TRY-ON
Trixie's POV
The entrance of our class is near, but I can't even feel the slightest bit of excitement in myself. Wala naman kasing exciting, kaya paano ako magkakaroon ng excitement? Halos buong araw lang ako rito sa kwarto ko, walang sakit na nakaratay sa kama ko. This has really been my life since the past three months.
I admit, I wasn't like this before, but I just got used to it as if this was my life from the very beginning. It's just annoying because even though I want to bring back the old me, the happy one, I can't. Because I don't maybe know anymore to be one or perhaps, already forgotten to act like one. I looked in the direction of my bedroom's door when I heard a soft knock on it.
"Honey?" Its mom's voice at the back side of the door.
"Mom?" The door slowly opened as mom showed up at the door. She just smiled and came in and sat next to me.
"Are you okay, hon?" She asked smiling without the thought that pain is still visible in her face as she inquires those questions.
"Yea, I'm okay mom," I replied at her with a smile plastered on my face.
"But that's not what I see right now, hon," she said sadly while holding one of my hands. "Is this still that man again, huh?"
"No, not him mom, I already forgot about him, mom,"
"Then why do you look like this sad? I know he's the reason why you're in pain like this. I know he's the reason why we never saw the happy Trixie we know, and we loved again," she said calmly. I just kept my head down and didn't look upward only to find her eyes on mine.
Furthermore, I held back the tears that wanted to come out of my eyes. I don't want anyone, not even my mom, to see me cry because of regret I'm feeling right now. Na hanggang ngayon ay pinagsisisihan ko ang bagay na pinagdesisyonan ko ng mag-isa na dapat ay pinagpasiyahan at pinag-usapan naming dalawa ng magkasama.
Ako dapat kase yung unang makakalimot, pero bakit parang walang silbi yung dumaang tatlong buwan at hindi man lang nabawasan ang sakit na aking nararamdaman?
"Mom, I'm just feeling awful and it has nothing to do with anyone. Besides, mom, the entrance is almost here, and I just want to rest myself first, because I'm sure it's going to be hellish after,"
"Hon, I'm your mom and I know what you're thinking and what you feel in your heart. There's no need to lie and cover what you really feel by telling us fake excuses,"
"I'm not faking it, mom. It's all the truth,"
"If you want honey, huwag ka ng mag-aral. Bibigyan ka namin ng pera and do whatever you want, I'm sure your dad will agree with it. Huwag mo ng sayangin ang buhay mo sa pag-aaral mo," she said smiling as tears pooled in the corners of her eyes.
At this moment, I just want to cry, but I don't want to waste tears on something I can't do anything about.
"If you want to go far and wide, we'll let you. Go to the places that you want to go, even in another country honey, your dad and I will allow you. Don't you want to go to the top attraction to visit in France, the Bormes Les Mosas? Besides, you also want to go and see the entirety of Italy's Art Capital up close at oo nga pala! It's been a long time since you last went to Miami, I remember, you were too young when you last went there, and you said you want to visit there again? We'll let you go anywhere, even if you stop your studies, we'll let you-"
"Mom!" I suddenly reprimanded the tearful words she said. "Ayoko po, dati 'yon! Gusto ko dito lang ako kasama kayo ni Dad at ng kambal, kayo lang ang gusto kong makita at makasama. Mag-aaral din ako mom, gusto kong magkaroon ng ordinaryong buhay lang, kasama ng mga kaibigan ko, tanging 'yon lang ang gusto ko at hindi ang libutin ang buong mundo, mom,"
I'm forcing myself to hold back the tears in my eyes while she's already criying helplessly. Nanghihina at nasasaktan siya dahil sa 'kin, kaya hindi ako iiyak dahil ayaw kong magmukang mahina at tanggap ko naman na ang lahat.
"We know that, honey, but we love you so much, we really do, hon. I just want your time at school not to be wasted, I want you to at least be happy doing whatever you want-"
"But mom, it's enough for me that you're here with me and I can live a normal life with my friends. Please mom, let me make my decision. Just being with you makes me feel so happy and y'all are already enough for me to say that I am complete. All the places I want to go and my dream of being able to travel all the beautiful places in this world, mom, I can give up all that, if in exchange, I can only be with you until the last moment of my life," she just cried more and quickly brought herself closer and hugged me very tight.
"Anak," she never stopped crying.
"Shh, hold on mom," I stroked her back while she was still crying as she hugged me so tight.
