February 2021
I make my way across campus with Roman and Ashlae to the PR and Communications faculty office. I get my timetable printed and a list of all of my classes and computer labs. Ashlae and Roman introduced me to the I'm famous Micah who has Shay with him. They talk about gaming the entire way to his residence off campus. The fabled Jackson's Court. It's a quaint brick building along the main road.
We help Micah carry all his bags to the fifth floor of the building. Ashlae bought a bottle of cool drink with her and we sat on the floor and passed the bottle around. She invites me to go clubbing with them the next weekend.
"Stop forcing everyone to be like you," Micah yells across the room.
"Literally, you're just jealous because you're boring and Landon likes me better," Ashlae says.
"Landon is not your new pet. Behave. Ashlae, you've got a class in thirty minutes---you should get going. And Micah! Your clothes aren't going to unpack itself. I hope you're going to enjoy having to take care of my son for the next semester, Shay," Roman says to them. Right. Dad mode. I can't help the blush that colours my face. I get up from my seat and try and help them clean up a bit.
"I should probably leave, too," I say to Roman. "Thank you so much for having me and helping me find my way around campus."
Roman insists on giving me a lift home. I don't say anything in the car. Ashlae steals a ride with us back to campus. Then he drives me home. He parks in front of my house. We sit in silence. I don't know if it's the appropriate time to ask him for his phone number or if I should just leave it because it's weird now. I've met his kids and Ashlae and I are practically friends at this point. I'm closer in age to her brother than her dad. I should spend time with people my age. Right?
He's staring then. "I'm sorry about dragging you across campus. Micah's never planned anything again in his life. I'm usually the one who keeps his head above water. Telling them what their day is looking like. I...I hardly even have any time for myself," he breathes.
I touch his forearm. "I had fun. You don't have to apologise about it. Ashlae is really fun and Micah's a sweetheart. I'm sure he'll find his way eventually. He just needs to get a little more comfortable with being away from the house and stuff."
"You're right. I'm just stressed...I'm a bit of an empty nester. I suppose I'm one of those adults who spent so much time building their family and made the mistake of distancing themselves from their friends. I'm going home to an empty house for the first time in almost twenty-two years," he says.
"That's intense. I've never even slept in a room by myself, so I can relate--deeply," I say to him and I don't know where I'm going with this. The day feels like those terribly long days in a rom-com that I hate, but can now understand why it's so attractive at the moment. I like him so much I almost don't want any of this to end and the day can go on for as long as it pleases because I don't have the confidence to ask for his number and I just need a little more time to get there.
He doesn't want this to end. That's what I tell myself then. He's looking at me and I don't know what to do with myself. I hate this. I hate this about us... All these years and nothing changes. There's always something holding us back. "I should let you go. I've stolen your entire day. You probably have things you need to get to."
"I really don't---" My phone buzzes in my pocket. I feel around helplessly because, so help me God, I don't remember which one I put it in. It's a message from my roommate, she's locked herself out of the apartment and needs to let her in.
"Responsibility is already calling. I get the message," he laughs.
I get out of the car even though I really don't want to and I still haven't built up the nerve to ask him for his number. I run up the stairs to my Matchbox apartment and tell Amber about it while I unlock the front door. She isn't listening. A part of me wants to cry and the other half is eternally grateful. That I'm just making this all up and I've sabotaged myself and I'm lucky to have someone who won't enable me into an oblivion and take my side all the time.
I'm late for my first official class of the year and I left the camera on my desk so I can't film the entire thing like I planned. I texted Amber about it and says she's having a class in the same building for an hour and that she'll be able to get it to me. I get a seat in the back of the lecture theatre and take out my notebook. Carrying a laptop up three flights of stairs is dreadful and I've never made the mistake of bringing my laptop anywhere again.
Ashlae enters the lecture hall and takes a seat next to me. She checks her watch in favour of the theatrics. "Only ten minutes late and the lecturer isn't even here yet. The universe is on my side."
"Hi," I say to her. "Nice to see you again."
"Same. Same...do you have any idea what we're even going to discuss in class today?" she asks.
"No idea," I say truthfully.
She has a good laugh about it and I share her sentiment. It's early days and university already feels like a chore. Nothing is the way it was spoken about in the movies.