Dakota Roth…
This is a really bad idea. I know it is. I know that we are playing with fire. I know that talking like this is heading in one direction and before I am even aware of it, I will be too far down the rabbit hole. I will be too wrapped up in him. I will end up with my heart broken and the inability to be around this man who is whipping all these new feelings inside of me. And if it gets to that point - my relationship with my dad will end up in tatters because he and Jeremy are best friends, I mean they live together for fuck sakes.
What if my dad ended up blaming me for whatever is happening between me and his best friend?
I mean he may be my father. He may be my blood but that doesn't mean that he will pick me. That doesn't mean that he will get rid of his best friend for me, and I honestly wouldn't want that anyway. I am not looking to come between them. Not when I know just how long they have been friends.
'Make-out hill? X'
'Yeah, it's just on the outskirts of town, a deserted little parking spot where you can watch the lights of the town, it's beautiful, almost as beautiful as you xxoxx'
'You are making me blush x' I stared at the screen as the heat crept over my ears and stained towards my cheeks.
It takes next to no time for him to start typing back at me and I couldn't help but wonder what he was going to say next. I am lying here staring at my phone, my kindle discarded next to me and the conversation with Gavin long forgotten in favour of my dad's best friend.
Yeah - I am already way in over my head.
'And you are making me hard xxoxx'
Okay, so of all the things that I assumed he was going to reply with - this was the very last thing on my mind. And I can't deny the way my pussy clenched at the thought of him only mere feet away rocking a hard-on with my name all over it.
I am not the most experienced but suddenly I feel like I might be the most eager to learn. I want to kneel at this man's feet and obey whatever instruction he barked at me. I want to learn how to please him so that I am tailor-made for him and him alone. These feelings are so new to me that I feel like I am drowning. Sure, I have had crushes in the past, but this feels like so much more than a crush. Or is it the forbidden aspect of it that is exciting me?
Would I have felt this way about Gavin if my reaction to Jeremy hadn't come first?
Gavin.
Oh God. I am supposed to be going to lunch with him tomorrow. I am supposed to be looking forward to spending time with him.
'Sorry, sweetheart, too much? Xxoxx'
'No not too much but it does feel like we are entering dangerous territory x'
'Or is this a way for us to push past these feelings? Xxoxx'
'I don't understand x'
Seeing him typing away, I exit out of the conversation and move to the one I had been having with Gavin - I owe it to him to be present, don't I?
Fuck me - with next to no experience with me, I don't know what the fuck I am doing. Am I leading this man on?
Is Jeremy leading me on? I don't want to think that he is. I don't want to think that he is so cruel but there is a part of me that is wondering why he is doing this now. I mean he has barely said two words to me since we kissed and while yes, he has chatted more to me through text - he has been flirty, but nothing, like he is being tonight.
Is there a link between tonight and him finding out that Gavin asked me to lunch tomorrow?
Would we be having this conversation tonight if Gavin hadn't asked me out today?
'So, you like Italian? X'
'I know another really great pizza place if that sounds good to you? X'
'They also make a mean gelato x'
'I guess you have fallen asleep. We can play it by ear tomorrow, no worries. Sweet dreams Dakota. See you tomorrow x'
Ok so now I feel like a complete bitch. This man is going out of his way to try and plan a nice lunch and I have completely blown him off for a man I know that I have no future with.
What the Hell is wrong with me?
Gavin is a solid man who can show me that he likes me. Gavin can take me out on a date. Hold my hand. Kiss me. Spend time with me. There is no separate relationship with my father to worry about. On paper he is the right choice. Hell on paper he is the only choice. But here is the thing - in my heart I don't feel even a third of what I am feeling for Jeremy.
Gavin while gorgeous - doesn't set my heart racing. Doesn't make my palms all sweaty. Doesn't leave me trembling with a fire that no man has ever conjured inside me before. There is a pull, an almost supernatural connection between Jeremy and me. I am powerless against him, and I fear that he knows that. I fear that I am about to learn what heartbreak feels like yet like a moth to a flame, I can't stop myself.
God, help me!
'What if we can work through whatever this thing between us is by sexting? I mean, there is no way we can do this physically but cyberally it is harmless right? We aren't actually touching each other. We are only talking about the things that we want to do - what if we can get past these feelings by doing this - isn't that worth a shot? Xxoxx'
'Ok I get what you are saying and on paper that sounds like a reasonable alternative x'
'But? Xxoxx'
'What if it makes it worse? X'
Am I really trying to talk myself out of this?
