What
"What? Anong uuwi, Tristan?" I replied confused and got up from bed. "Your contract isn't about to end yet, may ilang months ka pa Tristan. Ano ba ang nangyayari?" I added confused and lost as to what the matter really is.
"Shan, I'll ta..lk to you when I arrive." He replied while he heaved a deep sigh then I heard him sob.
My heart ached when I heard another sob from him at kinabahan ng husto.
"Tristan, please what is happening? Are you okay? Baby, tell me." I asked panicking as tears fell in my face. I am beyond worried about him.
"Just.. just wait for me." He replied before cutting the line and never called me again.
Wala akong tulog sa kakaisip kung anong nangyari. I contacted his parents and rose and none of them was telling me anything. Uuwi sya bukas but he will arrive 2 days from now pa dahil mahaba ang magiging byahe nila and wala na sila sa Singapore.
To: Irene
Can't go to school today. Will update you soon.
I clicked send then drove to the airport. Tristan will arrive today and damn para akong baliw sa two days na walang alam kung ano ang nangyayari. Nag punta ako sa bahay nila at walang sinabi ang mommy at daddy nya sakin pero umiyak ang mommy nya kaya mas lalo lang akong kinabahan.
I arrived at Mactan International Airport at dumiretso na ako sa International arrival at dun nakita ko ang parents ni Tristan na naghihintay rin. His mom and dad gave me a tight hug but did not say anything, ako rin wala na akong sinabi dahil hindi ko na alam. Ramdam ko ang matinding kaba ng mga magulang nya. They can't even look me in the eye.
I was just sitting patiently but deep inside nababaliw na ako.
"He's here."
I heard his dad say and I stood up immediately. Despite the fear that I'm feeling right now, excited parin ako dahil miss na miss ko na sya. I walked towards the railing that's separating us and I gave out a smile when I saw him walking towards us with his luggage.
He looked tired and sad. Our eyes met and he looked away immediately. He didn't look at me instead he bowed his head and continued walking towards us.
He almost seemed guilty.
"Tristan." I said when he was already in front of me and not looking at me.
"Tristan! Anong pumasok sa utak mo ha?! Gago ka!" I heard his mom say as a sob escaped her mouth and the next thing I knew she slapped him hard. My eyes widened at what happened and I quickly went over to Tristan to comfort him and he stiffened with my touch.
Napaatras ako sa ginawa nya, gulong gulo na. It broke my heart. May kasalanan ba ako? Wala naman akong masamang ginagawa.
Bakit? Bakit galit ang mommy nya? Tristan didn't say anything he just stood in front of me while his dad escorted his mom back to their car leaving us alone.
"Tristan, what happened?" I asked slowly breaking the silence but before he could answer me something else caught my attention.
My eyes widened when I saw her.
Rose.
Rose is walking towards us with her luggage and I don't know why but I felt my heart stopped for a bit realizing something but I shrugged it off.
"Rose? Akala ko si Tristan lang ang uuwi?" I asked when she stood beside Tristan. "Shan, we need to talk." Tristan said finally, since he got here yan lang ang sinabi nya sakin. I just nodded staying as calm as possible. "Akala ko ikaw lang ang uuwi?" I asked him and looked at Rose, she was covered in a jacket.
"Rose, it's so hot here. Remove your jacket and kain muna tayo. I'll call your parents, babe." I said breaking the awkwardness as Rose nodded and removed her jacket slowly. I was about to call his parents but stopped when something caught my attention.
Rose removed her jacket and her belly is big.
My eyes widened and my jaw dropped at what I saw.
And it completed the puzzle.
"Shan, let's talk." Tristan said grabbing my hand but I pulled away immediately.
"What?" I asked tears starting to build up in my eyes. I am not gonna make a scene. My heart is beating fast and loud parang sasabog sa dibdib ko. Biglang sumikip ang paligid parang wala ng hangin sa dibdib ko.
Kahit wala pang sinasabi si Tristan sakin alam ko na, eh. Putang ina alam ko na. Hindi pwede ang magka relasyon na mga staff sa barko. If it happens legal actions will be implemented but pregnancy? That's something else.
Silang dalawa ang pinauwi at buntis si Rose. So ano pa ba ang dapat kong isipin?
Without second thoughts, I turned around and walked away. I'm not gonna make a scene. My tears fell faster than a water fall.
"Shan, please!" I heard Tristan call but I ignored it and ran to my car and drove as fast as I could.
Putang ina! Malaki na ang tyan ni Rose, kaya pala concerned na concerned si Tristan sa kanya dun sa barko, makes sense, huh?
Matagal na pala nila akong niloloko. Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko ngayon, walang tigil ang patak ng luha ko. My phone kept on ringing and alam ko kung sino yan. Alam kong si Tristan to. Fuck.
Fuck.
Is this really happening? Totoo ba to?
When I got home hindi ko na na park ng maayos ang sasakyan at dumiretso na sa kwarto ko at umiyak.
