I've always been naive, timid and not good with words despite my looks, so I'm often misunderstood because of my scary face and intimidating stature. My mom and dad both had fierce looking faces and were very tough, but that was because we were from the countryside. I couldn't help it that was was always bigger than everyone else, I couldn't help that all I did was farm work before I moved here to the city.
My fierce appearance, like my parents doesn't hold over well in the city. Once we moved from our farm, my peaceful life turned into a lonely existence. Because of my face, everyone had wanted to fight me, only adding onto the fact the absolutely nobody wanted to be my friend.
My parents didn't seem to notice that we scared everyone, but I did. I noticed that no one ever got too close to us, that no one tried to speak to us first when we first moved in. The neighbors all looked at me as if I were some cheap gangster.
It bothered me so much.
At the time, only Vincenzo was graceful enough to give me a chance, and he spoke to me normally. At first I was delighted to have finally made a friend, but I was quickly disillusioned when I observed his appalling behavior towards other people.
It was disgusting. Everyone, including the disliked people, flocked around them and sucked up desperately wanting to be liked. Some guys tried cozying up to me because they were trying to get more girls to sleep with them. I was most sick that Vincenzo and Martin treated me as if I were some accessory they could wear. It made me want to puke my guts up.
I wondered if I was going to sow and the rest of my life surrounded by people like this? The thought of it is just miserable.
I wasn't accustomed to or ok with bullying people I perceived as weaker than me. My parents had always told me that only punks do that crap. But for some reason, Vincenzo and Martin had just assumed that this was my true nature.
After my attempts to stop his bullying failed, I started to distance myself. From middle school to junior year, I poured all of my time and energy into my reading and completely neglected the outside world. It was lonely and boring, but more so frustrating, because I didn't think I was smart enough to take all this in.
For me, the world should be more simplistic like in books. Thanks to the fact that my parents are successful, I had everything I had everything I asked for. I do anything, whether it was first place in a rodeo, or farm work, or therapy, I never actually had to do much to hear "good job" from anyone. Because of that, I couldn't understand why the people around me acted like hooligans that wanted to amount to nothing. And surrounded by idiots on every side, no matter how you look at it, is miserable.
So I decided to change my situation. Luckily, my/the person next me, hard work paid off and accomplished getting a seat in the AP classes. I was lucky not to get caught and depended on people not questioning me to get here, but when I arrived, I realized that I had no one I could truly celebrate with.
Because I had no friends.
I had lost sight of what I wanted for all these years. Those friendships that always seemed out of reach for me. I did have the tutor that I was kissing buddies with....but the creep was never a real friend.
I was so desperate for companionship that I had considered reconciliation with Vincenzo all summer break, just to not be lonely in the new year. It went against everything I believed in, but damn it I didn't care for pride. It just wasn't a healthy thing to do.
When I saw Vincenzo and Martin, I walked over to them like normal ready to introduce myself to the unfamiliar third face they had with them. A sickly looking boy with thin black hair. Even with his mask on I could tell that he wanted to be anywhere but there. I just won't join in if they're bullying him. However it was soon clear that he didn't need any help from me.
I didn't know it right then, but I was lucky to meet Danny Cunningham.
I had always wished for peaceful and simple feelings of friendship, but I never expected to get so caught up in it. He immediately threw me for a loop as soon as he spoke. Danny had a bad attitude, but it seemed to just really be towards Vincenzo. I think that made me forget about them and focus on him alone. From then on it became impossible for me to take my eyes off this interesting guy.
What had started as pure curiosity turned into me getting desperate to know him. I started to become involved with him every chance I got. The possibility of something was right in front of my eyes. He seemed like a weak guy but there was something about him that made my imagination go wild. Some kind of switch flipped in me and I just knew that I needed to make him all mine. I felt as though he should just choose me instead. That I wanted him more than anyone else.
My heart almost fell from my throat when I asked him for his number. I've had a phone for a very long time, but after I moved to the city I realized that no one would text or call me, especially after I distanced myself from Vincenzo.But now, because he gladly gave my his number, I finally had a reason to carry my phone around with me again.
Maybe it was because I could see right away that he was just like me, but I could see the bad blood between him and Vincenzo. Martin insisted their closeness and I even believed it for a bit, until the party.
