Sometime taking first step in everything, can be very difficult. It would take a lot of strength from our side, to do so but still we do it. For instance, as a child when we first time road the bike, first day of school, your first relationship or your first day of trying something new. Though, being a child we rarely remember such days in later stages our life, but still those day were our little achievements which we feel proud of now.
However, what if you have lost so much in your life that you don't have anymore strength left in you to take steps to make your life better or move on in your life. I guess loosing someone you love could be difficult for you to live your life like you have done always but what if you have lost your own self, then imagine what your life would be like.
...
Around two thirty in the afternoon I reach back home all exhausted, standing at the door of my house. I took a deep breath and ring the bell, in a minute or so mother opened the gate but as soon as she noticed that I am the one who ring the bell, her eyes filled up with hope instantly. And this somewhat scared me as I know she is hoping for a positive response but I don't want to give any kind of hope to her because even I am not sure what will happen tomorrow.
Rather then saying anything, I try to move inside and I finally able to do it, when she move aside. In hurry, I untied my shoes and start walking inside the house towards my room, before mother could speak anything else I speak up..
Siya: Mother, I am feeling very hungry please serve my plate too and then I will be sleeping because I am very tired. I am going to fresh up really quick.
Mother: Okay.
After this I directly walk towards my room, as I stepped inside the room. I close and lock the door, keep my bag on the chair which was in front of the study table and walk inside the washroom to start getting fresh. In around ten minutes, all fresh I walk outside the room to have my lunch and like as usual when I reach the dining hall I found my plate served with food and my mother sitting their with her plate.
I go and sit on the chair but rather then eating the food, I look at my mother with raised eyebrows because I wanted her get over with the questioning as I wanted to eat the food in peace. Soon mother initiated the conversation...
Mother: So, how was your exam?
Siya: It was okay.
Mother: It means you won't be going to pass it again?
Siya: I don't know, I tried my best.
Mother: If you have tried your best then why are you not sure about it.
Siya: I don't know.
After this we both start eating our food but like as usual, my mind initiated his own conversation with me..
Mind: When you have seen everything that happening around you are bad, then how can you hope for the good or even think about it to happen… I feel scared.
Me: Right bro. I don't want to think positive because if the result come negative then it will make me feel bad but if I think negative and the result come out to be positive then it will make me feel good.
Mind: True but how we will explain it to others?
Me: I don't know.
Mind: Huhhh no need to tell or explain them, what we think because this is us and its our life. Plus they don't even care about us.
Just like this I finished my lunch, soon I leave the dining hall with a water bottle in my hand. The moment I reached inside my room, I closed the door kept my water bottle on the side table beside my phone. Then I pick up my phone and settled down on the bed, half lying on the bed with my head resting on the headboard, I plugged my earphones and start listening to the music with closed eyes.
However, I may have fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of it as next my eyes got opened hearing the vibration sound of my phone. In half sleep only, I answered my phone..
Siya: (Sleepy voice) Hello
Vihaa: (Excited voice) Hey kiddo
Siya: (Sitting up on the bed and rubbing my eyes) Hmmm
Vihaa: See you in front of my house at six in the evening.
Siya: Okay
She hang up the phone, after this I check the time on my phone which is five thirty in the evening. I took a deep breath, get up from the bed and walk inside the washroom, start getting fresh. Once getting fresh, I walk outside the washroom and drink half of the water from the bottle, then I wear my tracks and keeping phone in my pocket, I walk outside my room towards mothers' room to let her know that I am going outside to meet Vihaa.
Soon I reach in front of her room, where I found door closed so, without thinking about anything else I knocked the door. My mother opened the door, look at me with a raised eyebrows..
Siya: Mother I am going outside of the house to meet Vihaa, at her house.
Mother: Okay, be back soon and don't be late for dinner.
Siya: Okay.
After this I wear my sandals and leave the house, I reached early like always but rather then messaging and calling her, I patiently wait for her to come outside while sitting on the bench which was inside the park. After five minutes or so Vihaa came outside and sat beside me on the bench, the moment she has settled down she initiated the conversation..
Vihaa: So, how was your day?
Siya: It was okay, as soon as exam got over I came back home, I ate my lunch and slept peacefully.
Vihaa: (Smile) Yeah I can understand, the sleep that come after giving exam is really peaceful.
Siya: (With a smile on my face) Hmmm.
We both sit in complete silence for a minute or two, then she started speaking again..
Vihaa: So, what have you planned for the future?
Siya: Nothing
Vihaa: What you want to do next? Study or job?
Siya: I want to the studies but don't know how it will happen because father wants me to the job.
Vihaa: You can do both of the things, at first you can do the job as new term would be starting after two months. In fact there is this person whom I know who is looking for an employ, the job role would be career counselling.
Siya: (Hesitant, confused) Umm do you think it would be right? I would be able to do it, right?
Vihaa: Hey, why are you underestimating your self? You can do anything if you want to do it? I trust you kiddo that you can do it.
Siya: Okay, I will do it. Tell me the location and time.
Vihaa: That's the spirit.
After this while sitting there only, together we schedule my interview for tomorrow in the morning at ten. Then we talked about some more time about small and different things, around seven thirty we both left for our homes. The moment I reached inside my house, the thoughts started running in my head,
"will I be able to give the interview? Is everything thing going to be fine? Shall I give the interview or not?"
These questions keep running in my mind in loop however, to stop them I walk inside my room play the music in my phone on the speaker and then I walk inside the washroom to fresh up. I walk outside the washroom, turn the music off and I walk out of my room towards the dining hall, those thoughts again started running in my head. As I stepped in the dining hall, I saw mother and father sitting at the dining table with their plates in front of them and waiting for me.
Without saying anything I sit on the chair and rather then eating the food, I initiated the conversation...
Siya: Father, I am going to give an interview tomorrow at ten in the morning for career counselling job.
Neither of us speak up anything for a minute or so and this doubled up my nervousness as I am not able to think how he would react. However, soon his voice broke my trance,
Father: Finally, you have got some brains in you, good.
Mother: Good one Siya.
After this we started eating our food, as soon as I finished eating I clean my plate and start walking towards my room with a water bottle in my hand, I heard my father clearing his throat but before he could say anything, I speak up..
Siya: Don't worry I will be on time, to do my duty.
Without speaking or listening anything further, I walk inside my room and closed the door. I pick up my pending novel new moon and start reading it. Time passed like this till eleven, I pick up my phone, water bottle and earphones then start walking towards granny's room. Once I settled down on the bed, I start watching videos on you tube and the night passed just like this. However, I had a dream which wasn't good or bad but it was confusing because I was stuck somewhere and not able to guess, which way should I go.
Around eight in the morning, I wake up and started getting ready for the interview, while doing so, I heard a ping sound on my phone. I check my phone, there was message from Vihaa saying to wear these things for the interview...
"formal shirt, trousers, heels and hair style should by high pony"
I smiled seeing this, and do as I was told. While doing so I realized that, alone I would have never be able to take this step of going for the interview but with her, things become pretty easy. Though, I am scared but her encouragement and company are filling confidence in me, I am hoping for something positive. However, looking myself in the mirror, I took a deep breath and spoke to me...
Lets' see what would happen today but I would try my best.
To Be Continued...