I mean he isn't wrong - it is highly probable that we could work through these feelings in a matter of a few orgasms but here is the issue that is making me pause; I already feel more for him than I have ever felt for anyone.
Sure, I have seen handsome men before and yes, usually they are famous, and my crushes have no real possibility of coming to anything but the few I have had on actual people in my real life - well they all pale in comparison to what I am suddenly feeling for Jeremy and that to me is a dangerous road. Letting myself read his words in the midst of passion - I fear that will only cement the things that I am feeling. I fear that it will lock me in, and I won't be able to escape, even when he has had his fill of me.
Is it possible that he would have his fill of me?
What would that feel like? To be dismissed by him?
My heart clenched tightly at the mere thought of it.
'But what if it doesn't? Don't we owe it to ourselves and your dad to try and find a way out of this? Xxoxx'
Damn him to Hell. He had to bring my dad into this. Of course, he is right. We can't carry on like this. We can't because it already feels like a betrayal of the man who has welcomed me back into his life with open arms. I can't allow this secret to come out. I can't allow this attraction to destroy the friendship that my dad has with his best friend.
I will do whatever I have to. Even if it means breaking my own heart in the process.
I guess, I am sort of overdue a taste of what most women experience in their teens. I am lucky to have made it to my twenties without having had a taste of true heartache. I have reached a point in my life where I really need to start living and that means - experiencing dating, sex, love, and attraction. And there is really no one I trust more to guide me through the sex part of it than Jeremy.
Taking a deep breath, I type my reply, 'ok you are right. Let's try and work through this x'
'Really? Xxoxx'
'Why so surprised? X'
'I honestly thought I would have a harder fight on my hands xxoxx'
'I can always change my mind and give you the option to beg 😉😝 x'
'Beg? I do not beg sweetheart xxoxx'
'We'll see about that 😉 x'
'Yes, we will 😉😘😈 xxoxx'
My tummy tumbled with excitement, and I didn't even know what to think about his reply. It felt almost as if he was challenging me - daring me to try and make him beg, and even better - he was going to try and make me beg.
Joke is on him - I beg for nothing or no-one. Never have and never will. Right?
Maybe that is my inexperience talking because honestly, I have never been teased by a man before. At least not by a man I have wanted the way I want my dad's best friend.
When were we going to be starting this experiment?
A part of me wants to ask but that might be construed as begging so I stare at the screen for a few more moments before typing a response.
'Good luck with that, Uncle Remy 😉😈 x'
'I'd love to put you over my knee for that sass, sweetheart but alas it is getting late, and we are up early, we'll start this tomorrow night, is that ok with you? Xxoxx'
'Sure, whenever you are ready. Sleep well Uncle Remy, and have sweet dreams x'
'You too, beautiful 😘😘 xxoxx'
'😘😉😘 x'
Placing my phone on my nightstand once I double checked that my alarm was set, I snuggled under the covers and closed my eyes.
The best part of my day - because this was when I could escape into a world where I could be with the man I am crushing on. I don't have to worry about my dad. I don't have to worry about disappointing anyone. I can just be and do whatever the Hell I like and that usually consists of doing Uncle Remy.
God I am such a pervert. I get off on calling him Uncle Remy. Would he get off on it too?
So many questions are whirling around my head as sleep pulls me under, completely oblivious to the fact that tomorrow is going to bring an avalanche of pain, anger, and despair crashing into my world that everything else will be eclipsed by it.
Jeremy Danielson…
What the fuck am I doing? Suggesting a sexual text exchange with my best friend's daughter. It is by the far the most stupid thing I have done.
Has the hunger I feel for her finally pushed me into insanity? It is the only plausible excuse. That I have grown so delirious in my need for her that I am suggesting we tell each other what we want to do to each other instead of actually doing it.
Am I really trying to justify my invitation with a technicality?
I am fucking weak. I am too lost in the lust I am feeling for her that I can't even think straight anymore. I mean, I know it's wrong. I know that I am being devious and underhanded. I know that I should be the adult and place a line between me and my temptation, yet I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I want to do it. I want to be strong enough to abstain. I want to be strong enough to say that I can fight it. But I'm not. And I can't.
Dakota has made me weak. Dakota has opened my eyes. Dakota has me feeling things that I never even knew were possible. But again, that is no justification. It is merely an excuse at best.