Speaking with Danny alone had me feeling like I was a normal person again, and to keep it going, I contacted him everyday. I was able to talk to someone for the first time about the things i liked and he actually seemed interested in what I was saying.
The more I observed Danny the more I came to care about him. He accepted everything about me, including my face and the fact that I was gay. I don't even think he picked up on how interested I actually was in him at all though.
Then one day, a thought crossed my mind when I'd seen Vincenzo speak to him. What if Danny doesn't like me as much as I like him? I hated that Vincenzo seemed to be the closest to him. What if he was just putting up with me like he was putting up with Vincenzo. I never payed attention to how others perceived me more than now, especially him.
With all these emotions I've come to experience, I was in pure bliss, except for one problem. Vincenzo. Over time, it became clear that only the blind and deaf could miss that all Danny's problems all stemmed from Vincenzo. He just refused to acknowledge it.
That night that he cried himself to sleep in my arms had made feel a certain new hatred towards Vincenzo. I wanted to be the only one Danny obsessed over. I wanted to be the only one to see his beautiful body. Vincenzo didn't deserve Danny. Even though I was worried, and Danny wasn't opening up, I was truly impressed with how he handled everything so eloquently instead of sulking like I would. He embarrassed Vincenzo in front of everyone, he got him in trouble at home by hanging out with me instead of him and he let him take responsibility for his lies at school.
It was a type of rebirth I was lucky to witness with my own eyes. The more intrigued I got with him, the more he seemed to let me in little by little. If meeting Danny was by chance, then being his friend and helping him out had to have been a fucking miracle.
I know at some point I should've stopped him from getting revenge on Vincenzo because I knew he'd only get hurt, but I couldn't bring myself too. Although I didn't say it out loud for his sake, I knew that Danny had a crush on Vincenzo, and I wanted him to destroy those feelings for him completely. Unfortunately, my selfishness had led Martin into cornering him when I wasn't around.
I should've just tried to help him talk it out sooner.
The ride in the ambulance with him was incredibly eye opening to me. I've never cared about anyone this much before. I've never been so scared for someone else's life before. Seeing him lay there beaten made my rage creep up. I prayed by his bedside for him to just wake up. If he woke up, I'd do anything for him and I'd never do such a selfish thing again.
After holding his hand and looking at him, I realized just how dangerous he was. Everything from his dead stares to his blushing skin and his pride that pierced my heart. But the most dangerous of all was me for desperately wanting him so badly.
"I really fell for you hard," I confessed to his sleeping form. "I didn't want to admit it yet, but I love you."
"Ashton?" Danny's dad had no doubt heard me confessing to his sleeping son. To my surprise he didn't kick me out of the room and let me stay with his son for the night to watch over him. Vincenzo had also visited but he didn't say much, and I had a feeling that Danny would be upset if I butted in, so I stayed silent and let him look at Dan.
Vincenzo looked conflicted and while he looked down at Danny. It made me jealous of whatever history it was that they shared that I remained clueless about. It made me want to just throw him out of the hospital room window because I couldn't figure them out.
"I put Martin in his place. He won't touch him again, so he doesn't have to worry." Vincenzo ran his fingers thru his hair. "So is it true that you two are dating?"
I wish. "What?"
"Everyone saw you carrying him to the ambulance like and crying like you were in some stupid movie? Are you really dating him?"
"Why do you look so angry?" I ask him wonder why it even mattered to him.
"So it's not true," Vincenzo smiled. What an asshole! "I thought you'd managed to bend him because you've been sticking to him or something. I'll make him apologize after my suspension."
"Suspension?"
"How else do you get someone like Martin to understand? Danny won't be touched by Martin's people anymore. Text me when he wakes up."
"What? You-"
"You obviously don't know what's going on because he never told you! It's because you aren't important enough to him to be clued in. Haven't you even thought about why he tolerates you being that clingy. Text me when he wakes up," Vincenzo pointed a finger into my chest before leaving the hospital room.
What he said struck me to my core.
I was indeed the outsider. I was so caught up in this being the first time I'd ever fallen for someone, that I might've overstepped my boundaries as a friend. It was all thanks to the feelings I kept trying to keep at bay for Danny. In doing so, Danny got hurt.
