Negativity is like termites, if it stays around you then you will see how it will slowly destroy your life. And it will not happen that you will not be able to see or understand all this. But you will never be able to do anything, to save yourself.
Continued....
Two to three minutes have been passed, I am still standing outside Aunt's room without knocking the door because I don't want to do it. However, I don't have a choice to escape it so, I took a deep breath and by gathering up all of my strength I finally knock the door from the back of my right hand knuckles. After a minute or two, she open the door and move a bit aside so, I could move inside the room and the moment I stepped inside the room, I hear the loud bang sound of door closing behind me which startled me for a second or two.
I started walking towards the chair which was kept beside the bed but on a decent distance. I sit on the chair but alertly because I am feeling a tight knot in my stomach, though I am well aware that whatever she will be going to say won't be good in any way but still I am feeling as if something will happen to me. There is some kind of heat flowing in me, making me all sweaty.
However, soon my trance break hearing Aunt's voice, who is now sitting in front of me on her bed.
Aunt: So, where you were roaming around?
Me: (Confidently) I went out to give the interview.
Aunt: (Surprise filled eyes and voice filled with hope) Wow really! Its good that you took this step in your life. How was it, do you get the job?
Me: They will let me know after a day or two. (I lied it confidently because her hope filled voice will get hurt knowing that they rejected me. And if she will come to know about it, how will she react?)
I don't know why but how people will react, when they will come face to face with my real self, scares me a lot. What others will think about me or will they ever accept me for who I am? Such questions usually runs in my head, whenever I think of sharing my thoughts or emotions with others. And this exhaust me a lot.
Aunt: Okay. However, I wanted to talk to you about something serious.
Me: Yeah go ahead.
Aunt: Tell me something, is your mother mental?
Me: (Confused) What do you mean? What happened?
Aunt: (Getting a bit annoyed) See, we had a plan to go to the market, after the breakfast. As per the plan that we have decided the morning time which is is eleven just after the breakfast, we left the house. After reaching market, she told me to do my shopping alone and she will do her shopping as this will save the time, we will be able to reach back home early.
In reply to her this idea, I told her that no need for this we will do our shopping together but she remained persistent and later having no choice we do what she said. I don't like this but her stubborn behaviour forced me to do so. Once the shopping got over, we together come back home and without saying anything to each other we get inside our rooms.
Me: (I patiently listened to her whole story and as the story ended, I took a minute or two to think about it before saying anything) Okay but its okay I guess.
Aunt: (Scowled face) Really?
Me: Yeah, I think mother's idea was good. She thought practically, it was the best way to save the time and work effectively.
Aunt: Wow, dear you don't know her. The truth is that she doesn't enjoy my company, she just went with me out of responsibility but in reality she just hate me to the core. And you can clearly see it when she goes out with you or your brother/father, she gives full attention to you guys but not to me. I don't know why she do such type of discrimination with me.
After hearing this, a thought come up in my mind...
"what kind of thoughts are running in her mind I mean like seriously bro, she is comparing herself from mother's kids and her husband. Both of the relation have their own meaning and importance in my mother's life but here she needs same kind of value for her, how it could be possible? And has she ever observed her own behaviour for once, her talking style is so weird that not a single sane person will like to be with her or go with her anywhere."
Aunt: Siya!!! (Tap my my shoulder lightly)
Me: (Hearing her voice my trance break) Ye.. yeah
Aunt: Answer my question, is she mental or what?
Me: Whatever you are thinking, things are not like this.
Aunt: So you are tying to say, I am wrong or I am mental?
Me: No, what I mean to say is that.... (Mother's voice stop me in the middle of my sentence)
Mother: Siya!!! Come for lunch now!!
Me: Coming.
After this I look at Aunt, give her my best apologetic look though internally I was dancing in happiness, mother just become the reason of my escape or I would have gone mad while explaining things to Aunt. Soon I stand up from the chair, without saying anything I tried to leave her room but before I could go out of the room I hear Aunt words..
Aunt: Now she can't let Siya talk to me peacefully.
I choose to say nothing against it because I know, it her trust issues that not let her trust my mother plus they both have their own different view points to deal with things and live a proper life. I took my exit from the room, start walking towards the dining room and while doing so, I realized how much exhausted and tired I am feeling all of sudden as if I have done so much of physical work but the reality is, the conversation with the Aunt becomes reason of it.
Like usual I reach the dining table, I found my plate already served with the food and mother sitting their eating her own food. I quietly go and sit on the chair, then started to eat my food but the question that Aunt raised earlier start moving in my head and my mind become active, start speaking to me...
Mind: Bro, what if Aunt is actually right and our mother is the real culprit here.
Me: No I don't think it is possible.
Mind: But why Aunt will lie?
Me: May be because she is not normal.
Mind: And what is the definition of normal, in her case.
Me: I don't know but I will let you know soon.
Mind: Okay but tell me something, isn't mother's behaviour is different for you/brother/father?
Me: Yeah it is.
Mind: So, don't you think she is biased when it come to Aunt?
Me: Yeah I think it is possible.
Mind: Plus she don't understand us too so, it would be easy for her to be like this with Aunt too.
Me: Hmmm so, should I ask her about it?
Mind: Yeah do it now.
Though, I wanted to ask the question but I choose not to because I don't think she will like it. What if she scold me for asking such a question, what if she think of me a immature person who is interfering in her matter, what if she think of me as a rude person for this behaviour??
And with these thoughts in my mind, I choose to keep my mouth shut and finish my lunch quietly. Once my lunch got over, I raised my head up to look at mother to know if she is still eating the food or done with it but as soon as I look at her, I found her looking at me with raised eyebrows.
Me: What happen?
Mother: I don't know, you tell me what happen but whole time during the lunch you were awkwardly silent, how was your interview? Is everything alright?
Me: Nothing I am just tired a lot, I just want to sleep. And interview was okay, they will let me know after a day or two.
Mother: (While gathering her plates) Okay, no issue. Just clean your plates and then you can go and sleep for sometime.
Me: Okay.
We both together get up from our chairs, then we move inside the kitchen and work separately. She cleaned the whole kitchen as well as with utensils and I cleaned my plated, then with a water bottle in my hand I leave the dining hall. Soon I reach inside my room, close and lock my door because I don't want anyone to come inside my room for sometime. The moment I got settled on my bed with ear phones plugged in and with a diary plus pen beside me because I thought to write my thoughts..
I opened the diary and start writing...
how can ones' negativity be so much powerful, it overpowers every other emotions and force us to be at bad side. Its like a web of spiders where we get stuck, we are unable to see or understand others' good deeds which they are doing to help us. But the one of the question that repeatedly arise in my thought is, what becomes the reasons for negativity to occur?
After this I keep my pen down, close my diary and put is beside me. And, I kept my head on the head rest, take deep breath in and then closed my eyes, let sleep overpower.