Chapter 8 - 8

"What's the matter?" Roman finds me in the parking lot. I've been sitting in Micah's car for the better half of the evening while everyone is doing tequila shots at the bar.

I tuck my knees into my chest. "Aren't you supposed to be chatting up the woman of your dreams? Stop following me around."

"You went missing from the bar." Roman crouches down in front of me. "I thought I'd go looking for you. The kids are pretty drunk. I don't think anyone noticed you were gone."

"Great," I say. "What's your point?"

"I just...wanted to check up on you and make sure that you're okay." he says. "I'm not one of your kids. You don't have to take care of me," I'm yelling at him. I want all of this to be over. I want us to go back to before all of this happened. Would any of this have been different if I had gone clubbing with Micah? Or...have I always felt this way about him?He looks like he's about to throw something. "I just...I wanted to make sure you were okay, Landon. When I'd didn't see you inside, I thought something happened to you. I don't know... I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I'll go back inside."

"Wait. Don't leave me alone," I say to him. My heart jumps out of my chest. A part of me can't believe I just said that to him. He turns away from me. "Are you sure?" he asks. "I don't know," I say. "I just don't want to be alone."

"Can I sit with you?"

"Yes, it's fine."Roman gets in the car with me. I connect my phone to the radio and play my Spotify playlist. "What is this song?" he asked me. He turns up the sound on the radio. "I really like it."

"It's one of my favourites," I say to him. "It's by Julia Michaels."

"What else do you listen to?"

I shrug. "I don't know. Whatever sounds good. Anything that makes me feel something."

"That makes you feel what?"

"Emotion?" I offer. "Like, I always listen to sad songs. There's just a kind of magic added to music when it's written at an artist's weakest moment. You know?"

"Yeah. I think I understand what you mean," he says to me. Our hands are resting next to each other. I want him to take my hand. Like a lot. But I don't know why I feel that way. I've never thought about him this way before. I've never thought about him the same way I think about Micah. I move my hand away from his and into my lap. This can't be right. Right? "Is something the matter?" he asks me. I shake my head. It's an automatic response. I don't want him to analyse me. I don't want him to know what I'm thinking. It's wrong. I don't really want to be close to him. Like, Margo said, Vick will eventually find her way back to her. So will I. I'll find my way back to Micah. We'll be the same as we used to be. This was just something I was struggling with for the moment. Just because he had feelings for me doesn't mean I share the same feelings. "No," I insist. "I'm okay. I should probably go back inside." I hurry back inside the building. My heart beats out of my chest. I'm terrified. What do I do with myself? "Landon!" Ashlae calls to me over the noise at the bar. I make my way towards them. Micah has his head rested on the counter. "I think I'm going to be sick," he groans. I rush over to the bar. "What do you need? Are you okay?"

"I think he had alcohol poisoning," Shay says to me. "Like, be had way too much to drink."

"H-how did this happen?"

"Where were you?" Ashlae yells at me. I'm taken aback by her tone. "It's your job to take care of him." I stare at her. I don't know what else to do. She's right. I should've been there for him. I could've prevented any of this from happening. But, also, I felt so overwhelmed and I wanted to get away—even just for a minute."I-I'm sorry." I try my best not to cry but I do it anyway.. And this time is different. Ashlae isn't the one consoling me. She's the one hurting me. Everyone is drunk and emotional and the night is going horribly. "Can you drive us to the day hospital?" I ask Shay. "Please." Ashlae grabs him by the arm. "No. He's taking me home."

"What's the matter?" Roman asks, joining us at the bar. "What's happened to Micah?"I wipe my face. "I think—I think he might have alcohol poisoning. I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to drive us to the hospital."

"I'll help you get him in the back seat," he says. "We'll take my car."