Chapter 7 - 7

"I'm going to get dressed," I say, hurrying upstairs to Micah's room. I'm crying and I don't want anyone to see me like this. I don't want them to see me be weird about watching Mr Williams getting dressed to go on a date with another woman.
I'm green with envy. I don't want anyone to touch him. I want to go back to last night when he was drunk and calling me beautiful. I take it all back. I don't want him to stop pursuing me. I want him to try to get close to me. I want his attention on me. You don't realize what you have until it's gone and I'm a little too late.
"Landon?" I know it's him at the door. I want to open the door and at the same time keep it closed. I slide down to the hardwood and hide my face in my hands. Fuck. What is this? Why couldn't I just be a normal girlfriend?
"I don't have to go out on a date with anyone," he says to me. "Not if you don't."
I mean, what am I doing? I should be good. The good girlfriend that everyone says I am. I wipe my face. "No, you should put yourself out there. It'll be good for you."
He doesn't say anything. For a second I'm afraid that he went downstairs. "Don't say that..."
"I mean it, though." I think I forgot how to breathe in that moment. I've never wanted something so much in my entire life. But, at the same time, I've been forced to come to terms with the idea that I'll never be able to have it for myself. That it's just an ideal. Not all love is attainable. "You shouldn't have to be in a back and forth relationship with someone you're never going to get a chance to be with."
"And that's the way you feel?" he ask me. "That we're never going to get a chance to be with each other?"
"Yes," I say.
When I get downstairs, everyone is dressed and ready to leave. Ashlae's found some art event on Instragram one of her friends from university is hosting in town and has decided it would be the perfect place for her dad to mingle with hopeful singles.
I share a car with Micah. Ashlae and Shay carpools with Mr Williams. I'm annoyed the whole way there and I can't even tell anyone why I'm upset. I play my Spotify playlist loud enough for Micah's voice to be inaudible over the noise. I'm too immature to tell him that I don't feel like talking and I hope he gets the memo.
"What's wrong?" he asks me, turing down the music. He places his hand on my thigh. His fingers draws circles into my skin. It's his way of calming me down. "We don't have to go out if you don't feel like it."
How do I tell him that all I want to do is go to this stupid art event and sabatoge every possible relationship his dad could have with any women in the forseeable future. My problem is that I want to go and that means I still care. I still care even though I told him I didn't because there is obviously something wrong with me.
"Hey, guys." We meet Ashlae's freind Margo at the entrance of the building. She's with her girlfriend Vick. "I'm so excited for you to be here. I've been trying to get Ashlae to see the show for ages."
"What do you mean?" Shay asks Margo. He's obviously confused about the fact that Ashale never even mentioned Margo's art event--like ever.
"Yeah, really," Micah says. "This place is really nice. We would have seen it sooner if Ashlae had told us about it."
Micah is holding my hand. I want to stay as far way from him while I feel the way I do, but he's enjoying himself and I don't want to spoil his fun. I don't want my bad mood to rub off on him. He needs to feel like nothing is the matter.
"What do you think, Landon?" Margo asks me. I've met Margo a few ttimes while Micah and I visited Ashlae on her university campus. She came to my birtthday party the year before.
"Yeah," I say. I'm sure she can tell that I'm completely distracted. "It's a really cool place. How long is the event running for?"
"It finishes this weekend," she answers.
"We made it just in time then," Mr Williams says.
Margo pauses. "I don't think we're formally met."
"Roman Williams," he says to her, offering his hand in greeting. "Ashlae and Micah's father."
She shakes his hand. "Nice to meet you, I'm Margo and this is my girlfriend Vick."
"Nice to meet the both of you," Mr. Williams says.
"Do you mind showing me where the restrooms are?" Micah asks. Everyone laughs at his ridiculousness.
"Yes, of course," Vick says. She tries her best to hold her laugh. "This way."
The rest of us goes inside and gets some drinks. We have a seat at one of the tables. Ashlae asks Margo about her plans for the rest of the summer holidays.
"You know, the usual," she says. "I've got a job this summer. I'll be hosting events like these for the next few weeks."
"Doesn't that mean you won't really be seeing any of Vick then?" Shay asks her.
Margo nods. "Yeah. I mean, things has been kind of tough for us lately."
"Aww, baby." Ashlae reaches across the table and grabs Margo's hand. "Do you want to talk about it? Or do you just want to drown all of your sorrows instead?"
"I don't know," she says, running her hands through her chocolate curls. "I think I'm ready to talk about it."
"Whenever you're ready, babe," Ashlae says.
"Vick met someone," she says. She looks down into her lap, fiddling with her napkin. I can tell that it's taking a lot for her to open about it.
Mr Williams looks at me. His green eyes are wild. I look away from him. This wasn't the same. There was nothing about what we had going on between the two of us that was anything like Margo and Vick's situation.
"What do you mean? Like she cheated?" Ashlae is livid.
"I mean, we talked about it...and it's okay. What she feels for Olivia doesn't change the way she feels about me. I know it sounds insane, but...we've come to an agreement. We've been together for such a long time and all I want is for her to be happy. I don't want her to live her life regretting our relationship. I want her to have fun. Discover herself. I won't force her to stay away from Olivia. The Vick I know and love is still inside her and she'll find me again when she's ready," Margo says. She wipes her eyes. Ashlae crouches by her chair and helps her clean her face.
Mr Williams's stare is smoldering. Everything Margo said...
I get up from my seat. Micah and Vick are making their way to our table. He tries grabbing my wrist, but I pull away from him. "I'm sorry," I manage.
I lock myself in a stall in the restroom. I'm about to cry and all at the same time I want to scream. Why are things so easy for people like Margo and Vick? Micah would never allow me to be with Roman. I wouldn't allow myself to do it. It's not the same.