Dakota trusts me; trusts me to do right by her and I fear that she may be wrong in placing that trust in me. I fear that, like she said, this whole idea will blow up in our faces and make this desire a hundred times stronger. If it does, what the Hell will we do then?
I can't help myself though. And that feeling of needing to claim, to mark my territory hit me so damn fucking hard this afternoon when she told me about Gavin. The idea of him touching her, kissing her, loving her - had me almost blind with jealousy. Delirious with my own unbidden lust.
I have had my fair share of girlfriends over the years, then my wife and countless encounters with women since my divorce that I would have told you a month ago that I had felt everything there was to feel when it came to physical intimacy with the opposite sex. God I was arrogant. I was foolish. Because with the way I am feeling about Dakota, I know that I have barely scratched the surface of feelings and emotions. Hell, even the lust and desire I am feeling for Dakota feels different - more pure, more intense as if I am feeding straight from the very source of pleasure and hunger.
The cute little way her mouth curls when she smiles, the adorable as fuck dimples that indent her cheeks, the adorable way she talks with her Scottish accent, the sound of her laugh - so light and heart felt when something really tickles her funny bone. The sensual, sultry scent of her body is enough to drive me straight into beast-mode. I have had to literally restrain myself a few times since she has arrived here.
How could the little girl who rode around on my back, be the same woman who now sets my veins on fire with a blistering need that would have my best friend try to place my balls in a blender.
How could the little girl who begged me to play tea parties with her be the same woman who makes everything inside me feel like it is at peace? I can't deny that when I am around her - my world feels like it is right. Like all of my issues and problems just seem easier to deal with. Is that love? No, it can't be, it hasn't even been more than a couple weeks since she walked back into my orbit. It's too soon yet there is a little voice at the back of my head that is screaming I love her.
What was it, my ex-wife used to call it - insta-love - a term coined by authors who write trashy novels for bored housewives. It is not lost on me that my wife was reading those novels. Had I really bored her so much in the end that she would rather escape into make believe and adventure?
Not going to lie there is a part of me that fears that is how things might end up with Dakota. I mean at best that would be the ideal conclusion, right? But if that is the best outcome, why doesn't it fill me with anything but a cold hard dread? Yeah, I am already lost in her and that in itself presents a host of problems that I am not even sure where to begin sorting through.
Sleep begins to creep into the edges of my consciousness, and I find myself sinking, willing it to take me to the world where things with Dakota and I are purely simple, and we don't have to hide what we are feeling…
'...the house is lying in almost silence. The moon is peaking through the small windows that line the basement where I am lying in bed. It is casting an eerie glow around everything in a romanticised plume. The sound of a storm rolling in over the city limits is felt in the air as much as it is heard in the distance.
The soft click of a bedroom door upstairs tears through the rage of the storm and somehow, I just know it is Dakota. I am up and out of my bed before I have time to even think about what I am doing. Taking the stairs two at a time, thanks to my long legs, I make short work of the distance. Pushing the door open as she is almost at the door, "where are you going 'Kota?" I ask her, my tone possessive in a way that is new to me - what is it about this girl that has me acting like a caveman?
"Gavin is taking me to make-out hill-" she begins to explain.
"The fuck he is!" I growl, stalking through the space, eating up the distance between us in a couple of strides, my manner clear, my intent flashing wildly in my eyes.
"Excuse me? You are not my father-"
"No, I am not your father, but I am the man who is going to take you to make-out hill - the only man who is going to take you there. Am I clear?"
"N-no!"
"No?" My head tilts to one side as I watch her, "do you need a reminder of who you belong to, little one?"
"I-I- belong to no-one!"
"Ahhh but that is where you are wrong, sweetheart. You belong to me now, you are mine and there is no man on this planet who gets to touch, or take what is mine, so I suggest you remember that the next time Gavin asks you to make-out hill or wherever else he plans to take you, am I clear?" I am pushing into her now, crowding her space as I back her up against the wall just at the entrance to the house.
The minute her back hits the wall she visibly gulps and then gasps as I press my body against hers. Dressed in a little distressed denim skirt and an AC/DC vest that clings to the dips and curves of her upper body - highlighting those beautiful tits and drawing my attention to the way I can see her nipples have pebbled. Hair teased to within an inch of her life and a pair of glittery black ankle spiked heeled boots that hold her a couple of inches taller than she actually is but that still only has her reaching just under my chin. She is so small in comparison to me, and it has that caveman rearing in excitement all over again.