It made sense to be an outsider, he met me as Vincenzo's friend! Why wouldn't he distance himself from someone he can reasonably doubt? Actually, I don't want to continue hanging out with those two, that's why I stopped, but I hate the idea that he and Vincenzo are closer than him and I.
Would Dan get angry at me? Should I leave him now and not show my face? Really this feeling felt worse than the thought of me being alone again. That night, it was the only thing I could think of.
Something soft and plushy landing on my hand woke me up the next morning. "Hm? Dan?" Oh my god! Dan put his butt on my hand! "Dan! Good morning! You're finally awake!" I said stoping myself from pouring my feelings out to a sick person. I really wanted to just give him a big hug and tell him I'll take care of him and to never worry about Vincenzo again.
And maybe squeeze his butt.
"Morning? I've been here all night?" He looked absolutely horrified at this. Now's not the time for my wants! Calm down Ashton.
"Yes. Luckily, I got you here on time. You were out for two days, mostly from exhaustion. I don't know your password for your phone so I couldn't call anyone for you, so I just stayed here, but your dad found out where you were later that day," i explained. "He's probably gone out for food for us."
"You stayed this entire time?" He asked me. Was he happy about this? I hope he was.
"Yeah, lay back down," i pushed him back into the hospital bed seeing that he had attempted to stand up. He must be stubborn when it comes to hospitals. That's adorable."By the way, how are you feeling?"
"Everything kind of hurts. It all sucks major ass." I found the way he cursed comforting. His vulgar mouth just added to his charm.
"Should I cancel the person coming here to visit?"
"Who is?"
"Vincenzo."
"Why would he be coming here?" I was happy to see his face twist up in annoyance at the mere thought of seeing him. Maybe now, he was done with Vincenzo for good.
"He's been to see you twice already," I told him the truth while I texted Vincenzo that Danny was awake and this was his chance to apologize. "I couldn't say anything about it because your dad was here. Um, by the way, he got suspended for a week. The couple hours you were out, he got in a huge fight with Martin for some reason. I just told him that you woke up....but I swear I'm only texting him because of what happened and he got in touch with your dad about what happened. I'm not friends with him anymore!"
"I know. Anything else I should know?" Dan chuckled.
"Everyone in school thinks we're dating because they saw me carrying you," i mumbled. I turned from his burning gaze. How would he react to that news? I don't think I'm brave enough to look him in the eye.
"I'm sorry."
"N-no it's ok, I don't mind," I could feel my face turning tomato red. He was ok with it? Does this mean I could get closer to him? "I just wanted to give a heads up."
"But won't people stop getting to know you because they think you're with hospice boy?"
"Don't call yourself that, Dan. I honestly don't care what other people think of me. Like I said, I dare anyone to do something about it." I'll find whoever started that nickname and gut him like a fish.
"But you're stuck with me now. Are you ok with that?"
"Of course I am!" Oh god! It was no use being so insecure around him, everything he says will just make me fall more and more. "If I wasn't interested or didn't care, I wouldn't be here!"
"You're a stand up guy, Ashton," Dan gave me a smile as his dad burst into the room and engulfed him in a bear hug.
Lucky!
I panicked a little when it was time for us to leave for fear of bumping into Vincenzo, because I really don't want those two to meet. I don't want them to reconcile anything.
The next day, when I picked Danny up, he was like a ghost. Silent and withdrawn. No doubt it had something to do with Vincenzo, but it wasn't my place to butt into anything, right.
"I think I need some counseling." Danny had told me suddenly.
"About what?"
Danny looked at me skeptically for a second. "I have a friend I've known since diapers, and he hates me, but I still think of him as someone special to me. Now, I just want to forget him." He was going to open up to me?
He proceeded to tell me more about his tragic crush on Vincenzo, much to my amazement. But regardless of that, Danny looked like he had seriously thought this through and it was torturing him.
"I spent my entire life liking this one person. Whenever I think of something good in my life, he's in that memory. I know he hated me back then as well, but no matter how much I keep that in mind, the good feelings about those times don't go away. I don't want to hate him, because then I'd have to acknowledge that liking him has been the only thing I liked about my life.
"I'd have to acknowledge the years of resentment I feel for myself for being so weak and pathetic. I'd have to acknowledge that I've been making myself sick for some asshole and lying to the people who cared about me for his sake! That's why I asked about hypnosis, it would be better to erase those good memories and just remember him just hating me. Maybe then it would be easier to let him go."
