Andrew cleared his throat abruptly, "I must admit it wasn't my place to spread that rumor, and maybe I did it out of selfishness or jealousy. How couldn't I be jealous of him?" Andrew shook his head, "I thought he had it all, but he doesn't, Lucy. I know he's with Mirae, but he needs you."
I stared daggers at him, questioning, "What are you saying?"
Andrew took my hand, "I owe Jace this much; I'm trying to make amends. I think you should know what troubles him." His voice sounded distant, as if he were in another world or time. His hand squeezed mine, preparing me for what he was about to reveal.
My heart began to pound with anticipation. I had a pit in my stomach. Whatever he was about to tell me, I had a feeling I couldn't handle it; I was afraid it was too much.
He took a deep breath and uttered words that shocked my ears, causing them to become muffled, leaving a bad taste in my mouth. I wanted to cry as he explained, but I shook him off.
"Stop," I demanded. "Why are you telling me this, when Jace hates me? I can't help or comfort him even if I wanted to." I stood up, feeling sick to my stomach.
"I already have so much on my plate," I shook my head at him. "I can't involve myself. I'm letting him go, Andrew," I uttered, fighting back any hope I had for Jace.
"Why?" Andrew asked with a straight face. "You were willing to throw away what we had in a heartbeat for him." He shrugged, and I could see the pain across his face.
"I know, I know. I'm so sorry, Andrew," I apologized. "You deserve someone far better than me, and there is someone who deserves you, Andrew." I told him earnestly, feeling guilt in my chest. I know Andrew isn't a bad guy. Even if he did stand in my way of Jace, Jace was never healthy enough to be with me… but neither was I.
I understood now that I needed a break from relationships, and I needed to get my life together. I needed to get healthy before I dated anyone, before I committed myself again. The next time I do, I want to do it right. I needed to learn how to love myself before anyone could love me. Jace wasn't the problem, nor Andrew, but me. I was the problem. I was in no place to even start a relationship; I couldn't understand why I had been so blind to see that before?
I needed to tell Jace this. I need to make amends to both Jace and Andrew. I sat down again and began to tell Andrew this, that I was in no place to start a relationship, and that he shouldn't take my choices personally since I barely understood my very own reasoning, as I didn't know myself or what was wrong with me?
Andrew was quite for a moment, taking everything in like a sponge, his emotional maturity was beyond years for his age, so I waited patiently for his response.
"Can we still be friends?" Andrew raised his brow, his reply almost brought me to tears, how could he be so forgiving and understanding, he is truly a saint, someone that I'd be lucky to have in my life, despite his mistakes I see his heart and how genuine he his, we are all humans after all faltering is in our nature. But it's how we continue after that mistake that makes us who we are.
I nodded, "I'd like that very much." I smiled at him.
"I think you have to tell Jace this," Andrew stared at me, waiting for my response. He's eyes glimmering, wondering if his suggestion overstepped in any way.
"Yes," I nodded. "I think so too." I took a deep breath and released it.
I knew what I had to do, but I was afraid he wouldn't listen; he hated me.
"He doesn't hate you," I jerked my head up to Andrew as if he could read my mind.
"Whatever you did, he could never hate you. No one could hate you, Lucy; you're like this light that shines on everyone. You're kind and compassionate, and you love hard." Andrew comforted me. I wondered if he was just—comforting me. I didn't see myself as a good person, but I knew I tried to be. I tried really hard to do what's good and right.
I returned his gaze, "Thank you." Andrew saw the good in everyone, even Jace. I wished I could be more like him.
"I should probably find him after school," I watched Andrew for his reply, and he nodded.
"The sooner, the better; if I were him, I'd want to know." He smiled in reassurance, "it made me feel better, I'm sure it will do the same for Jace."
I got up and smoothed my skirt. I smiled at him. "Thanks for this Andrew, I really needed it… I'll see you around?" I raised my eyebrows.
He smiled, that smile that I loved. The wide one. "Yes, yes you will."