It's bittersweet, really. I have nothing to be sad about, and yet, I can't help but cry. Pulling the comforters back, I gaze out of the window at the early hours of the day. A long sigh escapes me as I get up and walk to Max's room. He's sleeping, and I crawl into bed, resting my head on his shoulder.
"Lucy," he murmurs.
"Yeah?" I look up at him, his eyes closed, still lingering in the echoes of sleep.
His eyes blink, conscious yet not entirely present. "Are you okay?" he asks.
"Yeah, just a bad dream." I watch him fall back into a deep sleep.
I wake up crying, a bad feeling in my gut as if something ominous is about to happen. My life is a mess right now. Swallowing hard, I close my eyes, attempting to fall back asleep.
"Lucy?!" a voice calls out.
I turn and see her, my mom.
"Lucy, my dear." She puts her hand on my cheek.
"How have you been?" she asks, feigning concern.
I start sobbing, holding her. "Why didn't you—why didn't you protect me, Mom? I was just fifteen," I cry.
"Lucy," my dad calls out for me. "LUCY." He calls again. "LUCY, WAKE UP."
My eyes open to a harsh reality. I look at my dad, who appears concerned. Rubbing my eyes, I realize my eyelashes are wet from tears.
"Emily made us some breakfast." He gives me a look.
"That's really nice, Dad, but I just woke up." I look at him.
He was about to get up.
"Is this about breaking up with Andrew, is it because of Jace, or is it because of that—that man?" My dad lost his temper.
I sit up. "Dad."
"What is it, Lu? I can't see you like this anymore. It's been weeks; you haven't been eating or sleeping. Is it because of your mother? I'll chase her out of town. I swear on the earth, I swear, Lucy."
I curl my legs together. "No. I don't know," I shake my head. "I don't know what's wrong with me." I stare at my dad.
"I don't want to force you to do anything, but maybe you should give therapy an honest chance," he suggests.
"No, Dad—"
"Lucia, look at you!" He snaps heartbrokenly, his voice reaching out to his fading daughter. And he'd be right to worry. I do feel myself slipping.
I look at him, eyes wide. "You don't eat, you don't sleep, you've been missing school. It's your birthday, and you're miserable." My dad sheds a tear. "I failed you," he says brokenly, the only time I saw my dad like this was when I was seven years old, ten years ago today, when the court date fell on my birthday, and he lost custody of me. He tried to run after me, but my mom took me away. He cried out for my name, howling for me to stay. Emily was by his side, comforting him while he was in tears.
My mother won custody. She got the money. She only wanted me for child support, and I didn't even see a penny of that money.
I reach out to hold him; all the drama caught up between Jace and Andrew suddenly means nothing as I hold my dad. All those years I was away from him meant he was also away from me.
I look up at him, my heart hurting more than it's ever felt pain. I feel as if it would just swallow me up.
I shake my head. "No. You didn't, Dad. I love you."
I come down for breakfast, and they have a cupcake for me, proceeding to sing me a happy birthday.
I start smiling ear to ear as I blow out the candle. I look around, and my family cheers and wishes me a happy birthday, I've never felt so loved before.
I was so used to taking care of Max that I forgot what it felt like to be looked after.
"Happy seventeenth birthday, Lulu." My dad kisses the top of my forehead.
"That's, Dad." I look up at him.
"The real cake is going to be at a restaurant. I got a reservation at Valentino's," Emily boasts.
"That's amazing, isn't it super exclusive?" I try to match her excitement.
She nods. "You know it." She lets out a laugh.
"You're so old now, Lucy," Todd frowns at me.
"In three years, you'll be me." I give him a look.
"Two and a half," Max interjects.
"Are you calling us an old man, Max? You're only a couple of months younger than us," Tyler goofs around.
"Old is old." Max shrugs.
"Oh gosh, if they're old, I must be ancient," Emily blurts.
"You don't look like it." My dad winks while kissing her.
And everyone squirms in disgust.
"My eyes!" Todd screams, and I burst out in laughter.
I go up to my room to get ready, and take a long shower, feeling immediately better. I climb out of the shower and look at myself in the mirror. I gulp. My hair is long, running over my shoulders to the end of my spine. I run into my room, grab the scissors, and walk in front of the room mirror, starting to chop my hair.
When I'm done with my hair, it looks horrible, and I start laughing uncontrollably at myself.
I change into a white and blue sundress and white small heels, putting on my thick small gold earrings.
I then run out of my room looking for Emily, who is making something to eat. When she sees me, she drops the bowl in shock. "Lucy!" she scolds, "Your beautiful hair!" she cries.
"I was trying a curly pixie cut; it looks bad, right?" I smile.
"Get in the car; we're taking you to the salon ASAP," she orders.
When we got to the salon, everyone was mortified. A long white-haired woman in her forties took me in and told me to sit in her chair.
When she was done, I loved it. "It suits you well," the lady smiled, "you could model."
I look up at her and look at her gleefully. "Thank you," and I go over to Emily, "Thank you, Emily." She hugs my back.
"Of course," she said as I pulled away.
"You look like a new Lucy." She smiles.
When I got home, something was still holding me back. It was Jace. I needed to give him an apology, and I needed closure for myself to finally let him go.
I went to grab the jackets that he gave me, the motorcycle one and the one he said I could keep, but it didn't feel right to keep them. I hated seeing them in my closet.
I walked to his house. What was a short distance felt like an eternity, I know very well this could be the end of Jace and me, turmoil and a possessive feeling that we are one and the same, light attracts light and darkness attracts darkness... what if I don't darkness to follow me anymore? I have only brought out the worst in you Jace. With each step I walk, I walk with an unwavering confidence one where I will be okay if he'll turn me away, or where he won't bother to listen or maybe won't even open the door.
I miss his smile that I ruined, he'll never look at me the same. I ruined us. I won't ever get that version of Jace back and maybe I don't deserve him either.
And now I was at his front door, I knocked unnervingly but no one answered. I continued to knock and then waited. I felt discouraged. I looked down a the jackets that weighed heavy in my arms. I was feeling bold and decided to push the large door open and I guiltily walked into his house feeling like an intruder;
I knew it was not a good move, but I had to see him. I needed to leave this old Lucy behind. The one that was obsessed with him only because I needed a distraction. An escape from my own hurtful reality, that I could not bear to live, one that suffocated my entire being.
"Jace," I called out for him. I walked around his house, maybe he wasn't home. I was about to give up when I felt an all too familiar presence.
I felt him watching me, I turned around swiftly, and there he was, standing in a dark corner, wearing a black silk robe.
He didn't say anything, but his grey eyes were illuminating as they stared daggers at me. My heart broke when I saw him, the shards that were piercing the inside of my chest knew that he didn't want me here...