"And if you erased those memories, how do you know you wouldn't still like him?"
"What?"
"We can't help who we are attracted to, Dan. Also, it's the bad memories that shape us into the adults we become. You have a clear cut value system that doesn't allow you to ignore him, it's understandable. And if you forget it, you'll just live the same life anyway right?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"We have a little bit, if you don't mind skipping class, I'd like to hear you out," I offered as we neared the school parking lot. I'd never put time aside for anyone before, so I wonder if he'll be surprised. What if him skipping effects other people? "Unless you want to wait until after school to-"
"No! Let's skip," he insisted to my surprise. I took a knee down in front of him motioning for him to hop on my back. He climbed on and held on for dear life as I took off without stopping to my car, just so I wouldn't throw up from the excitement of his touch.
When we got inside, he spilled his guts. I got to know the entire backstory between the two of them from start to finish. I had to admit that hearing how much Danny put up with regarding Vincenzo, made me feel bad for him. Danny's loyalty was something that was rare to find in really anyone. And to be loved so sincerely for so long was just a beautiful notion. Vincenzo didn't deserve someone like Danny in his life, so I'll treat him better.
Luckily there was no romantic history between them.
"Looking back, if I had let it go there, I wouldn't have gotten beaten up this time," Danny concluded his long rant with a sigh.
"Bullshit! Your revenge was letting him take responsibility for all of his lies! You didn't ask for any of this and none of your actions warranted any of what they did to you!" I slammed my fist on the steering wheel furious that he would blame himself for the actions of someone else being childish.
Danny had such bad taste in men! Vincenzo was such an undeserving asshole to make him feel that way. If anything, I just wish Danny would just forget about him so he didn't have to experience all this.
If I kicked Vincenzo's ass, would Danny be upset?
"If it weren't for you, I'd still be miserable," Danny chuckled. The worry seemed to be fading."You're not scary at all, I don't understand why people fear a big teddy bear like you so much."
"It's just because I look scary," I ruffled his hair to distract him from the blush threatening to appear on my face. I just wanted to confess to him now, but my stupid stomach ruined my nerve. "Should we head to your house for dinner?"
"Yes!" Danny laughed. I was glad he agreed to have dinner with me. Vincenzo is his next door neighbor, that's especially why I want to send him back, because I don't want them to see each other. I know their friendship is in pieces, but I couldn't help but worry.
We had dinner as we had been lately without interruption, and I could feel a lighter energy from Danny for the first time in a bit. It just filled me with a whole lot of joy just to see him smiling.
In the past I was always alone and couldn't really understand the feelings of friendship, so I was in no place to try and judge it. But that just raises the question if I had the right to push this beyond a friendship.
The next day went as normal, I picked Danny up for school, we went to class together, ate lunch together, then went home together. I dropped him off and hurried home before the rain started to pour down on me.
It felt completely different since I had gotten so used to hanging out with Danny. I want to get there early tomorrow just so I can see his face more and more. Would Danny find it weird if I told him that I wished he was here with me right now? Do normal friends do that?
We'd usually still be hanging out at this time, but now time goes by so slowly. Mostly because I was extremely bored.
I've never put aside any of my time for anyone else before, maybe I should surprise him. When he sees me, I wonder if he'll get shocked at my popping up. I changed out of my school uniform into something more cool to impress Dan.
Why am I just assuming he'd like it if I came over? I'm not exactly someone he's known long enough to be excited over like he would Vincenzo. Will it effect him if I just pop up at his house even though he told me to go home because of the rain?
I hopped in my car before my insecurities could stop me from going thru with my impulsive plan. I started the car and started on my way to his house. I have absolutely no idea why I'm being so damn impulsive, I just know that I wanted to go regardless of Danny's reaction.
My phone buzzed and, to my delight, it was Danny. "Hello!" My voice cracked.
""Hey, are you busy?"" Danny asked. He sounded absolutely exhausted like before. ""Sounds like you're driving. If this isn't a good time-""
"I'm not busy! Should I come over?!" I asked eagerly.
""I know I told you to go home, but if you don't mind, I'd like you to come back over. Something happened and I'd like it if you were here with me,"" he said nervously.
"Well lucky for you, I'm about a minute away."
