I tried to think fast and act still faster. But the pain on my side didn't let me to stand up as nimble as I required. Even so I did it to run away from there as quickly as possible.
- Where are you going, bitch? In that position it suited fine to me.
I recognized the guy who threw me on the air as though I was a ping pong ball but the fear collapsed all my senses. I just wanted get the door and it seemed that door was in other planet.
- Do you think we don't know your job in this tour? Do your job and stop making a scene.
The boy, he might be no more than 20 years old, put his hand on my crotch without thinking and then the survival instinct awoke and I kicked my knee to his crotch too. Instantly he fell on the floor howling and cursing me. I started running but another one dragged me by the hair getting me away from my exit once again.
- What is your problem about doing your job? -he stared at me scornful.
They were high and drunk and they were three. Crazed and intimidated by the tremendous pain in my roots hair, I grabbed his face and sunk my nails into it. My rage made that blood tracks started to rolling along his face.
- Bad whore! -he shouted slapping my face.
I fell down the floor again but before getting up once more, he hit my face again with his fist. I was getting stunned more and more to defend me enough against these violent beasts.
Stumbling, he took me to bed and terrified, I fought, shouting. I couldn't believe what it did unleash there. Was I going to be raped by a drunk and coked-up roadie? This must be a nightmare.
He got a grip of my t-shirt and with a blow he ripped it off by half. I tried to cover myself choking a frightening scream and wrestling to keep him apart.
- Shane, leave it alone. It's enough. We're getting into trouble -a third warned by the door.
I crawled back nervous to the headboard searching something with which hit him and keep him at bay. But time didn't seem to be on my side now. Everything went dizzily fast. He grabbed me by the ankles dragging me over the bed and face down as I was, fiercely tried to pull my pants down. Meanwhile I tried to get rid of his weight above me, failing.
Then, when my strenghts were diminishing and I crashed my eyes blurred with confusion and panic on the messy sheets, I overheard a humming.
Suddenly I hadn't to fight anymore. No weight above me, no eager hands.
- Son of a bitch -I recognized the enraged voice.
I looked up, disoriented by the stress, the enormous accumulated tension. Freddie was smashing that guy's face against the table over and over again. I wanted to say to stop it but I felt my strenghts didn't let me standing uptight. There was no need to say anything. He finished off with him kicking him out of the room. There was more people around. Voices, cursing, blows.
Freddie approached me in bed where I was lying face down so weak to stand uptight. He pulled my pants up quickly and softly turned me watching my body closely as though it could lack any of my limbs. Seeing my ripped t-shirt he bit his lips embarrased and without thinking he took off his jacket and draped it over my shoulders, covering me.
- Nothing happened. Easy -I tried make it clear.
He mumbled a furious "Fuck" and delicately he carried me away in his arms. I couldn't even enjoy that strangely intimate moment. While he took me flash along the corridor I mumbled:
- At the end you've saved me instead I've saved...
I didn't finished my sentence. Just then I fainted.
Recovering my conscience I noticed I wasn't at my room. The bed was placed differently. The smell was pleasant, familiar.
- Thank goodness. She's opening her eyes -someone mumbled far away and so far I couldn't distinguish.
I opened my eyes wider and checked I was surrounded by Roger, Brian, John and Freddie. Although in that moment I thought I've passed with high marks the life exam and had four angels who introduced me God.
- How are you feeling, baby?
Roger, always impulsive kneeled down at the bed grabbing my hand with worried face. His blue eyes in his frowning forehead seemed to me more beautiful than ever.
- Fine -I answered faintly touching my head.
John approached me from the other side, though more delicately than Roger, smiling at me. His smile was again a coat against the freezing cold.
- You've been unconscious a few minutes.
- Just a few minutes?
It seemed to me I was at coma one week at least. John nodded smiling.
- But they looked like years.
- Brian... -I mumbled seeing him standing there, with his arms folded.
- Tell me, darling... What's up?
- The book... your book...
Foolishly I only thought of his book, torn apart and I wanted to apologize. But suddenly the tears which I didn't cry, tumbled unexpectedly.
- Eli, take it easy. Don't talk any longer. Try get some sleep -Brian whispered touching my cheek with his soft curls and kissing it.
- Maybe you should leave, boys.
Freddie, who was much further away, talked for the first time.
- I'm taking care. It's better she sleeps on my bed tonight. She can't be alone.
- I agree -John agreed leaning to kiss my forehead-. Sleep quietly. Here you are safe.
- Ian and everybody in Mott are very upset with what happened. They're teaching those bastards a lesson -Roger growled.
- It's enough. Don't talk to her about it -Freddie settled restless.
- I'm sorry, babe. Those swines had escaped from me alive -Roger couldn't help insist.
I stared at him with love among the tears. My impulsive blonde. Brian said goodbye kissing gently my hand.
I was in Freddie's room. That's why the familiar smell. I would swear it was the same that filled Holland Park and Stafford Terrace round about 1984. I tried to change my position in bed but I screamed of pain. My side was killing me. Freddie went over quickly by my side.