"Shantal? Bakit ka umiiyak?" I heard manang ask as she knocked on my door but I didn't say anything. Gulong gulo ang utak ko ngayon hindi ko na alam!
Walang tigil sa pag buhos ang mga luha ko. I just layed in bed crying while my phone kept on ringing. Hindi na rin ako ginulo ni manang dahil alam naman nya na walang mangyayari kapag ayaw kong makipag-usap.
I woke up from a knock on my door. Nakatulog na pala ako sa kakaiyak ko. I checked my phone, 10:30 PM. Great, ang tagal ko palang nakatulog.
52 missed calls
20 messages
And all from Tristan. I sighed and got up and walked to my walk in closet to grab a jacket not minding the knock on my door. Umupo ako sa sofa sa loob ng walk in closet ko and curled up like a baby as tears started to fall again.
Paano nya nagawa to?
"Shan? Hindi ka pa kumakain simula kanina." I heard manang say as she walked towards me. Hindi ko na namalayan na binuksan nya ang kwarto ko dahil sa kakaiyak. "Manang, please. I want to be alone." I said wiping my tears away with my jacket's sleeve. "I understand but Tristan's here. Kanina ka pa nga hinihintay sa labas." She replied and I sat down properly and stared at her not knowing what to do.
"Pag usapan nyo na, Shan. Walang magagawa ang pag takbo sa problema, mas lalo lang gugulo yan." She said before kissing my head and walked away closing the door.
She's right. Harapin na natin. Taposin na ang dapat taposin.
It's now or never.
Pero hindi ko alam, eh. Ano ang mangyayari ngayon? Handa ba ako para sa kung ano mang mangyari? Anong sasabihin ko? Hindi ko na alam, nangigibabaw ang sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon.
I walked out of my room and made my way downstairs but when I got down wala si Tristan. "Ma'am, nandun po sa labas si sir. Kahit anong pilit namin na papasukin sya ayaw nya po." Leng said when she saw me and I just nodded at her and made my way outside.
Ang lamig ng hangin ang bumati sakin pag labas ko and there I saw Tristan leaning against his car with his head bowed down. I walked closer to him and there I saw the tears in his eyes. I held back my tears, trying to stop them from falling but I just couldn't. Seeing the person I love the most at sya ring nanakit ng sobra sa akin.
"Tristan.." I called out and he quickly looked at me, surprised. He probably thought that I'm never gonna talk to him. "What are you doing here? Bakit hindi ka pumasok?" I added asking and hugged myself, heaved a deep sigh.
Kahit sinaktan ako ni Tristan ng grabe, I can't help it but worry about him. Kanina pa pala sya dito and he never went in. He just stayed here in the cold.
"I-I screwed up, shan.."He looked up straight to my eye with tears pouring. I can see that he is really hurting and it hurts me more. I closed my eyes tight as tears fell. A sob escaped his mouth as he looked down shaking his head. I sighed not knowing what to say.
"Bakit hindi ka muna pumasok?" I still asked the same question.
"Wala akong karapatang pumasok sa bahay mo, nasaktan kita, alam ko." He replied looking down and played with his fingers. He's nervous. I know him too well to realize his body language.
"Bakit, Tristan?" I asked as tears fell from my eyes again and a sob escaped my mouth and he quickly looked at me with so much pain in his eyes.
Pain? Anong karapatan mong masaktan Tristan?
"Wish I had a valid reason but I don't. I know sorry isn't enough but still, I want to say sorry. I'm really sorry shan." He replied and reached out for my hand. "What the fuck, Tristan? Yun na yun?!" I yelled as more tears fell from my eyes.
"I was drunk. Hindi ko na alam anong ginawa ko.. N.. Nangyari nalang." He replied and cried more while trying to reach out for me pero kahit gaano ko sya kamahal and no matter how much I long for his touch, hindi ko kaya sa ngayon. Ang bigat, sobra.
"So, all those times na nandun ako sa barko, buntis na sya, dba?" Even though alam ko na gusto ko parin marinig mismo sa kanya. He sighed defeated and looked at me nodding his head as new tears started pouring.
"I'm sorry, shan. I'm really sorry."
"Fuck! Tristan naman!" I broke down nanghina ang mga tuhod ko. Sobrang lamig ng pakiramdam ko.
"Ilang buwan na ang tyan nya?" I added while putting my hands on my hips.
"Six months.." He replied, more like a whisper.
Mas lalo lang akong naiyak sa sinabi nya. Six months, huh?
"Six months nyo na pala akong niloloko?" I asked in between sobs. He tried to grab my hand to hug me pero umilag ako. "Putang ina, Tristan! Putang ina!!!!!" I've been holding in it simula kanina sa airport hindi ko na kaya.
"Shan! It was a mistake. Alam mo naman na ikaw ang mahal ko-"
"Talaga?! Ako ba talaga, Tristan?" I cut him off and wiped my tears away.
"I gave you everything, Tristan. Lahat lahat! Kung alam ko lang na ito ang gagawin ko sakin? Sana, sana nag tira ako para sa sarili ko."