""Oh, you're so close!"" Shit, I should've played it cool! Am I weirding him out? I was turning the corner onto his street now.
"Ye-yeah, I was just driving around bored, but I'm pulling up to your house now," I told him and hung up the phone. How do I explain myself to him what I was doing driving around aimlessly now? I pulled my car into the driveway and hopped out trying my hardest to remain calm and collected.
This is the second time he's called me over and he looks sad. Would I be able to hold him close to me again? Would I be able to cuddle him back to sleep like I did before? Would be able to get closer like last time?
"Ashton!" Danny ran up to my car.
"What're you doing out in the rain? You're completely drenched!" I took off my jacket and covered his head up. "Don't you know you can get sick out here in the freezing rain like this? You barely have anything on!"
"Oh, I was just-"
"Why are you here?" I heard someone else say. Danny froze and turned his head slightly so we were both looking at Vincenzo, who was giving me a horrendous glare. "Why are you here for him? Are you pushing yourself on him again?"
"Vincenzo, I called him to hang out with me." Danny looked visibly annoyed that Vincenzo was clearly ignoring him to glare at me. "What are you doing back out here? Go back to your house!"
"If I had known you'd call this kind of guy right away, I would've stayed over," Vincenzo spat. I grimaced at the fact that he was in Danny's space again. Did they manage to make up? Even after Vincenzo acted like such a jackass towards him?
"Why do you care?" I asked. "What i do doesn't concern you does it?"
"I have more of a right to know about what goes on here than you do," Vincenzo pointed out.
I returned his glare. Why was he suddenly getting so crass with me? He never cared about anything I did but had lots of criticism when it came to Danny and I hanging out. I clenched my fists ready to throw down. "Then do something about me being here since you're so bothered!"
"What a shit guy!" Vincenzo laughed. "Getting so full of himself just because someone was a little nice to him! You have no-"
"What's wrong with Ashton?" Danny hissed back cutting off Vincenzo's shitty comments. Of course Danny could salvage his friendship with Vincenzo, he was such a nice person, but why does it have to be with Vincenzo. "Ashton, go inside please? I have to say something important to Vincenzo."
Vincenzo shot me a shit eating smile when Danny said this, because he knew I had no right to refuse this request. He knew I wouldn't refuse. It felt like he was taunting me for getting close to Danny for some reason.
I swallowed my discontent and went inside Danny's home. The way I handled this could've been completely different actually. If Danny wasn't there, I would've punched Vincenzo right in his face like he deserved without prompt. I still should beat the shit out of him for being so damn manipulative.
When he saw me, he looked as though he saw an unwanted guest. I couldn't mistake the one look that I'm extremely used too. I just wondered why it had started only after I had taken interest in Danny.
And if it was that obvious that I like Danny, why would he not pick up on it yet? He's definitely the smartest guy I knew.
"Sorry, that guy is going through a lot," Danny sighed finally joining me in the living room. "He ran away, and I went to go find him." Danny informed me of how he spent the last few hours after school today, and it just made me upset how he could make me sympathize with trashy Vincenzo. It explains his behavior but it still doesn't excuse it.
"It's alright, I acted childish too," I waved off the explanation in frustration. I just hated seeing him look like a guilty puppy. "Are we similar at all?"
"Your only similarity is that you're both handsome. Don't worry about what he said to you, I gave him shit for it," Danny picked up a towel that was in the living room closet and started to dry his head off. "You won't have to worry about it anyway, he'll only come find me if he needs something."
"If you two are cool, he would definitely take some time for you." Just like I was doing! "He's not a good friend in any way."
"Right! I thought so too, I've known him for so long that I just got used to enduring it. It's stupid, I know. I wonder if that guy is still my best friend?"
"R-right! You should go change into something dry and warm up."
"Ok! I'll order us a pizza while I do that!" Danny smiled and scurried to his room. Boy did I want to go with him, but I was a bit stunned.
He still considers Vincenzo his Best friend no matter what. How could I not have thought about that all this time? Danny is my only friend, but Danny's best friend isn't me. Throughly thinking about it, it makes a lot of sense. I would've never met Danny had it not been for Vincenzo.