- Where do you hurt?
- My side.
- We might call the doctor. I hope you don't have a broken rib. Does it hurt when you breathe?
- No, I started to breathe when I saw you there -I opened my arms asking him to hug me.
Instead of a hug he placed delicately his body beside mine and I could put my arms around him as much as I wanted. He feared to hurt me more.
- I didn't do anything -I searched his eyes.
- Darling, don't say nonsense. The only ones who did something were those rotters -he pressed tightly his lips against my tears.
- Is it true they aren't on tour anymore? -I asked restless.
- Don't you worry about anything. You won't have to see them again and this will set a precedent for the rest of the roadies. I assure you that they won't get loose from now on.
- I'm sorry for bothering you. I'm getting into troubles constantly. Could you help me?
I sat up a little to take off his jacket. I watched my ripped tshirt by the half. I didn't wear bra but my breasts were barely shown. I clicked my tongue upset and Freddie, also distressed, helped me to take off the uncomfortable rag.
- Hang on, I'm helping you -he took it off easily out of my arms.
He stared at my breasts an instant to grab one of his t-shirts and put it into my head.
- Better? -he smiled at me soothing.
I nodded vehemently to indicate him to lay down beside me again. I curled against his chin. He needed a shaving because it stung against my forehead but there was nothing more pleasant. I closed my eyes and slept soundly.
The next day I knew it better. After some hours the pain at the side worsened. I opened my eyes and once I situated, it took me some seconds, I recalled everything. What happened, the reason of my pains and where I was. It was hard to avoid it. I had Freddie's amazing, restless and impatient eyes devouring each one of my pain gestures.
- I gotta go to the bathroom -I announced plaintive.
- I'm helping you. Slow.
- Freddie, would you mind going my room and take my bag? I need it.
- Do you prefer I take you there?
- Ok, but don't move away.
- I won't move -he assured me with softened smile.
My God, my side. I had a huge bruise and hurted me so bad. I watched the bruise still red and looked at myself in the mirror. My hair looked like a lion and I my lower lip looked a bit swollen. Nothing too much serious.
I took out my phone to charge it properly, there was still 33% but it never hurts charge it completely. I didn't know how I was going to tell Fooling the incident. If I did probably he told me to return inmediately.
For the first time in our mission I decided consciously keeping my mouth shut. On my report there would be no trace. I tried to think what happened yesterday avoiding those beasts and I couldn't remember anything. That brutal act filled everything. I didn't even remember which Burr's page I was rereading.
I placed my nervous fingers on the virtual keys. I wasn't able to write anything. I was paralized.
- Elideth, are you feeling well? Can I help you? -Freddie asked obliging from outside.
- No, thank you so much. But don't you go.
- I won't.
"25th april 1974. Another boring transition day till the show tomorrow. I've read again a book just published that I will read it myself within 40 years. The adventures of vicepresident Jefferson have been the most vibrant I've experienced. I'm still safe and sound. Roger looks at me like a beating dog, John smiled at me and Brian had showed me his trust. I think he suffers still strong pains in his arm. So far his face looks not too much yellow. Freddie... Freddie is strangely quiet. I'm sure the storm is coming".
I read twice my report before send it to him. I concluded it sounded believable. I pressed to send and got into the bath tub as though I could wipe away all the filth with a good bath.
Getting out of the bath tub was an odyssey. I got dressed as I could and left my hair wet. I didn't feel like make myself presentable, just laying in bed.
Freddie placed me a handkerchief on the bruise and placed an ice pack over, ordered me to keep it still for ten minutes.
- Yes, doctor -I smiled.
- We should have done it last night and now you wouldn't be like this.
- Last night you saved my life -I stared at him-. I didn't even thank you.
- Come on, Eli. There are things there's no need to say. We made what we should.
- I swear I will save your life too -I said very serious.
Freddie looked at me frowning. He didn't understand anything, of course. If I had it clear that's enough. He rolled my wet hair around his hand as a wool ball while he stared at my lip. Then naturally he kissed it. It was a quick and tender peck. I stand up to kiss him. He let go of my lock letting it fall on the pillow, curled. Then I sat up from bed struggling.
- What are you doing?
I didn't answer. I threw the ice pack and the handkerchief which protect me to a chair and went up to the door locking it down. I leant my knees on bed again while Freddie watched me confused and you could say almost hurt. I avoided those not very receptive signs for his part and wrapped my arms around him as I could, trying to make disappear the pain on my side.
- Darling, place that pack, come on. You have to cure.
- You are my ice pack. Can't you see?
Freddie avoided the kiss to his lips, pulling me away in the most elegant and compassionate way but pulling me away indeed. I looked at him dismayed.
Freddie, playing down again my out of place acts, grabbed the handkerchief and the ice pack and placed them again over my side. I wanted to slap my face twice for what I've just done. I've lost my control. Suddenly it was as though I landed to the harsh reality and trusted Freddie would took it for a typical reaction to my unbalance what I've lived yesterday. It was like this to a large extent. All the negative feelings that I couldn't share, got out messy.
