The daydream hits my mind, suddenly forcing pictures into my head. I try to shake off the images, but the pictures overpower my head. I am covered in Chetan's blood and with a knife in my hands.
Hours later I sit on a nearby log, I watch Kiara hold and rock Atsila, her new baby girl. In Cherokee her name means fire. I am so proud to be an aunt. It gives my heart much joy seeing Kiara be a mother.
Looking down at my hands, I look at the promise ring Chetan made for me out of twisted bristle and branch. Just hearing Chetan approach, I force a smile when he takes his seat next to me.
"Get those crazy thoughts out of your head, I told you that you're enough for me," he tells me.
My eyes watch the ground with fallen leaves in colors of brown, orange, and yellow. "I want to be able to give you that too".
"Zare," he grabs my hand, bringing it to his lips.
Beautiful brown eyes meant mind. I couldn't help but instantly feel better.
"I love you," he tells me.
I smile, letting his words sink in. I do love Chetan more than anything or anyone.
I see Dev and Ash goofing around, they throw a potato back and forth. Their laughter fills my ears. Chetan walks over and joins them. High-pitched chirping from a little bird grabs my attention. I love listening to the sound of nature, though it wasn't as loud to me anymore since I'm no longer a vampire.
Ajay is so quiet, that I hardly heard him take a seat next to me. I jump a little at the sound of his voice. "I have something to tell you."
Feeling the butterflies enter my stomach, I know this isn't going to be good news. I feel sick like I'm going to throw up. "Okay." I tried to hide my nervous expression.
"I'm going to leave the pack for a while," he tells me with sadness in his eyes.
"How long?" I feel the panic take over me.
"I am not sure," he eyes me.
"Ajay please no, we need you, I need you."
I feel Ajay's warm hand on my leg. " Zare, you don't need me, you have Chetan, Dev, and Ash."
I nod.
Ajay has been a mess since Aanya left. They broke up, and we received word from her new pack and all-girl pack that she had passed away. I am watching a downward spiral, and it eats at my soul.
"What happened to Aanya isn't your fault, Ajay." I look into his eyes, searching for any clue there is still Sanity there
"I should have just told her I loved her, and I wanted the same thing," he says, looking at the ground.
I let out a deep breath. "But you didn't feel that way."
"But I didn't do her any favors, now she's dead."
Aanya apparently jumped off a cliff drowning in the water. But truth alone, the impact of the collision with the water probably killed her.
"Ajay, I grab his hand, this wasn't your fault."
I watch as Ajay drinks from a bottle of whiskey. I hate that he is turning to alcohol to ease his pain.
"Put that away," I yell with more anger than I attended.
"Sorry," he tells me, sliding the small bottle into his pocket.
"What about Kirsten? She can't see you like this."
"I need to get my mind straight for her." I see Ajay watch her play with the boys.
Kirsten is Ajay's adopted daughter, as we say. She is now eight.
"Who's going to take care of her while you're going?"
"She had the whole pack."
"What if I come with you?" Just saying the words I know was a crazy idea, because Chetan wouldn't allow it.
Ajay chuckles a little. "You go tell that to Chetan."
"I just can't imagine you gone."
"It won't be for long adagyudi," he says, moving the
hair from my face.
"Was I the reason you didn't tell Aanya, you love her, that you didn't want to settle down and have kids?"
Ajay shakes his head no. "I didn't love her the way she loves me."
"Loved, Ajay, she's gone and she's not coming back."
"I know, I struggle to use her name in the past tense."
I see Chetan and Dev approach. "You okay man?" Dev asks.
"I don't know, I somewhat know I have lost my mind," Ajay says.
At this point, I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or if he was completely honest with himself.
"I need to speak with Kirsten." Ajay gets up from the log.
"Ajay?"
"Hum?" He looks at me.
"Nothing."
He kneels down before me, so we are face to face. "I'm not leaving yet," he whispers in my ear, and I feel his lips on my cheek.
The smell of the whiskey in his breath enters my nose. Makes me feel disappointed in the alcoholic he's become. I kiss him on the cheek.
My heart still skips a beat, seeing him smile. I watch him the whole time he walks away, I try to choke down the sadness inside me.