After seeing Danny and Vincenzo together, I couldn't help but feel my jealousy creeping up more. They've known each other since they were in diapers and their families get along well. They'd take classes together and go on vacations together, they even went to therapy together. What actually qualified me to be Danny's friend at all? It's only because Danny is super nice that he decided to get to know me in the first place. Compared to that guy, I'm actually quite inferior.
No wonder Vincenzo was so smug. I'm such an outsider than it hurts. It's only a matter of time before he goes running back to Vincenzo.
"Ashton? You don't look so good. Are you ok?" Danny suddenly appeared from his room. Stop being depressed over hypotheticals, Ashton!
"I'm ok, just getting a bit depressed."
"Must be the scenery, huh? It does feel pretty gloomy in the house lately. Next time let's go to your house." Danny suggested. "I've never gone so it might be more fun."
"My house?" Why does he want to come to my house? Have we finally gotten close enough for that? My house is boring and there's nothing to do. My parents would just talk his ear off about organic farming and animals. Even though since a long time ago, I've always wanted to be like other people and invite my friends over, but I never got to due to my lack of friends.
"I can't?"
"Of course you can! I've never had a friend over before so I just got surprised," I told him.
"What kind of blankets do you use? Or do you even need one since you're so big? You produce a lot of heat." He would know that better than anyone.
"Blankets? Are you planning on sleeping over?"
"Duh!"
Duh? He took the initiative to ask to come over to my house! Are we closer than I'm thinking we actually are? He's really going to come over to my house soon! And he'll sleep over!
Would I be able to act out my fantasy on him?
"Sounds good," I smiled secretly. My heart was about to beat out of chest as I imagined Danny sleeping in my bed panting heavily. Danny ruffled my hair like I often did to him. It was soft and gentle like his touch always was.
I shot him a look and he instantly drew his hand back. "Oh, I'm sorry, did that upset you?"
"No! I'm not mad at all!" I cursed my face for not being able to anything but a fierce expression. If it were anyone else who did this to me, I'd have tried to kill then by now. But Danny is really different. "Just surprised! I swear! But why did you...."
"Pat your head? I just wanted too." Why do I want to know why he did that so badly? I'm actually extremely happy that he did that.
"Don't be alarmed, you can pat my head anytime you want," I stupidly said. Was it weird that I told him this? I'm afraid he won't come near me if I didn't explain this to him.
"So touching your head is alright? What, am I getting special treatment?" Danny joked not knowing that he was correct.
He is getting special treatment from me. Lots of things, if it were someone else I'd be extremely pissed, but if it's Danny then I just worry he won't do it again. If that wasn't special treatment, I wasn't sure what was.
"Yeah, it's special treatment," I confessed. Danny looked at me as if he were puzzled. Before he could ask me what I meant, the doorbell rang breaking out intense eye contact.
"That's the pizza," Danny got up from the couch and ran to answer the door.
I'm so stupid! I missed my chance to tell Danny just how important he was to me. I'm not someone who likes to talk a lot, but I would talk all day so he would understand that I really liked him. Because I usually talk about unrelated things to distract him, I haven't been able to convey a tenth of my feelings to him.
"Let's eat!" Danny skipped back into the living room happily with the pizza. How do I make him see my sincerity? While sitting down, Danny lost his balance and fell onto my lap. "Oh sorry."
He's laying on me! Face up! He's so close I could really kiss him. "All good."
"That actually kind of hurt, you're all hard muscle," Danny started to feel my arms up. Both of his hands couldn't wrap around my bicep, which seemed to really impress him. He looked seriously cute right now. "How'd you get this big?"
You! "Must be the farmer in me."
"Oh yeah, you were born on a farm right? Every time I've went to the countryside, I've gotten extremely sick for some reason," Danny smoothly transitioned our talk. Could he tell that I was way too flustered to even think? I eventually picked up a piece of pizza and started to eat.
When we finished eating I could feel my impatience reaching a peak. But when I turned to face Danny, my resolve was lost. He looked like he was getting sick already from the rain.
"It's pretty late. I'm tired, where's the blanket?" I said while simultaneously feeling his forehead. He was hotter than usual, so my fears were correct. "You must be as well."
"You can use my bed, blankets are already there."
"What?"
"You can use my bed, I'll sleep on the couch," Danny offered. Oh hell no. He needed to just climb into bed and get better quickly. I'm afraid that I'll make him uncomfortable and he won't invite me over anymore. What if he sleeps uncomfortably and changed his mind about coming over?