"Okay honey, if that's what you really want I won't force you anymore, if you're happy I'll support you with all my heart. I love you, honey,"
"I love you more, mom," I weakly said.
A few moments later, I was left in my room alone. I'm still thinking about what mom said, that I should enjoy my life and not like this. I'm always alone, always sad and bitter. Maybe it's better for me to live happily because it's not right for me to be sad just because he's gone. Not because he's gone I won't be happy anymore. My happiness doesn't depend on him but only on myself!
I can't let my happiness be controlled by something I can't control. I can forget him and I can endure and stand for this pain that we both felt more than the worst pain that we might going to feel if it lasts longer. Likewise, I just realized that I will still be happy, with my family and friends. They can and forever be my source of happiness. The happiness that will never be lost in my life and in my heart.
But weather I accept it or not, there is still one happiness that can really fulfill the love I want to feel. Sa sobrang takot kong masaktan ko ang pinakamamahal ko at nararamdaman ko, hindi ko na naisip na masasaktan kaming pareho sa disesyong sinolo ko.
But I need to accept that it's really gone, all my reasons why I'm doing this now are already in the past. In the past I had to forget because happiness is not just to get all the wishes but to appreciate those who are there and those are the people whose close to my life. I took my cellphone that was on the other side of my pillow and quickly dialed Biy's number.
"Mm, hello Trix," she said first on the other line. "Napatawag ka?"
"Busy ka?" I asked away.
"Mm, hindi naman pero-"
"Good, let's go shopping!"
"Huh? Ikaw ba talaga 'yan, Trixie?! Ngayon lang 'to uh!" She said in disbelief.
"Kaya nga, ngayon lang, kaya samahan niyo na 'ko,"
"Sure, ako na bahala kay Kelly!"
"Thanks! Saka nga pala, ako na lang ang susundo diyan sa bahay niyo, huwag na kayong mag-abalang ilabas 'yang mga expensive Audi R8 at Lamborghini Huracán Cars niyo," I laugh with a hint of sarcasm at my joke.
"Okay, makapagsalita, para namang hindi Fyner Supersport ang kotse mo, uh!"
I laughed, "Oh sege na, pupunta ako diyan at exactly 2 PM. See you there, bye, Biy!"
"Okay, bye, Trix!" huling sabi nito sa kabilang linya. Nakangiting ibinaba ko naman ang phone ko at maya maya'y naghanda na para sa usapan namin mamaya.
A few moments later, when I finished getting dressed, I decided to walked downstairs only to caught up mom and dad and my two twin brothers in the living area. Mom and dad were just sitting on the sofa while drinking tea while the twins were playing at the coffee table.
"Ate!" The twins just run and hugged me tightly.
I hugged them back with a smile on my lips.
"Where are you going? Can we come with you? Please, ate?" Xander asked.
"Yea, please, ate?" Xanji repeated.
"Hindi pwede e. Hayaan niyo next time kasama na kayo hm?"
"Pero ate-"
"Hayaan niyo na ang ate niyo mga anak, baka may importanteng lakad lang at bawal pa kayo. Where are you going honey?" Daddy, while holding the newspaper.
"Okay, maglaro na muna kayo doon, uh?" I said to the twins.
"Okay, ate," the twins just frowned. I walk towards mom and dad.
"My friends and I are just going to the mall," I replied with a smile to Dad. They both stood up and faced me.
"Take care there, honey,"
"Yes mom, I will," I smiled at mommy, I turned to my shoulder when daddy touched it and when I looked up at him, he was just looking at me seriously.
"Take care of yourself, hon. Don't get yourself tired and call me every time, huh?"
"Yes dad, I will," I responded.
I automatically stared at mom when she caressed the corner of my hair as she smiled and mouthed an "I love you, hon."
"Mahal na mahal ko din po kayo nina daddy at ng kambal mom," I replied with a smile and at the same time, I feel mom slowly hugged me. "I hope this is the good start honey," she said meaningfully. I didn't say anything and only hugged them back, along with daddy.
"I wish you could see the happiness you saw before, honey," daddy silently said.
"Sali po kami!" The twins shouted happily and ran towards us.
These moments, hugging them is the happiest memories I will never forget. It was only in this instance that I realized that only my family would save my life and not the thought that someone else would come to save me.
That time when our relationship was already gone, I really wanted to die immediately but the truth is that, I just wanted to be saved. And that's only my family who can save me, not the person I love who is the reason why I want to rush my life.
