Beer
The next morning I woke up around 8 in the morning and I decided that I will be outside today. I'll go swimming and just stay under the sun.
I wore my black bikini and my birkenstock. Hindi ko na nadala ang Ipanema ko dahil sa pagmamadali sa pag impake ko sa gabing yun. I got my beach cardigan and wore it but my bikini is still visible. I took my key and locked my room and made my way to the restaurant. Today I also decided to finally eat one good meal. Ngayon lang.
When I got in the restaurant maraming guest ang kumakain ng breakfast. We have a breakfast buffet kaya hindi na kailangan mag order pa.
"Mabuti naman at lumabas ka na sa kwarto mo." Manang Elsa said as she pulled the nearest chair for me. I smiled at her and gave her a thumbs up because I didn't know what to say. I looked around admiring the view. The ocean looks good today. Na excite tuloy ako mag swimming. I got up and walked over to the buffet to get some food.
Maraming pagkain, may American style breakfast and Filipino style. I grabbed a plate and got some bacon, corned beef, egg and some rice. I was getting some bread when I felt someone beside me. I looked up and saw that it was the guy from last night. He glanced at me then went back to getting food. Suplado. I shrugged not saying anything. Paki ko sayo?
I walked back to my table and started eating. I called a waitress over and asked for some beer.
Beer is my best friend right now. Beer is my rebound. At least hindi tao ang ginawang rebound.
The waitress was hesitant at first dahil sobrang maaga pa daw para mag beer but her opinion doesn't really matter right now. I want some beer and I'm getting some.
"Ikawng bata ka talaga! Magkakasakit ka nyan! Ang aga aga beer kaagad!" Manang Elsa scolded me when she saw me drinking my second bottle of beer after eating breakfast. Some guest left already going to their planned activities while I stayed on my seat just admiring the ocean." Manang, please. I appreciate your concern but I'm fine. I'm really fine. Gusto ko lang mapag isa muna." I replied and gave her an apologetic smile. She sighed and nodded. "Tawagin mo lang kami kung may kailangan ka. Nanjan naman si Joy." She added and left.
Naka tatlong bottle ako ng beer before I decided to transfer near the ocean and one of the sun lounger but first I ordered one bucket of beer.
"Ahhh, this is the life." I say while laying down on my sun lounger and drank my beer. I know few guests were looking at me. I probably look like shit but the hell I care. That group of guys were also near the ocean but I minded my own business. I finished my fourth bottle of beer, medyo tipsy na and I decided to go for a swim. Hindi naman ako lasing kaya ko pa.
Hindi ako sanay uminom kaya hindi kaduda duda kung madali akong malasing or ma tipsy.
Palutang lutang lang ako sa dagat magdamag. Hindi crowded at napaka linis and the water is so clear with white sands. I stayed that way for a while taking in everything. Anong mangyayari sakin pag balik ko ng cebu? Paano kung mag kita kami? Ayoko ng umiyak. Pagod na ako. Pero bakit hindi nawawala ang sakit?
I went back to my sun lounger and drank some beer again then went back to swim then I'd go back to drink beer again. I was just like that the whole day at nakaubos na ako ng isang bucket ng beer but I order another one. The sun is already setting as I sat on the sand watching the ocean and the sunset with my best friend, my beer.
He could have been here with me, enjoying the sunset together and I wouldn't be drowning in beer right now but instead I'd be wrapped up in his arms. Hindi ko maiwasang umiyak sa mga naiisip. Malamig na ang simoy ng hangin and I'm still in my bikini but I don't care anymore. If I'd die right now, right here, I don't mind. It's a good place to die, total patay na rin naman ako deep inside.
"Ma'am, gabi na po. Kumain na kayo tsaka pasok na po kayo sa restaurant o sa kwarto nyo kasi malamig na po." I heard the concern in our employee's voice. I wiped my tears away and looked up to her. I'm still sitting in the sand. "Please, leave me alone. Wag nyo ako istorbohin, pwede ba?!" I snapped as more tears fell. She quickly nodded scared of my out burst and ran back to the restaurant leaving me alone. Madilim na and I decided to just go back to my sun lounger dahil ubos na din ang beer ko I need more.
I opened another bottle and drank. I just layed there not minding anything. "Tristan if only you were here. Tatanggapin ko naman Tristan eh. Wala akong paki kahit may anak ka sa iba, mahal kita at kaya kong tanggapin." I blurted out with my eyes closed but tears kept on falling.
Baliw na ata ako, kinakausap ko na ang sarili ko. No, it's not me, it's the beer that's talking.
"Kung gusto mo, ako ang magpapaka nanay sa anak mo!" I yelled and sat down hugging my knees and sobbed. "Para mo akong pinatay Tristan! Sana pinatay mo nalang talaga ako!!!" I yelled even harder wala na akong paki kung sino man ang makarinig. I sobbed and drank my beer and layed back until I felt something wet fell on my face and body.
It's raining.
I laughed when I felt the rain running through my body.
But I didn't care. I just stayed there laying down till the rain drops on my body started to tickle and I started laughing again while catching the rain on my palms. I grabbed my beer and drank as more tears fell.
"Fuck you!! Fuck you!! Sana pinatay nyo nalang ako!" I yelled and sobbed. Sobrang dilim na at sobrang lamig pero wala na talaga akong pakialam.
"Nakakapagod ng umiyak, pagod na pagod na ako!!"
I was just laying down out in the cold with the rain pouring when I felt two strong arms lifted me up but I was too weak already to see who it was. My eyes were slowly closing as I felt the person carrying me run towards somewhere pero hindi ko na nakita, rapist ba to? Papatayin nya ba ako? I heard some people whispering at hindi ko na naramdamam ang patak ng ulan at tuluyan ng nawalan ng malay.