"How can I do that to a sick person?" I said. Danny immediately removed my hand from his forehead angrily. "Don't be upset, I'm not making fun of you. But you're getting sick because you were in the cold rain too long."
"Fine, we'll just sleep together," Danny said. I could feel my dick twitch. Calm down! He just means we'll sleep in the same bed! "It's not like we haven't before."
"O-ok," I couldn't help but wonder if I heard him wrong. His bed can indeed fit us both like last time, but I've never slept with anyone in he same bed until I met Danny. What if I'm noisy when I sleep? What if I hog the blankets and start snoring?
What if I fart myself awake? Or worse, fart and wake him up? I can't go on like this!
"On second thought, you take the bed. I don't want to disturb you-"
"I sleep like a rock when I get fevers, even if you kick me, I won't wake up. If anything, you'll probably wake up in my sweat." Danny warned. Since it's already settled I'll stop overthinking it and just go with the flow.
"I'll go get the bed ready then," I conceded. If he wants me in his bed, who was I to say no?
"I'll help!"
"Nah, just throw away the pizza box and I'll get get the bed ready. You shouldn't do too much in the first place," I insisted and went straight for Danny's room.
Entering, the smell of Lavender Fabuloso, topical cream and Vanilla filled my nose. It was impressive how just the sight of his room this time was making me think differently about him.
I went over to his neatly made bed. There was nothing for me to get ready at all, except my own feelings.
"I borrowed some clothes from my dad," Danny walked into the room and handed me the clothes. The pants were definitely too small but I could maybe salvage the shirt. I must've used the biggest clothes last time I was over.
I took my shirt off and tried it on but as soon as I tried to put my arm thru the hole, I heard the fabric tear. "Um-"
"You giant bear!" Danny exclaimed and rushed to help me pull the ruined shirt back off over my head. "I guess you're in your boxers tonight, I'll turn the heat up."
My boxers?! If I get a hard on, there's no way to hide it! I nervously slipped into Danny's bed after removing my pants. To my surprise, Danny came back into the room in just his boxers as well.
"Your clothes-"
"If I keep them on, I'll sweat more because the heat is high," Danny interrupted. Was he ok being next to me like this? Did he know what he was implying towards me? A gay man? Attracted to him?
Shit, did he even know? I'm sure i told him that I was gay, but he still initiated and told me that he wanted to sleep together with me. I couldn't help but compare my other overnight trips to this. Everyone made a clear effort to keep away from me, whereas Danny embraced everything about me.
After meeting Danny, everyday is really becoming the happiest day of my life. I have a feeling that I might be able to sleep better than usual tonight.
Danny slipped under his covers and slid in next to me and gave me an adorable smile. "Turn off the lamp on your side."
Good sleep my ass.
My desires have been left unsatisfied, I've never been laying next to someone in my underwear before. I've never even slept in the same bed but anyone but my parents. So how could I possibly sleep with my crush next to me?
"Have you ever had a sleepover before?" Danny asked. He sounded even cuter now that I couldn't see him at all.
"Oh, no, I've only read about them...or seen them in movies," I admitted. We went on speaking about unimportant things until I realized that he had finally fallen asleep.
I'm crazy to think of my first friend this way. I'm getting agitated the more I realize that I can't do anything to him. I just wanted to pull him closer to me and kiss him on those pale lips. I wanted to kiss away the worries he had about everything. I wanted to hold him all night.
I can't help but think about dirty things! It's going to be a really long night for me.
When I woke up in the morning, I immediately felt around for Danny. Maybe I could fake that I'm holding him in my sleep. I soon gave up and opened my eyes when I couldn't feel him next to me.
I must've stayed up for a while just fantasizing about Danny for almost the entire night. Bad habits are hard to get rid of aren't they. I'm being to much!
"Look who's awake!" I heard Danny say from the doorway. He was still in his boxers and he was holding a tray full of food. This time I took in the look of his body more thoroughly. He was really skinny and I could see his ribs a bit, his thinning hair was in a poof ball static mess, his face still held his sexy tired aura firmly on it. Still his body looked extremely slender and sexy. "I used extra eggs for your omelette. You look like you need a big breakfast."