Looking at Chetan, he doesn't look upset, just confused by the interactions between us. I don't even feel like explaining things, getting up from the log, I walk right past the boys.
Once I am in Chetan's and my resting place, I lay down, pulling the blankets over my head. I look at my hand under the blanket, I am used to the transparent white glow around it.
Though I am used to being a ghost, I am not used to not being a werewolf. I miss transforming and whipping through the trees.
I can't help feeling annoyed, as I hear Chetan enter and lay down next to me. "Zare, what was that all about?"
"Nothing." I tried my best to appear normal and lie.
"Bullshit, I see how incredibly upset you were."
"Ajay is leaving the pack." I hear my voice crack saying the words.
"What?" I hear the shock in his voice. He sits up.
"Chetan?"
"Yeah?" He answers.
"How would you feel if I went with him?"
"I think Ajay isn't the only one who's lost his mind." Putting down the blanket, I can see the redness on his face.
"He has always been there for me, and now I need to be there for him."
"Did he ask you to go with him?" He asks.
"No, he said no "
"Well for once I agree with him," Chetan says, arms crossed.
"I am going."
"Zare, you're not."
"Chetan," I yell. He is so frustrating.
"Fine." He throws his hands in the air. "But you and I are over," he raises his brow before exiting our sleeping den.
"She is the most aggravating person, I spend most of the day trying to decide if I want to yell at her or fuck her," I overhear Chetan telling Dev.
"I love sex when you're mad at your girl, just pound the hell out of her." Dev laughs.
Chetan laughs pushing Dev in the arm. Boys. I roll my eyes.
Walking past them, I don't even meet Chetan's stares. I smile seeing Ash sitting by himself. He's sharpening a stick with a rock. Joining him, I love seeing his smile with fangs.
"Hey Darlin," he gives me a half-hug.
"You're going on a hunting trip?"
"Yeah in a bit." He holds up his newly made weapon to inspect it.
"I can say I don't miss the burning in my throat."
"But you do miss being a wolf," he says, his eyes back on his knife.
"Yeah."
Closing my eyes, I remember what it was like, the wind blowing into my fur and lifting my neck to howl.
"Pack meeting," I hear Ajay call and the shuffling of feet, breaking my daydream.
Slowly, I make my way to the dreaded meeting. I feel so lost. How is the pack going to react?
I take my place in the circle next to Kiara. She smiles at me, and I rub Atsila's little hand.
"I am dreading to tell everyone. I am leaving the pack for a while," Ajay announces.
"Ajay, that's a bad idea," Cricket says, putting his hand over his face.
"Think about this for a while," Dev says.
"I have, I need time to clear my head, and I need to turn over the pack to somebody in the right mindset to take care of it and lead," Ajay looks at Chetan.
Looking around at the pack's face, they seem as devastated as I am. Their face breaks into a frown, and I see tears in some eyes.
"You have my back Chetan?" Ajay asks.
"I don't know dude, I'm not really a leader."
"You are, I wouldn't trust anyone else with my pack," Ajay walks to Chetan and pats his shoulder.
"You have my word, I will keep the pack safe. But I want to let everyone know now that the rules stay the same."
"And Kirsten?" I see the concern on Ajay's face.
"She is safe with me." Chetan nods.
"Alright guys, I guess this is it." I see the pain on Ajay's face.
"You're leaving now?" I feel the wetness on my face, pouring onto my neck.
"Yeah, Zare. It's time."
"You don't have to leave." Walking towards him, I grab his hand. It feels wet to my touch. His palms are sweaty, I know he is struggling too.
He turns around and kisses me on the forehead. I look into his eyes, I see the pain behind them.
"You will be good while I am gone."
"Not a chance."
He laughs slightly, and then I watch as he walks over to Kirsten and wraps the little girl in a huge.
Moments later, that goes by in an agonizing blur, I watch Ajay walk towards the forest with one backpack around his back.
"Ajay, wait." I rush to follow him.
He turns to face me and gently rubs my cheek with his hand.
"Is there something you're not telling me? Because the Ajay I know wouldn't leave the pack no matter what."
He frowns and is slight for a moment. "No, I just need time to think."
He kisses me on the forehead again, before turning and leaving.