Almost an hour of driving past, and I finally arrived at Biatriz's house. The maid opened the door for me and I went straight to her room after the maid inform me that she's still dressing. I found her sitting on a chair in front of her big and wide Mirror Glass while doing some make-ups on her face.
"What kind of air entered your body and in an instant, you invited us to go shopping, huh?"
"Hindi ba pwedeng trip ko lang?" I raised a brow at her.
"Sows... but infairness, huh. This is goin' to be worthwhile if all you just want to be happy. Palagi ka na lang kasing bitter. I can't even remember the last time I saw you smile and laugh. I think it was already three months ago! Imagine that, Trix! Mabuti na nga lang at mukhang nagsisimula ka ng magbago,"
"Look, hindi pa 'to totally ok-"
"So I am right! At least now you know you're not the happy you used to be now right?"
"Oo na, natawagan mo na ba si Kels?" I change the subject.
"Of course, she was shocked, too! Hindi rin makapaniwalang ikaw rin ang nag-aya.
"Ganoon naba talaga ako kaboring na kahit ang magyayang pumunta sa mall ay hindi magawa?"
"Oo, kahit nga ang pumasok ay hindi ka interesado e, kung dati ay araw-araw tayong dumi-diretso sa mall, pero halos kaming dalawa na lang ni Kelly ang pumupunta nung iniwan ka ni-" hindi niya na nakumpleto pa ang sasabihin at maging siya ay hindi din makapaniwala ang mukha sa sariling sinabi. "Sorry," she sarcastically said while faking a smile in front of my face.
"I'm just trying not to be affected Biy,"
"You know Trix, why don't you just imitate me and Kelly. I heard he'll continue his class here in the Philippines,"
"What?" I asked in disbelief.
"Yea, you heard it right. Pwede mo pa naman siyang mabawi, like me and Kels,"
"It wasn't because he was stolen, so I could get him back, pareho lang kaming lumaya sa hindi sinasadyang pagkakatali naming dalawa."
"May ganorn?"
"Of course!" I just rolled my eyes at her.
"If that's what you want, basta ako, sa akin lang dapat na matali ang isang Cairo Avila Cuesta,"
"Iyon ay kung magpapatali," napangisi ako.
"Sa ayaw at sa gusto niya! Kung aayaw pa rin siya sa santong landian, mapapa-oo na talaga siya kapag nabuntis ako't siya ang ama haha!"
"Bakit magpapabuntis ka naman?"
"Kung kinakailangan, Trix," she smiled.
"You flirt!" I could only tell that there was more disgust in the tone of the speech.
"Malandi na kung malandi, hindi ko lang kase talaga siya matiis, e," nasa maarteng aniya naman.
"Isang bagay lang ang hindi dapat na tinitiis,"
"And that's what we call likeability-"
"Hindi!" sinamaan naman niya ako ng tingin. "Gutom 'yon, Biy, wala ng iba, kaya bilisan mo na diyan at dadaanan pa natin si Kelly, nagugutom na 'ko,"
"Ang yaman-yaman niyo tapos nalilipasan ka ng gutom?"
"Bakit? Mahirap lang ba pwede malipasan ng gutom?"
"I'm done! Let's go!" pagalit niyang tugon sabay tayo. We both got into my car and passed by Kelly's house and went straight to the mall. After we arrived at Kuya Lance's huge mall, as expected we had fun shopping.
I haven't been here in a long time, so I made the most of this opportunity. Three hours of our stay here have passed, and I'm here at the meeting point we talked about, but they haven't arrived yet, so I decided to go to the comfort room first to retouch my make-up.
While I was walking towards the comfort room, someone suddenly walked up to me and pulled me to the left, the incident was so fast, and I just realized I was already lying on the floor, being hugged by someone I didn't know.
I was about to turn around to see who is this someone that suddenly pulled me, but I couldn't because all my attention was taken away by the person who was carrying a pile of boxes. Tumilapon iyon sa kung nasaan ako kanina. For sure if I hadn't been pulled by someone, it would have all fallen to me.
I just lost my earlier anger towards whoever helped me while staring at the fallen boxes.
"Miss, okay ka lang?" nag-aalalang tanong ng boses ng babae sabay hawak sa balikat ko. I slowly turned my gaze towards the owner of that voice, but even before that happened, she helped me stand up first.