- Just ten minutes more, ok?
He gave me a kiss on my forehead lingering his pursing lips there an eternity. Trying to cure everything with them. I felt ashamed and ridiculous.
- Freddie, could you leave me alone?
- Are you sure?
- Very sure. I want to be alone the rest of the day. Please, I don't want to be disturbed by anyone.
- As you like, mousy. I'm coming to kiss you goodnight after the show, ok? -he kissed again my forehead and he left.
When he disappeared I threw away the pack at the other side of the room as though it was a rugby ball and buried my face on the pillow crying my heart out.
When I woke up hours later I found a table of room service with juice, espresso coffee maker still warm, pancakes with cramberries and lifting a lid a plate of some tasty sausages. There was a note glued to the lid with a handwriting which I recognized from that embryo of Sheer Heart Attack. I read it curious. It was a messy and restless handwriting. "Eat them up. Yours, Roger". I laughed and melted my heart.
My injured self-esteem which Freddie had ended up to waste with such a flat rejection, awoke a little. I thought after all Freddie's reaction was to be expected. He belonged in body and soul to Mary and he was faithful to her. Like New Orleans night when he rejected the siren calls of gays clubs.
And that it was good to my mission. Keeping faithful to Mary would get him away from endless dangers. It was positive. I tried to playing down my reaction as best as I could. The shock I've suffered and not being able to share the frustration I felt with Fooling, drove me mad.
The show started at 7:30 p.m. I would attend as I've been done since I was part of that Queen II tour. So drawing apart all my terrible nightmares I got ready carefully. I wore for the first time the romantic pale pink dress, with huge sleeves and tightly cuffs. Square neckline and a flower arranging brooched at my waist. I caressed the fabric which fell along my hips till hanging a little below my knees. I painted my lips with a similar pink as the dress and decided to pick up my hair in a pony tail finishing up curling my eyelashes.
Ash, you are stronger than all the wrong things that happened to you. Don't forget, I said pointing myself at the mirror.
- Tesli. The boys told me you felt unwell and there you are. You are like the good fairy of the children tales.
I laughed. Ratty, colleague and probably mate of gallivanting with those three monsters, was unaware of what happened to me. So far my thorny incident didn't seem to spread around. At least within Queen roadies. It was a delicate and unpleasant topic and their discretion was appreciated but I knew as well that it could be hard to hide.
- I'm feeling better. I don't wanna miss the show.
- Cool. I'm going to the theatre to get ready the soundcheck. Would you like to come?
I shook my head several times making a weird face, as though what he proposed me was a total absurd.
- Well, alright. We don't eat, ok? We wouldn't even eat you.
I swallowed hard. I trusted Ratty and with doubts, a couple more. The rest of the tour I would never got near the roadies comfortably like sometimes in the past did.
- See you later, Rat.
- Are you sure you're ok?
- Of course -I winked at him.
- Eli, I'm glad to see you. We thought you wouldn't come up -he gave me a tender hug.
John managed to turn up when I most needed him.
- Come with me. You're surprising everybody. We didn't expect you. Are you alright?
- I don't want to miss any of your shows.
- We had a meeting but it's almost finished. Come in.
- No, no. I'm waiting outside, you'll have important things to deal with...
- I've told you it's over and although it wasn't, don't stay here alone.
- John, it flatters me you protect me but... really, I'm fine. I'm not changing my habits. I won't do it.
- You better do. Last night you frightened us.
Queen meetings usually were a chance to arguments. If these four met there always were fights. I've never met four personalities so different and volcanic. They used to fight like kids.
- Look what I've found -John announced joyful.
The three were fighting. Brian gesticulated like crazy before Freddie as though he rebuked him. John, probably the most calm of the four, would getting out to take a break. The atmosphere could cut with a knife. When they greeted me with affection everything seemed to vanish so far.
- You look good -Brian flattered pulling me into a big hug-. Won't you come to the concert?
- I think I can't live without your concerts -I smiled.
- My princess -Roger came up with his mischievous smile which I liked so much-. Come here.
He took me in his arms lifting me off the floor.
- Are you feel better? I thought that...
I put my arms around him tightly and wrapped his neck with my hands. Without thinking I gave him three pecks in his mouth. Tiny and impulsive, like explosives streams of affection. Roger kissed me back to the last one and I couldn't stop kissing him for quite a while. I needed express my appreciation for his three impulsive words which they meant so much to me that afternoon. Sometimes the most ridiculous and small things were the most meaningful.
- Does it mean you liked the sausages? -Roger asked placing me back at the floor.
- Darling, they were cold. But at the end you made me think of you the rest of the day.
Just then I saw Freddie getting closer to us.
- Is there no hello for me? -he asked raising a brow.
- Hello -I waved without letting go Roger.
I didn't want to be ungrateful. Freddie had saved me from being raped, Freddie had smashed that swine's face and Freddie was the key to fall asleep that night. I was in debt with him but it was painful for me looking at him when I showed myself up so. It was not ingratitude, it was pure and simple shame.