"You made it?" I asked. I'm in his bed almost naked and now he's serving me breakfast he made? I must've done something amazing in a past life to deserve this. No body but my mother has ever cooked for me and have their food taste this good in the morning.
"How is it?"
"It's delicious," I said with a full mouth of egg and bacon. Even the biscuits he made was amazing. Danny was a complete package if I had ever seen one. I held out a piece of bacon for him and he grabbed it with his mouth. His lips touched my fingers!
He probably doesn't even care about things like these, I'm sure that I'm the only one becoming flushed by every little thing. It'll soon be hard to maintain any kind of relationship with him if I keep these feelings bottled up.
Wanting to be normal is hard. Even though I'm not sure if this is the right choice, I don't want to give up my good times with him. If I had never felt anything, I could've just let this go. However after knowing the happiness I probably can't have, I find reality to be cruel.
I'm not sure if Danny can figure out how timid and insecure I actually was, but I was sure that it would never bother him. If I really want to stand by him, do I have to be prepared for the worst?
I looked over at Danny's lovely face again to see him a bit downcast. "Um, you look a little down."
"Ha, I can't hide a thing from you," Danny muttered. I messed up, didn't I? Pointing out the obvious wasn't the move when it came to him.
"Sorry?"
"Why are you so nice to me?" Danny asked. What should I even say? That I thought he'd really love it. Isn't being nice expected of me? You're kind to me, you warm my heart, and we get along really well. You don't treat me as if I'm some fucked up ticking time bomb, and I want to treat you well so I can stay next to you. If I can do that, I'll do anything.
"We're really close-"
"If you treat me so well...." A tear escaped Danny's eye. I hated seeing people cry, but it scared me more to see Danny cry. When I saw tears before, I just found it annoying but now my heart is aching for him.
"It's because you were nice to me first." I told him. "Am I not allowed to be good to you?"
"You can, I just don't know why you would want to?"
Was he insecure as well? Why now? "Take it easy and eat something."
"I ate an omelette, three eggs!"
"You eat so little, no wonder you aren't growing at all." I grabbed his small hand.
"I'm average height!"
"I guess a bit above average height," I teased.
"Not only am I tall, I have muscle too, see!" Danny flexed his skinny arm and I felt it. There was a tiny bit of muscle there indeed, and it was cute how hard he was flexing.
"You call this soft flesh muscle?" I laughed as Danny's face turned tomato red. I flexed my arm for him to feel and he squeezed with all his might to no avail. "These are muscles."
"These are rock solid!" Danny started to feel my stomach and sides and even rubbed my thigh a bit. "Wow, it feels like I'm touching a huge statue! Amazing!" He thinks my body is amazing! And he's feeling me up everywhere but my dick. Calm down Ashton! "You ok?"
"Yeah, you should eat more and do some exercise, if not you'll never bulk up like me," I said after finally calming down.
"Geez, you have to call me out on the simplest things don't you?" Danny laughed.
I finished my breakfast and got dressed in my clothes. Last night wasn't any different than usual, we just got a tiny bit closer than we were before. If I keep getting close to him and having these kind of reactions, then I shouldn't continue being near him.
But I want to be closer to him, closer than Vincenzo. I know this might just be a fantasy, but I can at least hope for it. My body won't stop reacting to him, as if it's warning me that I'm a beast about to pounce on my pray. If it continues I wonder what I'll end up doing to him?
"I'll get going now," I ruffled his thin hair as he stood next to my car with me. "Even though I'm not sure what happened to make you ask me that question, whenever you feel upset or sad, you can always count on me. When it comes to you I'm serious, so don't just brush it off."
"Ok, thank you, Ashton," Danny gave me his shining smile. I smiled back at him trying to prevent my heart from stopping.
I felt like I had to keep a distance from him, but it isn't easy. As soon as I left, I felt seriously anxious and get worried about how he's doing. How could I have forgotten that he looked sick last night? I got so in my head about my own feelings that I had forgot to focus on Danny.
In the end, I wanted to go back to his house. Why did I leave now? It wasn't like we would make it into school on time anyway as it was around lunch time, I should've stayed. I had to have him all for myself, I wanted him to only want me back. I want to be the only one he's comfortable with and get even closer to him. I wanted him to have my babies. If only I could posses him, I'll do anything.
Yeah, I need to confess.