each other. We were in the same position for a few minutes, and it felt like hours together. I was patiently waiting for every fucking backup plan that he had come up with.
"Gray, I am the new owner of this land. I own everything. 2000 employees are working over here, and it's in your hands whether I want to let them continue or not. 2000 families' well-being will be based on the decision that you are going to take. At this point, I don't care for anything, and I fucking won't give a second thought before removing them. I have taken care of your things, and everything is packed. The plane is waiting; we should get going."
That was it. Once again, I surrendered. Everything was going to get fucked up because of him.
I didn't utter a word. He started walking toward the car, and by taking a long breath and once again glancing at my surroundings I was following him.
We were on the plane in no time, and I was facing the window. Joshua was beside me. Snacks were placed in front of me with wine. I took a bite of the same wine glass in my hand, still digesting everything. I couldn't believe it. I was going back. I bid my final goodbye five years ago and swore not to return in this life, which was not as successful as usual.
This is not happening, yet this is happening. I never fucking dreamt of this. I was fucking away, like miles away. I wanted to shout to vent my emotions, but I chose to be silent. Every fucking thing that I had forgotten started engulfing me. Every fucking memory.
I wanted to end everything, and I ended it in my own way. How the hell have things turned out this way? I don't want to deal with him anymore. I permanently cut ties with him. Why the hell am I still sitting beside him, going to his hell?
The pain. The scar on my chest part always reminds me of the horror incident that I had gone through and the after-effects of the same. I remember every fucking thing word for word. I had given up, and once again, he got his way around me.
Tears that were welding threatened to flow, and I didn't let any.
Without my knowledge, the hold on the wine glass was tighter. Joshua, by placing his hand over mine, took the wine glass from my hand. I didn't turn to face him or utter a word; I was still dazed. I am trying my best to accept reality.
The touch that I had long forgotten still had power over me. It was a simple touch.
At the same time, I was hating myself for not overcoming anything. I was masking everything. I was successful at this point, proving I was not.
The plane landed, and the car was waiting for us. I was following him, and we were in the car, still in a daze.
We reached the mansion. Every memory was overwhelming. After entering the mansion, I thought of choosing the same guest room. He would get his way at some point, and I made my way straight to his room, and I knew he was following me.
After entering, I was in the shower to vent everything out. I couldn't hold it anymore. The cold water was the best thing I needed at this moment. I don't know how many minutes or hours, but I was in the shower without doing anything by closing my eyes. I hate being vulnerable and pushing for it. Each and every time, it was because of someone, and the consequences would be borne by me.
I hate my feelings, which are cursed for me in every way.
After getting one by wrapping the towel, I came out and saw Joshua, who was resting his back against the wall. He made his way to the shower, and I made mine to the closet.
After changing into night pants, I was on my side of the bed. The shower was stopped, and he came out. I felt his presence beside me before I knew he was hugging me by placing his chin over mine. The hug was suffocating me way too much, and I thought of pushing him away from me, but I was not in a state of mind to do anything.
I felt water droplets pass through my nose to my opposite cheek. I felt a few more, and I confirmed it was not water droplets.
I hated everything that was happening and forcefully making me go through the same.