In all my years of dating I have never felt this almost territorial need carving out my insides, like a disease that I can't cut out and honestly, I don't want to cut it out. I like this feeling. God I am a masochist. It's unhealthy. It's dangerous. Yet, I am willingly dropping to my knees at her feet willing to worship her as the Goddess that she is.
"I asked you a question, sweetheart!" I growl as I slowly sink down to my knees in front of her.
"Wh-what?" Her breaths are coming thick and fast now.
This is reckless - we are out in the open of the home my best friend, her father owns, and he is only feet away in his room. It's that excitement that propels me to continue running my hands up the soft smoothness of her curvy legs. Tracing the outline of her tattoos that are in abundance on her milky-white flesh.
"I asked if I was clear in my intentions?"
"Ye-yes!" She sighs as my fingers reach the inside of her thighs.
"Yes what?"
"Yes, si-" she begins then stops herself, "yes Uncle Remy!"
Holy shit - those two little words send a jolt straight to my dick like a strike of lightning. I am a dirty, perverted bastard. I like hearing her call me Uncle Remy while I am touching her. I like it far more than I fucking should. It is so perverted. It is taboo. Forbidden. And the soft sigh pressing through her beautifully painted lips sends another jolt coursing through my veins.
Pushing the tiny skirt up until it bunches around her defined hips, and I am staring right at her bare cunt. "Naughty girl, no panties?" I growl, leaning in and taking a deep breath - inhaling her musky arousal, "and what exactly, were you willing to do with another man tonight, sweetheart?" Jealousy clashes with the hungry desire pooling in my blood, spiking the heat inside of me in ways that I have never felt before.
"I-I-"
"No. Other. Man. Is. Allowed. To. See. This. Dakota. Not. Now. Not ever!" My tone is bordering on rage as I think of Gavin getting a taste of this delicious smelling pussy, "tell me you understand?"
"I-I- understand," she whimpers, "plea-please!"
"You want me baby?"
"Yes!" The soft thud of her head against the wall is what has my fingers spreading apart her glistening pussy lips to reveal the satin little clit - so beautiful and mine.
Mine. Dakota is mine and I will not allow any other man close enough to even try to claim her for themselves. Slipping one finger into her milky cream just as a growl of anger rips through the moment.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Jason. And he is almost beyond livid if the tone in his voice is to be believed.
"Dad-Daddy-" Dakota is the first to come to her senses as she pushes her skirt back down and she slips out from between me and the wall - crossing the room to her father, "this isn't what it looks like-"
"Isn't what it looks like? It looks like my best friend was just assaulting my daughter!"
Assaulting?
Ok that stung a little more than I was prepared for. Taking an extra second to gather myself - I slowly rise to my feet but I am not even half, way up when Jason is grabbing me and hauling me up the rest of the way and slamming me against the wall where I just had Dakota pinned.
"Daddy please-" Dakota rushes forward and grabs at his arm as it rears back in attack mode.
"Say something!" He growls at me, "or are you going to let a twenty-year-old fight your battles for you?"
"I'm sorry Jay-"
"Sorry? You were just pawing my fucking daughter and all you have to say is fucking sorry?!"
I can't even say that I blame him or that I wasn't expecting this because it is exactly the reaction that I knew he was going to have when he found out and I can realise now that this was inevitable. Because what I feel for Dakota can't be contained.
"Tell me, is whatever this was worth throwing away a lifetime of friendship?" He roars in my face as Dakota continues to try and pull him away from me as I continue to remain in a stance where I am not fighting back, "you were her uncle - Jesus you played with her when she was a kid, you held her when she was just hours old Rem'. God, did you plan all of this from the moment she was bo-"
"Jesus Christ no!" I growl angrily. I may be unable to justify my actions since she walked back into my life but there is no way I am letting him tarnish what I shared with her when she was a kid.
Would things have been different if she had grown up around me? I honestly can't say that it would because what I feel for her now feels more like fate than anything I have ever felt before. It feels almost biblical. I can't stay away from her. I don't want to stay away from her. I want her.
Forever.
Just as that realisation hits me - the ringing of an alarm starts to yank me backwards, pulling me away from the scene that was just playing out…'
…Well fuck me! If I was ever unsure of how my best friend would react to my attraction to his daughter, then I just got a Goddamn crash course on the vicious storm of anger that would be directed right at me.
I may want her forever - but I now know more than ever that I simply can't have her.
God-fucking-damn it!